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The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

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Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#81

Post by me_me_me »

tessierashpool wrote: post #67
lqet wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> disappeared into sewers under the city This might interest you: I watched the quite disturbing documentary "Dark Days" a few years ago about homeless people living in subway and sewage tunnels under New York. They had built small apartments down there and even had electricity. Here are the first 10 minutes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dh4s78Db5OQ

there's an excellent book about this called Mole People by Jennifer Toth.

Suddenly Futurama is a little bit less funny for me.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#82

Post by S_A_P »

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

Maybe this is oversharing, but maybe not. I have shades of this in myself. I have a much smaller friend group than many folks and a cynical take on most peoples motivations. I can say that some of why I feel this way is just "how Im bent" and some is from childhood experiences of having my trust betrayed or my naivety taken advantage of. Throw in a bit of unpredictable mom behavior and I generally dont want to owe anything to anyone.

When I first meet people Im more than happy to share, give of myself, etc. Usually I will either feel that gestures are not reciprocated, or taken for granted, so I pull back. Ive wondered if I feel like Im expecting too much of my generosity and I think Ive been guilty of that before. At this point though I think I have reflected enough and changed to where this is not the case.

Long term- I feel like being social requires me to "be on" which is exhausting to me. I would rather only see people when I can be decent company so I end up seeing people much less than more socially adept folks...

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#83

Post by eitland »

cmehdy wrote: post #75
ska wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People who decide to commit suicide sometimes appear to others to be feeling a lot better in the time between the decision and the final act. I suspect this is just an instance of the pretty common response to having made a decision that was weighing on you. If it's a big one (divorce, career change, etc.) I'm sure most of us have experienced this at least 2nd hand.

Anecdotally, I can confirm that it's similar in essence and just overwhelmingly stronger in effect. It's a bit like having finally decided every single one of the big decisions of life in the same split second (because that's what it is in the moment). It's also stronger than that because the very likely "normal state" of your brain up to that point is severe depression, so you're not anywhere near what people might…

You made it to my quotes file, which is a somewhat high bar even if it doesn't help for anything ;-)

> We often notice how "easy"/quick it is to hurt somebody by saying something even light-hearted,

I've been very aware of this for the last ten years after realizing that despite my good intentions I could sometimes hurt others.

> but when it comes to that extreme you'd be surprised how very few words about mundane things can prevent a collapse (at least that time).

I think this will be important to keep in mind too going forward.

Thanks!

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#84

Post by trianglem »

elliekelly wrote: post #20
LatteLazy wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

But he told obscure jokes! But yeah, I think the title is clickbait, nothing here actually seems unsettling.

> On a Saturday night in September 2016, K was injured when a terrorist set off a bomb on West 23rd Street in Manhattan. “I had pretty bad PTSD to which he hated caring for me, even kept a dated log of every time I needed help, to the point where he left me outside in the dark—knowing that at that time I couldn't be outside alone or be in the dark without panicking,” she recalls, before adding, “and this is only the…

Not to diminish her problems, but at the same time this is extremely reminiscent of girlfriends that are super attention seeking and constantly have “problems” that need to be resolved immediately. Sounds like this guy wasn’t super emotional and was distressed by incessant calls for attention.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#85

Post by IfOnlyYouKnew »

f38zf5vdt wrote: post #69
IfOnlyYouKnew wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The unsettling truth is that he was deeply troubled, and, at times, an abusive asshole who didn’t necessarily warrant quite as much compassion from strangers as he was given. I’m open to the idea that it may not really matter, and everyone deserves the dignity to not be buried anonymously. But there were a lot of resources invested in this case because he looked very relatable in photos. He was very different from wh…

I think the most unsettling truth is about how titles are being assembled in search of ad revenue, since "Formerly anonymous hitchhiker who died alone lived troubled life" gets a lot less clicks -- since that seems almost like a non-story. Assembling dialogue around the divisive narrative of a misleading title is just something that plays into it and I think something we all need to avoid.

yawn

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#86

Post by zerocrates »

throwaway56745 wrote: post #40
IfOnlyYouKnew wrote: post #26

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The unsettling truth is that he was deeply troubled, and, at times, an abusive asshole who didn’t necessarily warrant quite as much compassion from strangers as he was given. I’m open to the idea that it may not really matter, and everyone deserves the dignity to not be buried anonymously. But there were a lot of resources invested in this case because he looked very relatable in photos. He was very different from wh…

It's a slippery slope (and mildly sociopathic) to start judging people's worthiness of being murdered (or sought justice for) based on whether they were a good or bad person. Allocating resources based on how charming someone's photo is is also wrong, and worthy of discussion, though presumably people at least aren't doing that consciously. Edit: I'm fairly disturbed that this appears to be controversial.

I don't think there's any indication this person was murdered, nor that there's anybody to seek justice against.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#87

Post by lwigo »

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #50

Sounds like he was HFA (High-Functioning Autistic), with some extra Trauma Sauce. It can be quite difficult for folks like this (Disclaimer: IR1) to find happiness. Crowds, high-stimulus environments, external expectations can be quite chafing. It can also be tempting to latch onto external things and people, to try to heal something that can't really be healed; but only mitigated (long story, but I went through that…

How is it like Miranda (just trying to figure out your metaphor)? One possible response to extreme over stimulation or aggression is to completely shutdown?

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#88

Post by tartoran »

kayodelycaon wrote: post #70
jgilias wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I believe it's called a mask. People with some personality disorders gradually develop a sort of behavioral mask to wear in public in order to fit in into the wider society and be able to achieve one's goals. However, having it 'on' is apparently taxing, so it comes off around people who are in one way or another part of some inner circle for whom there's no point to pretend.

That’s what I call it. I’ve been hiding being bipolar since I was nine years old. I had a significant personality change after a psychotic break and most people don’t think I’ve changed. I know I have.

How do you know you've changed and it's not just the perception of how you see yourself post the event? Did you change your thinking patterns as well? If you're uncomfortable to share that's more than okay and very understandable.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#89

Post by throwaway56745 »

zerocrates wrote: post #86
throwaway56745 wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's a slippery slope (and mildly sociopathic) to start judging people's worthiness of being murdered (or sought justice for) based on whether they were a good or bad person. Allocating resources based on how charming someone's photo is is also wrong, and worthy of discussion, though presumably people at least aren't doing that consciously. Edit: I'm fairly disturbed that this appears to be controversial.

I don't think there's any indication this person was murdered, nor that there's anybody to seek justice against.

Ah, I guess that's on me for only skimming the article. Still, death is death. We shouldn't trivialize it just because the person in question wasn't a good person, which is what it felt like the GP was suggesting.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#90

Post by adamredwoods »

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

There could also have been some trauma/abuse with parents/family. The author of the story seemed to suggest something happened between him and the father.
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