Earlier quoted context omitted.
I sent this to a project manager once, and they didnt understand nor appreciate it.
They must be a project manager.
I, perhaps appropriately, improperly calculated their threshold for humor.
Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
191–200 of 905 posts
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#192The computer salesman was trying to convince the CEO to buy the horribly expensive mainframe.
"It can answer any question! Just try it!" The CEO thinks a minute, and asks "OK, what's my father doing right now?" The computer grinds away for awhile, and answers "Your father is fishing in Michigan." The CEO chortles to the salesman "Wrong! My father died five years ago!" The computer answers "Your mothers husband died five years ago. Your father just landed a 10 pound trout."
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#193This is an oldie (I first heard it in the 80s) but is one of my all time favorites. While it can be told about any two classes of people it really applies to a lot of code I encounter:
A physicist is showing a thermos to her friend, a programmer.
"It's amazing", she said. "You put a cold drink inside and regardless of how hot it is outside the drink stays cold".
The programmer is suitably impressed.
"But that's not all", she continued. "You can put a *hot* drink inside and no matter how cold it is outside the drink stays hot".
Now the programmer is perplexed.
Plaintively he asks, "But how does it know?"
Having to coordinate two variables is a recipe for bugs down the road. Seems like it should be a beginner's mistake but I see it all the time in "non beginner" code.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#194What's it like to have sex with a programmer? Nobody knows. They just sit on the edge of the bed telling you how great it's going to be.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#195It's often said that software engineers have no code of ethics. This is untrue. For example, no respectable software engineer would ever consent to writing a function called DestroyBaghdad(). Professional ethics would compel them to instead write a function DestroyCity, to which "Baghdad" could be passed as a parameter. https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Nathaniel_Borenstein
> Professional ethics would compel them to instead write a function DestroyCity, to which "Baghdad" could be passed as a parameter. A common rule in the profession would be that that would only be true after they’d coded city-specific destruction functions for two previous cities, otherwise it would be premature abstraction.
Sometimes you might want to know success though. So...
status = destroyCity(&city);
This way, because assumingely we may mutate city in some way we’ll still have what comes after to examine, we didn’t pass the name or Od of the city, but the location itself. And we’ll know if overall our destruction worked. It’s also better if you code to MIRSA destruction.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#196My favorite programming joke goes something like
TCP in the streets UDP in the sheets
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#197Earlier quoted context omitted.
“Maybe if we all just close all windows, turn off the car, get out of the car and get back in.”
The touchscreen in my car is wonky (known issue, just haven't bothered to fix it), so when something goes sideways with the Bluetooth audio, turning the car off and back on is easily the fastest way to get my music back.
In my car, I have to disconnect the battery when the cheap 30$ Chinese radio freezes.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#198An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first mathematician orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. "I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies. "Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2. "What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks. "That's ridiculous." "Oh c'mon" says mathematician #1 "do you know how hard it is to collect an infinite number of us? Just play along". "There are v…
I want to hear Norm Macdonald tell this joke.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#199Q: Why does the sun always rise east in the morning and set west in the evening?
A: Just leave it alone and don't mess with it.
Re: Ask HN: Anyone know any funny programming jokes?
#200Earlier quoted context omitted.
Ah, logic jokes... Three philosophers walk into a bar, and the bartender asks: "Do you all want a drink?" The first one says "I don't know." The second one says "I don't know." The third one says "Yes!"
Ugh this is why I hated logic problems in school. Anyone care to help a poor soul understand the meaning of this joke?
The bartender asked if all of them wanted a drink.
Logician number one does not know whether logicians number two and three want a drink or not, so he can’t say yes. If he did not want a drink though, he could say no because then it would not be true that they all wanted a drink. But he wants a drink. Therefore he says he don’t know, because it will depend on whether the other two want drinks or not.
Same applies to logician number two. She is still missing info about the third logician and therefore says she doesn’t know.
The third logician now knows that both of the other two want drinks, and so can answer that all of them want drinks.