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Just Wanted to Say Thanks

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Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#181

Post by adamsea »

kostarelo wrote: post #126
6gvONxR4sf7o wrote: post #90

I’ve learned that when I have a positive thought about someone, it’s generally worth communicating it. If I think a coworker saved me on some project, I tell them. If my partner is making me feel warm and fuzzy, I tell her. If someone impresses me, I say so. I don’t think people express these things nearly as often as they feel them, and I expect that many of the positive things that do end up communicated have anoth…

On every retrospective session we do, every other week, there is an additional column called “stars” or “heros” and we add a note each there giving praises to someone else for something they did those two weeks. We then read them all out followed by a round of applause for each one of them. It brings great positivity to the team.

IMHO:

It’s appropriate for a manager or team lead to do this. It’s not appropriate to make it the norm (even if it’s “optional”) for the whole team.

Much better for a leader to model the desired behavior, and, create space for those on the team, of their own volition and without peer pressure, follow suit.

It will also be much more authentic, real, and meaningful.

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#182

Post by adar »

cutemonster wrote: post #165
cacois wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Of course you are entitled to your opinion, but "praise in public, punish in private" is a saying for a reason. Praise is more effective in public, and praising one person on the team publicly benefits the entire team, not just that person.

This is more "praise in public, when the boss says so, because the boss says so", though?

Nothing's stopping you from praising people at other times, is it?

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#183

Post by adamsea »

sailfast wrote: post #162
kostarelo wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On every retrospective session we do, every other week, there is an additional column called “stars” or “heros” and we add a note each there giving praises to someone else for something they did those two weeks. We then read them all out followed by a round of applause for each one of them. It brings great positivity to the team.

Lots of folks seem to dislike the star / hero approach, but my team has a simple “thanks” column in our retros and it works really well to set the tone for the rest of the conversation - and it’s a great reminder to say thanks. Even if it’s just “thanks for being you.” It’s a great way to express gratitude without it having to be some “best of the best” style moment.

That sounds reasonable and way different than like going around the circle and peer-pressuring everyone into delivering a compliment and then clapping as a group.

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#184

Post by tomc1985 »

cjmcqueen wrote: post #157
yiyus wrote: post #129

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We then read them all out followed by a round of applause for each one of them That may be good for team building and make some people feel better but, personally, I would find that situation very uncomfortable.

Gratitude is a skill anyone can learn. Accepting compliments is also a skill that anyone can learn. But, both of them take practice. It's okay to feel uncomfortable with something, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong. Sometimes we're just uncomfortable with something because it's not something we've had a lot of experience with.

Gratitude is great, but forced gratitude is worthless. At what point do things become a circlejerk?

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#185

Post by corobo »

nmlpx wrote: post #134
6gvONxR4sf7o wrote: post #90

I’ve learned that when I have a positive thought about someone, it’s generally worth communicating it. If I think a coworker saved me on some project, I tell them. If my partner is making me feel warm and fuzzy, I tell her. If someone impresses me, I say so. I don’t think people express these things nearly as often as they feel them, and I expect that many of the positive things that do end up communicated have anoth…

In theory that is great. I stopped praising colleagues after I found out that several people behaved as if they owned me afterwards. Also, I had a manager who would move everyone I praised off the team. He was paranoid about cliques.

You don't need to stop complementing, you need to work someplace else

That sounds awful

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#186

Post by vendiddy »

6gvONxR4sf7o wrote: post #90

I’ve learned that when I have a positive thought about someone, it’s generally worth communicating it. If I think a coworker saved me on some project, I tell them. If my partner is making me feel warm and fuzzy, I tell her. If someone impresses me, I say so. I don’t think people express these things nearly as often as they feel them, and I expect that many of the positive things that do end up communicated have anoth…

Great idea. People can usually sense when a compliment is genuine or forced. So sharing your positive thoughts ensures that most things you say are genuine.

I realized that I am biased toward communicating things like feedback or suggestions.

Yet I do have many positive thoughts about others that I keep to myself. I don't know why I do this.

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#187

Post by brigandish »

MaxBarraclough wrote: post #42
brigandish wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I thought the star button was a convenient way to keep track of projects you're interested in. > is it really considered so unusual for a someone to express gratitude to an open-source project? I would say yes, it's very unusual. The general lack of basic civility is, in my opinion, just one more reason for the lack of diversity in projects and lowers the number of contributors to open source.

> I thought the star button was a convenient way to keep track of projects you're interested in. Not exactly, as star numbers are made public, meaning it's also a form of public approval.

Good point. I had a cross project issue come in to a small project of mine a few years ago. The maintainers of the other project actually brought up their much larger number of stars to (try to) belittle me. Since that day I’ve noticed the correlation between stars and the kind of response I’m apt to get, negative in both senses.

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#188

Post by ShroudedNight »

corobo wrote: post #175
kostarelo wrote: post #126

Earlier quoted context omitted.

On every retrospective session we do, every other week, there is an additional column called “stars” or “heros” and we add a note each there giving praises to someone else for something they did those two weeks. We then read them all out followed by a round of applause for each one of them. It brings great positivity to the team.

Mandatory clap time sounds horrible haha. I guess it's nowhere as near as robotic as it sounds in reality

For me it evokes similar groupthink revulsion to the Walmart cheer or IBM's "Ever Onward". It's more on the 'Happy Birthday to You' side of the scale than a North Korean ode to dear leader, but still not edifying or pleasant.

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#189

Post by eyelidlessness »

tomc1985 wrote: post #184
cjmcqueen wrote: post #157

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Gratitude is a skill anyone can learn. Accepting compliments is also a skill that anyone can learn. But, both of them take practice. It's okay to feel uncomfortable with something, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong. Sometimes we're just uncomfortable with something because it's not something we've had a lot of experience with.

Gratitude is great, but forced gratitude is worthless. At what point do things become a circlejerk?

Formal doesn’t mean forced. Milestone events and traditions that involve greater than ordinary recognition is a part of most of humanity. Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, seasonal celebrations. Putting it on the calendar doesn’t mean you’re obligated, it means it’s reserved and valued enough to make formal space for it.

Re: Just Wanted to Say Thanks

#190

Post by eyelidlessness »

symlinkk wrote: post #148
ImaCake wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have personally experienced this. My otherwise really good manager had a monthly vote for the best worker in our small team where each vote was publicly announced. I, and another coworker, never got a vote while others got several. Really great way to make some of your workers feel really left out!

If they handed out the award to everyone it would be meaningless

On the contrary: If you have a team member who no one sees fit to find praise for, it’s probably a bad fit. Praise doesn’t need to be superlative to be sincere. Not everyone has to be a “rockstar” to deserve positive validation.
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