I am sure that there are at least half a dozen different definitions of "asshole" being used in these discussions making most commentary highly ambiguous.
I refuse to tolerate assholes
31–40 of 93 posts
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#32Preface: Something I've noticed about jerks/assholes: they're convinced that they're surrounded by jerks and/or assholes. Almost none of them are jerks for no reason. They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion). A good sign that you might be a jerk is that you see jerks all around you. Most people are basically all right. If you (1) run into conflicts with…
They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion).
Either that, or they're just clinically certifiable narcissists. True narcissists are world-class pains in the ass like nothing else on the many spectra of personality disorders.
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#33Preface: Something I've noticed about jerks/assholes: they're convinced that they're surrounded by jerks and/or assholes. Almost none of them are jerks for no reason. They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion). A good sign that you might be a jerk is that you see jerks all around you. Most people are basically all right. If you (1) run into conflicts with…
Your last line was very nicely put. Something a jerk generally wouldn't say. I find that when I give advice to people often times it's more of a reminder to myself. I agree the world is not divided into jerks/nice people. There's a spectrum. Try to stay on the nice side. You can't always avoid jerks but one should not go out of their way to be around them.
Not only that but there will be times, for whatever reason, a nice person will occasionally behave like a jerk. be it because something bad has happened at home or they are just having a bad day.
Always a good idea to consider that the other person isn't having the same day/thoughts/experience as you.
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#34It's a gross oversimplification, but I try to live according to the dictum that it is easy to bifurcate behaviours into good and bad, but people are complex and subject to change, thus it is very difficult for me to brand someone as an "asshole."
http://github.com/raganwald/homoiconic/blob/master/2009-05-0...
UPDATE: Thinking about the OP, I wonder if seeing behaviours as simple and people as complex actually helps you be intolerant of bad behaviour.
If you believe that some people are assholes, you have very little in the way of options for dealing with them: Purge them from your life, wall them off so their damage can be contained, or accept them and their behaviour wholesale.
But if you focus on the behaviour, you can try to negotiate: "You are a genius, your work on ___ is brilliant. However, this behaviour ____ is unacceptable, please stop doing it. Here is why..., Here is something more constructive you could consider..."
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#35I am sure that there are at least half a dozen different definitions of "asshole" being used in these discussions making most commentary highly ambiguous.
HELMET: Who made that man a gunner?
MAJOR: I did, sir. He's my cousin.
HELMET: Who is he?
SANDURZ: He's an Asshole, sir.
HELMET: I know that. What's his name?
SANDURZ: That is his name, sir. Asshole, Major Asshole.
HELMET: And his cousin?
SANDURZ: He's an Asshole, too, sir. Gunner's-mate, 1st Class, Philip Asshole.
HELMET: How many Assholes we got on this ship, anyhow?
ALL: Yo!
HELMET: I knew it. I'm surrounded by Assholes. Keep firing, Assholes.
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#36Have you looked in the mirror, man? That entire posts exudes the exact same behavior you are condemning. You've asked for them to be fired? That wasn't your place, and the penalty is far too harsh for the crime. You were attempting to ruin their livelihood because you don't like them. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." - The Bible. Nobody would get to throw a stone. Nobody fits the criteria of being 'p…
I think the attitude you endorse just enables the assholism. Assholes ruin their own livelihood by being assholes, no need to blame the victims of their vitriol. For any given job, there are hundreds of other equally deserving candidates who aren't jerks . Getting fired gives assholes a chance to learn their behavior isn't acceptable, and is only fair to the more-deserving candidate who then fills the position.
So, you come on to a project and someone fits your definition of "asshole". Getting them fired will allow them to "learn their behavior isn't acceptable". No need to actually put up with that person, there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Maybe your "nice guy" teammate doesn't actually keep the production db running correctly and who cares if the "asshole" has to cleanup. It really shouldn't matter that to not get blamed the "asshole" needs to do the work themselves. Maybe you send some e-mail not knowing what is going on and that sends the "asshole" up the wall. Heck, you did the "asshole" a favor since the "asshole" needs to learn a lesson(2).
1) author of article says all "assholes" are guys, which I find quite unbelievable.
2) add one of the "asshole"'s parents getting cancer and I've seen that one (with sleep deprivation)
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#37Experienced programmers everywhere recommend: "/ignore"
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#38Earlier quoted context omitted.
I think the attitude you endorse just enables the assholism. Assholes ruin their own livelihood by being assholes, no need to blame the victims of their vitriol. For any given job, there are hundreds of other equally deserving candidates who aren't jerks . Getting fired gives assholes a chance to learn their behavior isn't acceptable, and is only fair to the more-deserving candidate who then fills the position.
I think the reactionary ideals you promote enforce and enable sliminess. The person with the best presentation and fakest smile wins over any actual merit. You are actively endorsing the world of used-car salesmen, A&R reps, and so on, where substance and a solid stance are detrimental to success. Pathological extremes at both ends are still pathological, the correct response to an extreme is not its opposite, but a…
...how did you make that leap? Where does "it should be possible for being a jerk to get you fired" lead to "enforcing and enabling sliminess"?
It is entirely possible to hold a firm stance on what you think is the correct approach without being a jerk. It is equally possible to create a friendly atmosphere without acting like a used car salesman. I think you're reading more into the GP's statements than was intended.
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#39Preface: Something I've noticed about jerks/assholes: they're convinced that they're surrounded by jerks and/or assholes. Almost none of them are jerks for no reason. They're almost always jerks in response to some slight (either imagined, or blown way out of proportion). A good sign that you might be a jerk is that you see jerks all around you. Most people are basically all right. If you (1) run into conflicts with…
While, I don't disagree with you at all, if you've ever seen Jacob respond to a jerk online, It's really great. Not tolerating something is not equivalent to getting on the same level (which, also should not be tolerated).
Re: I refuse to tolerate assholes
#40Earlier quoted context omitted.
Your last line was very nicely put. Something a jerk generally wouldn't say. I find that when I give advice to people often times it's more of a reminder to myself. I agree the world is not divided into jerks/nice people. There's a spectrum. Try to stay on the nice side. You can't always avoid jerks but one should not go out of their way to be around them.
Not only that but there will be times, for whatever reason, a nice person will occasionally behave like a jerk. be it because something bad has happened at home or they are just having a bad day. Always a good idea to consider that the other person isn't having the same day/thoughts/experience as you.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fundamental_attribution_error
I always try to give the benefit of the doubt. I can think of plenty of times where I only realize after the fact that I was distracted/in a bad mood and unduly acted rude towards someone.