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I am lonely will anyone speak to me

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Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#101

Post by pksebben »

BurningFrog wrote: post #85
hoka-one-one wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Heads up, most (not all) women really hate seeing men complain or cry. I think most men who have been around women a lot understand this. It's just the way things are, it's not out of malice. If you're a man and you want to sulk with someone, another man or a therapist is best.

I think it's pretty simple: Women look to men for strength, so showing weakness takes a man out of consideration as a partner.

These are very broad generalizations, and not at all representative of anything like a truth. I concede that it may have been true in your experiences, but it's a fairly toxic pattern to make categorical statements about "what women want" or "what men are like" when the spread of human character is so broad.

Let's try not to limit what's possible by inflicting on the world what we expect.

Specifically, statements like these become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Not only are someone's perceptions influenced by social proof - if someone is treated as if you expect them to behave a certain way, they are more likely to behave that way (if I'm going to catch shit for being dishonest anyway, why not lie?).

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#102

Post by justathrowa »

throwawengo wrote: post #94
tw25532050 wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It might help folks that can be helped by talking to someone. For someone like me, it would only make me feel bad, like I'm burdening someone else with the knowledge that I'm going to end my life; I know they won't be able to "talk me out of it". I have no friends, no family, nor any coworkers since July. No one will notice me being dead then any more than they notice me being absent now. When the money runs out, I h…

I feel like I might have ended up in your position if I hadn't been inoculated against it early. I'd like to tell you how even objectively bad circumstances do not demand subjective suffering, that there exist treatments and substances that can genuinely help, to try to point you in the direction of Standard Official Resources, and that the future can be better and so on, but I also know that all of that can sound em…

>Please stick around and help, because no one else will replace you.

That's a touch arrogant to say, isn't it? 7.5 billion people, I'd imagine that most are not only replaceable, but trivially so.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#103

Post by throwawayafgxpm »

throwawayafgxpm wrote: post #52
tonymet wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

'Golden Phone' by Micachu & The Shapes. The Golden Phone is the yellow-painted suicide hotline phone found on bridges. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TRkZpFgJcI (it's upbeat)

One other. Nice for the lonely tonight. Unsettling but still beautiful, I think.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkICkf8e1GA

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#104

Post by justathrowa »

hiddencost wrote: post #13
tonymet wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

I've volunteered fairly regularly on one of the member hotlines, and have personally attempted suicide. Out of 1000 calls I had one person attempt, maybe 10 people decide not to attempt, and the rest were just people who were anxious or sad or scared and were having thoughts. There's a very broad spectrum, and for someone who is hopeless or just lonely and sad, talking to a caring human who listens and is comfortable…

"I don't want to hear about your problem, call these other people and stop bothering me about it."

Just my guess of how some people would hear it. And honestly I find it a a little weird though; if most people calling the line aren't really suicidal, why call it a suicide hotline?

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#105

Post by tw25532050 »

smeej wrote: post #69
tw25532050 wrote: post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It might help folks that can be helped by talking to someone. For someone like me, it would only make me feel bad, like I'm burdening someone else with the knowledge that I'm going to end my life; I know they won't be able to "talk me out of it". I have no friends, no family, nor any coworkers since July. No one will notice me being dead then any more than they notice me being absent now. When the money runs out, I h…

For some of us, it's not about changing your mind. You're right--life isn't for everyone. Death comes for everyone, one way or another, at some point. Normally we don't pick when, but maybe you're right and this is how it comes for you. That's not up to me. If you don't want to go through it alone, though, you don't have to. We could look that mystery in its face together. See what's there. I'm not expecting to go th…

I appreciate the offer. For me there's no great mystery; I die every night, and wake up every morning with that dead guy's memories. Life takes effort, and keeping that cycle going just hasn't been worth the effort for a long time. I made the decision months ago.

I think there are a lot of people who keep putting in the effort only to avoid imposing suffering on their loved ones and others. So, in a way I'm lucky in my loneliness: I'm free to be selfish.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#106

Post by [deleted] »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #95
mechnesium wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I’ve also found it incredibly difficult to help depressed/lonely people without experiencing some kind of backlash. I have a jobless friend who still lives with his parents, and is always lamenting about how terrible his life is, as if phishing for help. When I offer help, he becomes combative, so I try to just avoid the topic until one day he’s ready for change in his life.

It's mostly about moderating, but maybe it will be helpful to you/someone: https://witnesstodestruction.blogspot.com/p/a-pragmatic-appr...

[deleted]

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#108

Post by pschimi »

underseacables wrote: post #84
bentlloyd1 wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I disagree with this mindset. Humans are a social species and require some sort of interaction to thrive. Perpetuating this idea of going at it alone is a problem in modern society imo. This is coming from a pretty extreme introvert.

I reason that filling loneliness should not be the primary focus of a relationship. If you’re lonely, you’re making decisions because you’re lonely. However if you’re not lonely - meaning you’ve found happiness in being alone - then you would seem to be more free to choose partners based on other things than filling your loneliness. I guess in short, loneliness seems to be a really shortsighted reason to date someone…

From someone who used to be content with being alone most their life：Nothing hurts as much as being forced to be alone when you have become used to sharing life with someone else.

Consider the opposite though：imagine being trapped in a relationship both sides feel compelled only "for the Kids". If you feel bad for being alone, realize that what you got is the closest a human can be to true freedom. Only in being alone can you be unconstrained by the wants or needs (hell， just the wishes) of another person.

Your future self might envy this luxury of yours, so appreciate it while you can.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#109

Post by Brian_K_White »

DoreenMichele wrote: post #59
glouwbug wrote: post #56

Earlier quoted context omitted.

People don't like complainers. Plain matter of fact is your significant other sees you as the rock in the relationship, which is likely why the relationship works, and by complaining the foundation their attraction was built on was shaken.

I was actually thinking of the year when I was bedridden for several months and my life hung in the balance for the entire year and a female friend -- my best friend when I was a military wife stationed in Germany -- managed to get hold of me after not hearing from me for several months while I fought for my life and she went on for 45 minutes about her really minor whiny shit without so much as asking me how I was a…

I sometimes do something essentially the same as your former friend because I think the person with the problem probably wants to be treated like a normal person to feel as normal as possible instead of as a charity pity case. And to take their mind off of their completely obvious problems of the moment. IE, "I know my leg is cut off, we don't need to go over it and over it ..." I figure everyone in the world is smothering them with that so I will not do that.

However, I know that is a gamble and had I judged that wrong, and someone said "Hello can it be about me today instead of about you? just today? My leg... is gone... I'm not over it." I would NOT be hanging up and never call again.

I might possibly if the way you said it didn't clue me in why you were saying it. If I felt you really didn't want to hear from me at a time like that, then I'd be gone. gone. I thought I would be there for someone when the chips were down and they apparently do not value that from me. What a dumbass I've been.

I started this comment with the intention to say essentially "If you were worried at all that you did something wrong, don't." because even if there had been that initial mis-reading of intentions, that doesn't explain disappearing, so it's squarely on them.

But right at the end there while actuallly writing this, I realized there is a responsibility for communication on everyone's part. I realized there is a plausible sequence of events where I had good intentions and you had good intentions and I had reasonable reactions and you had reasonable reactions and still we both came away thinking the other person is not great.

So now I no longer know if I have a point. Well these worthless thoughts were free at least. :)

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#110

Post by prionassembly »

hiddencost wrote: post #61
sn41 wrote: post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It will be also great if you can briefly outline some of the things you tell them. I can't imagine the responsibility on the shoulders of a person who is trying to save a life at the other end of the line. Thank you for your service.

You don't tell them anything, you listen to them and encourage them to talk, and you help them understand the things they're struggling with by expressing the feelings you have in response to what they're saying. At some level, what people really want ultimately isn't an idea, it's a feeling, and learning how to soothe people is usually about being calm and attentive. The people who want me to provide them a solution…

7cups is an online, guided take on this. I volunteer every now and then.
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