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The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

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Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#51

Post by polishdude20 »

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

Could be the fact that strangers don't know you so they can't judge you. Your long term friends and family know you possibly better than you do. Being around friends and family can be a great way to learn about yourself. The problem is, some people see themselves and hate it.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#53

Post by lovegoblin »

3131s wrote: post #29
bena wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The unsettling truth was that he was apparently an abusive malcontent who decided to run away from the problems he created once again.

It sounds like he was aware enough of these flaws that he decided to do something about it. That's a lot better than some people who go a lifetime without ever being self-aware.

> he decided to do something about it

But not, apparently, therapy.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#54

Post by typefourpd »

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

This is indicative of a personality disorder. My father had BPD and behaved this way. My mother was borderline and behaved this way.

People like this do not behave abusively towards their loved ones all the time, it's pretty on-and-off. The loved one is typically a dependent or avoidant. They remain in the relationship because they need the positive affirmations, and healthy people do not want to be with a dependent or avoidant. So, no choice but to suffer the negativity also.

It's clear that this man developed a personality disorder as the result of suffering abuse as a child.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#55

Post by fsckboy »

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

there is a broad class of psychological problems called "personality disorders" and they're basically "spectrum" disorders, there's no one size fits all diagnosis for anybody, and even skilled practitioners go through a tricky and time consuming process of diagnosing patients directly, i.e. we can't diagnose him from here based on 2nd hand information, and especially because we are not skilled practitioners.

wrt your "personal theory" (sense of obligation leads to resentment), that's too simplistic, but for the sake of argument, let's say you are on the right track, here's how to improve your understanding of personality disorders: all people feel the resentment of obligations to those close to them. That part is actually the normal part. The question is, why doesn't the person with this disorder (we are hypothesizing) feel the other positive parts of a close relationship that help a better adjusted person feel in balance, and then take the normal resentment of obligations in stride.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#56

Post by ska »

dkarl wrote: post #46

Maybe Rodriguez’s story is similar to Cody’s. He was alone in a vast, unfamiliar city. He’d destroyed his relationships. He left his apartment in anger. And then, as he traversed the mountains, walking through sugar maple and oak, hickory and poplar, stepping over roots and rocks, he tamed his demons too. The many people who met him didn’t sense the dark, brooding, sometimes dangerous person who left Brooklyn. People…

> People who decide to commit suicide sometimes appear to others to be feeling a lot better in the time between the decision and the final act.

I suspect this is just an instance of the pretty common response to having made a decision that was weighing on you. If it's a big one (divorce, career change, etc.) I'm sure most of us have experienced this at least 2nd hand.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#58

Post by losteric »

tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

Perhaps some form of social anxiety or avoidant attachment? It's easy to be friendly (or an asshole) in brief superficial interactions, but longer interactions lead people to intimacy that some find undesirable... fear of rejection can present as hostility (essentially proactive rejection).

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#59

Post by tppiotrowski »

at-fates-hands wrote: post #48
tppiotrowski wrote: post #37

The article talks about his ability to be friendly to strangers but abusive to his long term acquaintances. I have observed this pattern and curious if anyone knows what drives this? My personal theory is that you have some sort of obligations to long term acquaintances but you owe nothing to strangers on the trail. It's this feeling of obligation that leads you to resent people over time.

Agreed. Its the idea that the more you learn about people and have to be around them, you start to judge them and then realize they aren't like you, so you push them away and crater relationships on purpose so you can be alone and unencumbered by other people's problems. It sounds to me like he did just that. Easier to have short-term relationships and human contact when you need it, but not long enough where you sta…

> But soon he started to clam up and shut her out. “If something upset him, he would stop talking to me completely. Which can be lonely when you share a 500-square-foot apartment,” she says.

You definitely get the sense that he just wanted to be alone at times. Hard to do that when you're in a long term relationships because you have to adjust to some else's schedule. Easier when your acquaintances are short-term.

Re: The unsettling truth about the ‘Mostly Harmless’ hiker

#60

Post by nickthemagicman »

f38zf5vdt wrote: post #13
bena wrote: post #6

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The unsettling truth was that he was apparently an abusive malcontent who decided to run away from the problems he created once again.

It's a shame, he could have had a healthy and productive life just posting every day to the Linux kernel mailing list.

Yep. He just missed finding his people, unfortunate.
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