31–40 of 97 posts
If you state your opinion in a room with 3 other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion are probably low. Especially since people self-select who to congregate with in rooms. If you state your opinion in a virtual "room" with 300 million other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion is a certainty. Conflict is almost…
Everywhere else I run a plug-in that removes all comment sections from the web and I don’t use social media.
I think learning to ignore posts that are or will become toxic is a helpful skill to learn. I have similar feelings about certain newspapers & articles too. As for discussion, no one ever wins an argument in my opinion. So whenever a discussion looks like it's heading that way the best thing to do is to drop it. Discussion is at its best when it's two open minded people politely exploring ideas
People have this instict that "silence is consent". Which makes sense in some circumstances . Like, when the whole group is paying attention to the same speaker, the speaker says something, there is an opportunity to object, and no one objects... you could conclude that either everyone agrees, or perhaps the speaker has so much social power that no one dares to object. -- So the idea is backed by either consent or po…
Absolutely.
Part of my impulse to speak up IRL comes from the example of the activism to tackle HIV/AIDS. Literally, silence meant death. That left a huge imprint on me.
There a few times in my life when I didn't speak up, didn't act. And it fills me with shame.
Examples (of failure) help:
At a music festival. Mid '90s. Two white guys were harassing two black couples. I thought one of the white guys was going to get physical. I was so flabbergasted. I had no idea what to do. I was also in no physical condition to get into or break up a fight.
I saw a young parent assault her kids. Like punches, not spanking, Kids had signature abuse victims response. I should have called the cops.
Young gay couple were being harassed in a movie theater. I didn't act.
Old white dude at a public townhall talking about "those people" and advocating Jim Crow laws (in Washington State! in the early 2000s!).
> Our instincts are built of some assumptions that no longer work on internet. One possible approach is to learn new skills.
Absolutely.
My IRL impulses are sabotage online. I've been on social media since the late 80s. (BBSs, CompuServe, BIX.) Trolling and smack talk have always been part of the medium. It was fun. But now it isn't. It just keeps getting worse.
Next book on my reading list is Adam Grant's Think Again. Some of the recent book promotion interviews (eg Vox Pivot) have been great.
Chris Voss' Never Split the Difference, how to use "radical empathy" in tough situations, is really really good. I'm now looking for workbooks, training, or something. Like role playing exercises to practice.
Recommendations please.
If you state your opinion in a room with 3 other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion are probably low. Especially since people self-select who to congregate with in rooms. If you state your opinion in a virtual "room" with 300 million other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion is a certainty. Conflict is almost…
I've found this to be less true than perhaps it used to be, particularly in places like HN. I don't think you'll change anyone's minds overnight on a big issue like climate change or racism, but I regularly see people share insights and perspectives in a reasonable way. Over time, these add up into real change, even if you don't see it happening in the course of a single thread.
It's not wrong per se but I've found most people come to online forums to blow off steam or waste time, not to have fair conversations or arguments. Also, you see the exact same debates over and over. It becomes tiring.
My solution has been to just post less responses on forums, and to suppress the urge to argue with someone about the same topic I've argued about hundreds of times before. I still fail at it but I have gotten better.
This (good article) from The Guardian, who in their ludicrously-titled "Comment is Free" section and others ban discussions on any articles and opinion pieces they fear dissent on. In keeping with that - I note there is no comment section on this piece...
they fear dissent There are other explanations than that 'they fear dissent'. There's what you say , and there's how you say it . It reflects poorly on a serious publication if their comments section is full of insults and slurs, regardless of whether the comments support leftwing or rightwing causes.
One thing that works in my experience is to find common ground first, meaning find things that both agree on and then take it from there. It sometimes create a joint problem solving mode.
It also serves as a litmus test. If the other person isn't even willing to take an agreeable tone to something that's not controversial, then I know I'd be spending my time more wisely by doing something else.
If you state your opinion in a room with 3 other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion are probably low. Especially since people self-select who to congregate with in rooms. If you state your opinion in a virtual "room" with 300 million other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion is a certainty. Conflict is almost…
Trying to persuade anybody over the internet is next to impossible.
If you state your opinion in a room with 3 other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion are probably low. Especially since people self-select who to congregate with in rooms. If you state your opinion in a virtual "room" with 300 million other people, the chance that at least 1 of those people vehemently disagrees with your opinion is a certainty. Conflict is almost…
> Do they ever get resolved? Not in my experience. I've found this to be less true than perhaps it used to be, particularly in places like HN. I don't think you'll change anyone's minds overnight on a big issue like climate change or racism, but I regularly see people share insights and perspectives in a reasonable way. Over time, these add up into real change, even if you don't see it happening in the course of a si…
Without evidence, this is a difficult claim to accept.