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The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

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181–190 of 218 posts

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This quote stood out for me as well, for the reason that my own depiction of a "good coder" has evolved into someone who codes a solution in the simplest way possible using the best tools, not the "hardest" or most "lit" way.

I was planning to post exactly this. Reminds me of that famous anecdote about the guy who was using different branches in the same source control repo for different functions - who everyone said was a genius but no one could figure out how to touch his code.

I think that if you do some bad things and also code somewhat, a lot of people will assume that you are basically genius. It is as if people felt the need to balance and since they said something bad about you, they will overcompensate in coding skills department.

But it is unfair to nice good coders who don't get praised as crazy good, cause they were not assholes to people.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#182
post #75
post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People who decide to commit suicide sometimes appear to others to be feeling a lot better in the time between the decision and the final act. I suspect this is just an instance of the pretty common response to having made a decision that was weighing on you. If it's a big one (divorce, career change, etc.) I'm sure most of us have experienced this at least 2nd hand.

Anecdotally, I can confirm that it's similar in essence and just overwhelmingly stronger in effect. It's a bit like having finally decided every single one of the big decisions of life in the same split second (because that's what it is in the moment). It's also stronger than that because the very likely "normal state" of your brain up to that point is severe depression, so you're not anywhere near what people might…

Thanks to this stack of comments I finally understood why my college friend appeared to feel better days before he took his life - he made his decision and was at peace with it.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#183

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How strange, just created an account to say that I am the same way and was thinking about this a lot last night. (Although, I don’t think I am emotionally abusive, as I feel my spouse demands things that are entirely unreasonable, like frequently asking me to leave work in the middle of the day to come help with something or buying a house and dog when we had less than $1,000 in our account). All I wanted my whole li…

There has been plenty of unreasonable stuff over the years. Early in our marriage she spent close to 1000$ at the mall which left us short of funds to pay her grad school tuition that I had been saving to pay for her. Till date she refuses to understand our financial picture and will be completely lost if I were to get hit by a bus tomorrow. Also, she has not worked for >90% of our ~10 year marriage to follow her pas…

Do you feel that she doesn't hold up her side of the deal? Did you ever talk about what you expect her to do?

Why are you still together?

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#184

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yea that’s the first thing I thought. If I wanted to write an honest and fair assessment on someone, I probably would take the stories from ex-girlfriends (or anyone else with a potential ax to grind) with a grain of salt. A lot of us wouldn’t want our biographies to be written by ex’s. Unfortunately the author really didn’t have many more people to interview as the guy was a bit of a loner.

Sure, but how many of us have exes that would say we beat them? I would be very surprised if even the more acrimonious breakups of mine claimed that I hit them. Pretty sure most of us have never laid a hand in anger on our partners.

Were there any police reports? Was he arrested for battery? Honestly it's pure hearsay otherwise. We can't really be expected to take the word of jilted ex lovers at face value, sorry.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#185

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How strange, just created an account to say that I am the same way and was thinking about this a lot last night. (Although, I don’t think I am emotionally abusive, as I feel my spouse demands things that are entirely unreasonable, like frequently asking me to leave work in the middle of the day to come help with something or buying a house and dog when we had less than $1,000 in our account). All I wanted my whole li…

I’m going to get downvoted for this but here goes. For a marriage to be successful, one partner has to be dominant. A marriage of equals doesn’t work and your parents (and mine) have happy relationships because this principle was followed. I converted to Islam around 8 years ago and married a Muslim woman and I could not be more happy. For the last 6 years, everyday is bliss and I’ve never performed better at work.

Well you're certainly right that it's easy to want to downvote your statement. I'd like to learn:

Can you explain what the advantages of the dominant marriages are? Since you mention Islam, I assume you're the dominant one. I'm going to assume your wife is happy in her role. Do you think the female can be the dominant one in a relationship, too, or how is that decided?

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#186

Okay, this quote stood out -- “He was a crazy good coder. Except he would always code everything the hardest way possible, kind of like you hired Rembrandt to paint your bathroom. You know it is going to be lit, but over the top.” A good read and a good reminder that people are always much more complex than we think. I wonder sometimes if by being exposed so often to fairly flat depictions of characters in movies and…

It's hard to say from a single quote from a single person. I dare say most developers confuse difficult with complex.[0] His coding style may have been brutally simple, even if that meant very hard. He also could have been a bad programmer.

I often take a look at a problem from multiple perspectives in order to try and find ways of minimizing the number of special cases or minimizing the number of states in the (perhaps implicit) finite state machine. This is often harder than just gut-feeling my way through the most intuitive ad-hoc coding solution.

For instance, if something has an optional timeout, I strongly prefer to write it as a non-optional timeout that defaults to something absurdly large (but not so large as to uncover multi-billion-year overflow bugs in libraries I'm using), usually 100 years. Maybe that's the hard way of doing it, but it gets rid of special handling of the optionality. I'm sure some colleagues would describe this as "the hardest way" to write an optional timeout, but it objectively has fewer code paths to reason about and test. Some people really hate seeing code that doesn't treat the no-timeout case as a special case, because they just find it uncomfortable to switch perspectives. They really want to code it up as they most naturally think about it, not in the way that yields the least twisted code.

In another case, one of my colleagues wrote some minor error recovery logic for a distributed system. I politely told him that his solution had too many implicit states and would get stuck if messages were delayed between systems. I proposed a simple 4-state machine: ok, trying_to_resovle, resolved, and taking_too_long_to_resolve. But, he was the one originally assigned the task, I didn't have any real authority, and it wasn't worth a fight. He said the way he wrote it was "easier" and "more natural." A few months down the road, his solution got stuck and never alerted us that it was taking too long to resolve the error, because messages got delayed between systems. In an afternoon, I whipped up my original proposal: since the recovery action is idempotent, when you go into the recovering state, just blindly fire off the recovery action every x seconds until you either get confirmation of resolution, or after y seconds give up and alert the humans that the problem might not be resolved. As far as I know, my 4-state FSM solution is still in production years later. I'm sure the author of the original felt a 4-state finite state machine was "the hardest way to write it."

In a third case, we have a pretty slick internal publish-subscribe system, but the error handling is just level-based: the subscriber provides a callback taking a boolean that indicates if the publisher has just gone from "bad" to "okay" (true) or "okay" to "bad" (false). Publishers have an upper time limit of inactivity after which they'll publish out a size zero message, so if a subscriber doesn't get any messages in that maximum idle period plus some configurable leeway, then the subscriber needs to assume the publisher has died and go into error mitigation/recovery/alerting logic. It's a pretty simple two-state FSM. The start state is the "bad" state. Every message results in the current time being recorded as the latest timestamp, and if the current state is "bad", transition to the "ok" state and pass true to the health status callback. If there's not an existing timer, create one for transitioning back to a "bad" state. When the timer goes off, check the latest recorded timestamp, and see if you really should transition to a "bad" state and call the health status callback with false. Otherwise, calculate the next timeout based on the latest heartbeat and reset the timer. The problem is that it starts out in the "bad" state, so in order to handle the case of publishers being dead at subscription time, all subscribers need to implement their own timer logic, and a lot of subscribers either don't try to handle the case or handle it incorrectly. I spent a while trying to convince the main developer for the pub-sub system to switch to a tristate FSM: start, bad, and ok. If you use 100 years for the default time to transition from the start state to the bad state, you'll get backward-compatible behavior for subscribers that just assume their first health status callback must be their initial notification that the publisher is live. The other state transitions were all really easy to work out. I sent him an email with a pretty state transition table showing all 4 possible state transiions, what triggered them, and which transitions triggered which health status callbacks. It's really dead simple: 3 states, 4 transitions, and it greatly simplified code on the subscriber side and stopped forcing all subscribers to implement their own poor solutions, and it was 100% backward compatible if default parameters were used. He kept on pushing for various ad-hoc solutions with more implicit states and state transitions because his gut feeling solution was easier for him than thinking in terms of a 3-state finite state machine. We went through a couple back-and-forths with me pointing out flaws in his ad-hoc proposals, and him not pointing out any flaws in my FSM, but just complaining that it was "complex". But, he didn't really mean "complex", he meant "hard"[0] because he wasn't accustomed to thinking in terms of state machines. With the extra corner cases and implicit states in his ad-hoc proposals, his solutions were more complex by an objective complexity metric. But, I'm sure he'd complain that my 3-state, 4-transition state machine was writing it "the hardest way."

I also strongly prefer to put throttles with very high limits in cases where we don't think throttles will ever be necessary. When the network admins are yelling at you that you're killing the network is no time to have to code up a throttle instead of just changing a configuration. I've had people argue that putting in throttling logic is too complicated. When some middlewear daemon got absurdly slow, I've also had to tell those same people "The middlewear admins are screaming. If the middlewear daemon's memory usage hits 3.75 GB, we need to kill your programs to keep the middlewear from falling over." Sometimes a colleague complaining about complexity is really trying to simplify things to a dangerous degree.

[0] https://www.infoq.com/presentations/Simple-Made-Easy/

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#187

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

I think its easy to lice in a shell you create for yourself 10-12 hours a day. Its harder to live that life with people you're around all the time. My Dad for instance was well liked at his job and in the community. As soon as he left work and those people behind the smiles and jokes stopped and he was just mean and quiet with a temper that was never far from reach. I think the person he was at work was the person he wanted to be, but the person he was with us was his true self.

Its either that or he truly hated my mother, my brother, and myself.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#188

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

I struggle with this in my personal life. To most friends and acquaintances I can be friendly, personable, interesting, and engaging when we meet. But at home, with close family, and especially with my wife I struggle to be that person. My default state is that I mostly want to be left alone. All the people closest to me seem to want something -- time, attention, help, emotional support etc. none of which I seem to n…

Have you considered getting a psych evaluation? I’m not trying to swipe at you, I’m approaching this with the most positive of intent.

What you’re describing sounds like a personality disorder of some sort. Identifying such may help surface strategies for lessening those feelings. Disclaimer: not a mental health professional, but have had a couple in my personal life.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#189

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

I think it's because when you spend a lot of time with someone, you start to notice all of their annoying quirks you don't usually see when you just met them. So after a while you start to get tired and annoyed of them, and the way to deal with it is with anger.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, but how many of us have exes that would say we beat them? I would be very surprised if even the more acrimonious breakups of mine claimed that I hit them. Pretty sure most of us have never laid a hand in anger on our partners.

Were there any police reports? Was he arrested for battery? Honestly it's pure hearsay otherwise. We can't really be expected to take the word of jilted ex lovers at face value, sorry.

Believe what you want. No one is really trying to convince you, specifically. It's just a human interest story at the end of it.

For my part, I find it sufficient for me to conclude this guy hit his girlfriend.

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