Earlier quoted context omitted.
Are they magic beans or just beans? A bitcoin address gives you a unique global address decentralizated that funds can be sent to. There is utility to that function. Using your description the internet is a magic place faeries built that provides no usefulness because it's virtual.
No, Bitcoin provides no value because it's bad at everything it tries to be. It's a bad store of value (-86% swings 3x in the last few years), it's a bad currency (7tx/sec) and it's bad for the environment (as much power consumption as Chile). The internet provides utility. Bitcoin provides speculation and crime.
Bitcoin is the best performing asset of the past years compared to stocks, gold, commodities, etc.