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Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
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Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#2A friend of mine has suggested I read "The Psychology of Friendship" [0], but it seems weird to me that a good book only has two reviews on Amazon, and pretty much nobody is talking about it.
Any suggestions for books that you've read and that you found to be really good?
[0]: https://www.amazon.com/Psychology-Friendship-Mahzad-Hojjat/d...
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#3A great book: how to win friends and influence people: dale carnegie
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#4No right answers without more context. Many people struggle as they leave college and their social circle behind. Friendships are bonds found through shared experiences. Seek new shared experiences to form new bonds. The classic "How to win friends and influence people" can help with heuristics.
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#5I have no book suggestions, but for what it's worth the one way I've found to maintain friendships is to have recurring calendar invite hang sessions. Like every other Thursday, the calendar reminds us we're having lunch together or a zoom call after kids go to bed, etc. It sounds formal and awkward but it works and keeps friends from losing touch.
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#6A great book: how to win friends and influence people: dale carnegie
When I read it I felt it was mostly useless outside of the work sphere. The subtext of it felt like "How to win friends and influence people as a new senior manager or owner of the company" - it dealt with cases where you come in with a lot of power and influence and have to get everyone on your side using your soft skills rather than a big stick.
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#7I found non-violent communication by Marshal Rosenberg to be a great help in maintaining friendship
The book provides strategies for being empathetic, while maintaining boundaries, which I think is where most friendships go wrong, either by breaking or turning toxic
The book is, in my opinion, a bit naive in its worldview and the writing can be self-indulgent, but if you can look past those issue, I think it could be a very valuable suggestion
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#8I don't have a book suggestion but I am 49 and have been thinking deeply about friendship for some time.
I think 'mutual' is a key word in friendship. I have worked hard over the years to maintain friendships and have discovered my efforts aren't always recipricated. Stop contacting certain friends and you will find very quickly that they don't get in touch. I have decided to spend much less time on friendships which are not mutual.
If you have 2 or 3 close friends you are doing well. My tips are to listen more and don't just contact people when you are bored. Respond to people when they reach out to you, even if don't feel like it.
When you are feeling sorry for yourself call someone less better off than yourself. I have an older, infirm friend and when I feel sorry for myself I often give him a call. This reminds my problems are just feelings, not real problems.
Finally, my best friend is my wife. Don't ever take your partner for granted if you have one. There are very few people in the world who will ever be actively interested in you.
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#9Do you need a book for that?
Why not just be nice and trustworthy to your existing friends and strangers?
The books like How to Win Friends and Influence People: Dale Carnegie and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Stephen Covey show you how to be nice.
In Covey's book, he explain about habits 4, 5, 6 which are think win-win, seek first to understand, than to be understood, and synergize. These are interpersonal habits that can be applied to most of common situations.
Re: Ask HN: Best books on “friendship” and how to make/maintain friends?
#10Do you need a book for that? Why not just be nice and trustworthy to your existing friends and strangers? The books like How to Win Friends and Influence People: Dale Carnegie and 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Stephen Covey show you how to be nice. In Covey's book, he explain about habits 4, 5, 6 which are think win-win, seek first to understand, than to be understood, and synergize. These are interpersonal ha…
> Do you need a book for that? Why not just be nice and trustworthy to your existing friends and strangers?
Being nice and trustworthy only has a tangential relationship to having friends. Plenty of not-nice people have lots of friends. I think it is fair to ask for book recommendations, and asking for books doesn't mean one has no friends. Betterment of the self is a worthy pursuit.