The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker • Hacker News Board

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#211

Post by teclordphrack2 » Sat, Jan 16, 2021, 6:48 AM UTC

holtalanm wrote: post #130

jgilias wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I believe it's called a mask. People with some personality disorders gradually develop a sort of behavioral mask to wear in public in order to fit in into the wider society and be able to achieve one's goals. However, having it 'on' is apparently taxing, so it comes off around people who are in one way or another part of some inner circle for whom there's no point to pretend.

> However, having it 'on' is apparently taxing That just sounds like standard introvert, though. The hiker in the article, on the other hand, seems to be off-the-deep-end introvert.

I assume you can be an introvert who has no mental issues.

I also assume you can be an introvert who has some spectrum and type of mental illness, sexual and gender classification they choose, past exploitation and/or violence committed against you, etc.

I just think it is interesting b/c the person underneath the shell is different person to person and I think we lump very granular groups into large piles for ease of discussion and use.

I think he wanted a mental health, possibly a moral/spiritual awakening but he was toward the end or had completed the hike and was facing reality that there was a mental issue or past event in his life that he could not get past. Maybe just going back to the "real world" was just to much if it had to be in his own skin with his past.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#212

Post by mercer » Sat, Jan 16, 2021, 8:29 AM UTC

rel-throwaway wrote: post #174

demadog wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Just a thought, but what if you set a daily time limit of being fully engaged and present with your wife, say for an hour or two, but then it is understood that you need ~3 hrs of alone time. Sounds like you’re an introvert and need time to recharge from managing a team and you’re burnt out from that. I think she’d be delighted with an hour a day of full presence, perhaps more on the weekend.

This is a good suggestion and something I am going to attempt to negotiate. I think part of the problem is something a person called out below -- we are fundamentally different. She does not need the same amount of time alone and may resent me for wanting that. But something to try.

Counselling might help too, perhaps. It can be very difficult to explain what you need and why, but doubly so when the other party has difficulty hearing and understanding what you're trying to say. A professional counsellor can really help with that.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#213

Post by mercer » Sat, Jan 16, 2021, 8:47 AM UTC

adamc wrote: post #93

S_A_P wrote: post #82

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe this is oversharing, but maybe not. I have shades of this in myself. I have a much smaller friend group than many folks and a cynical take on most peoples motivations. I can say that some of why I feel this way is just "how Im bent" and some is from childhood experiences of having my trust betrayed or my naivety taken advantage of. Throw in a bit of unpredictable mom behavior and I generally dont want to owe an…

You might just be an HSP: https://www.amazon.com/Highly-Sensitive-Person-Thrive-Overwh... I've had this problem in many contexts. Some of it stems from childhood circumstances, but it's also that I often read people better than they seemingly know themselves, i.e., noticing anger that they don't think they have. This can cause a lot of stress.

Or on the autism spectrum. A lot of people with HFA/asperger's would describe their inner experience as very much like 'HSP' even if from the outside they wouldn't be obviously considered so.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#214

Post by kayodelycaon » Sat, Jan 16, 2021, 1:32 PM UTC

tartoran wrote: post #208

kayodelycaon wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Another note on masks. If you’ve always been known for your positive traits and your negative ones can be overlooked by people who like you, many people won’t notice if your positive traits get better and your negative ones become smoothed out. If they do notice, they chalk it up to maturity.

Yes, this happens quite a bit as we can’t really see what’s going on inside other people’s minds. It is very interesting to say your sexuality took over spirituality in your case. How old were you when this happens? During puberty, adolescence and early adulthood we go trough transformations that are in a way not very well understood, in regard to sexuality I mean, think all the hormonal production going through the…

> How old were you when this happens?

I was 32 when this all happened.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#215

Post by Frondo » Sat, Jan 16, 2021, 5:20 PM UTC

throwaway713 wrote: post #166

ksdale wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think there may be an element of survivorship bias at play. There's kind of a 2x2 you can draw where people can be publicly/privately kind/abusive. People who are kind all the time (or at least, not abusive all the time) are unremarkable, I'm not sure there are many people who are publicly abusive and privately kind, and people who are both publicly and privately abusive are way more likely to end up in prison, or…

> I'm not sure there are many people who are publicly abusive and privately kind Gordon Ramsay perhaps?

I've watched a lot of his shows and have developed a kind of celebrity respect for him, enough that I've gone on and read interviews with him and with people in his orbit (like the restauranteurs featured on his shows.) Turns out a lot of people say he's actually far kinder than you'd think, off-camera, to all the people he's seemingly abusive to!

All the yelling and vitriol is kind of a spliced-down highlights reel, is the impression I've gotten, the stuff that makes for good tv. It's there and it's real, but it's a smaller part of a guy who's generally nice and genuinely cares about the people on his shows.

Good suggestion though.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#216

Post by trianglem » Sat, Jan 16, 2021, 6:10 PM UTC

08-15 wrote: post #196

trianglem wrote: post #176

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’m going to get downvoted for this but here goes. For a marriage to be successful, one partner has to be dominant. A marriage of equals doesn’t work and your parents (and mine) have happy relationships because this principle was followed. I converted to Islam around 8 years ago and married a Muslim woman and I could not be more happy. For the last 6 years, everyday is bliss and I’ve never performed better at work.

His marriage already has a dominant partner: his wife.

Evolutionarily, men have a much harder time being submissive.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#217

Post by cjohnson318 » Mon, Jan 18, 2021, 7:45 AM UTC

tsjq wrote: post #107

cjohnson318 wrote: post #78

Is there an official term for people that appear to be charming and outgoing to strangers, but often moody and/or distant to people they know well?

This sub thread here goes into some detail. I'm also very curious about the same. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25793526

Thank you, I'll check it out.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#218

Post by deeeeplearning » Tue, Jan 19, 2021, 4:25 PM UTC

renewiltord wrote: post #190

deeeeplearning wrote: post #184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Were there any police reports? Was he arrested for battery? Honestly it's pure hearsay otherwise. We can't really be expected to take the word of jilted ex lovers at face value, sorry.

Believe what you want. No one is really trying to convince you, specifically. It's just a human interest story at the end of it. For my part, I find it sufficient for me to conclude this guy hit his girlfriend.

>It's just a human interest story at the end of it

Its really not, it's a "hey let me trash this dead guy for clicks" story.

>For my part, I find it sufficient for me to conclude this guy hit his girlfriend.

Someone claiming to be your ex sent me a message saying you kill puppies and beat women. That's sufficient for me to believe you abuse women and animals.