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I am lonely will anyone speak to me

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Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#31

Post by dhaivat »

tonymet wrote: post #7
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

It might, even if one out of thousand who use it, I’d say it is worth it. A simple act of talking to someone is enough to walk someone off the metaphorical and literal ledge. That one call can lead to long term therapy and counseling. I know where you are coming from - it feels like a drive by post with a phone number.. but I really don’t have any other options to offer.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#32

Post by nom »

tonymet wrote: post #7
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

Does this number actually help? It’s shared kind of automatically but I find it trivializes suicide

Having met several people taking calls on similar numbers (in European countries though) and also called a few times myself, I can tell you: They help more than you can imagine.

Most callers are not suicidal, they just need someone empathetic they can talk to. 'Suicide hotline' is just one of the few keywords that are very effective, it catches people in their most vulnerable state right before it's too late for help. Type 'suicide' into google and they show you a number above all results.

To everyone who doesn't have a support structure, please just search for 'suicide/depression/anxiety/* hotline' in your language. You most likely will find someone who will talk to you for an hour at 4am. Don't feel bad about it, you are not bothering anyone, they often do it voluntarily and just want to help others.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#33

Post by bouncycastle »

tonymet wrote: post #16
hiddencost wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've volunteered fairly regularly on one of the member hotlines, and have personally attempted suicide. Out of 1000 calls I had one person attempt, maybe 10 people decide not to attempt, and the rest were just people who were anxious or sad or scared and were having thoughts. There's a very broad spectrum, and for someone who is hopeless or just lonely and sad, talking to a caring human who listens and is comfortable…

I think it’s a fine service , I’m questioning the ubiquitous copy pasta of sharing the number as if that’s what’s needed . The number itself is everywhere

Having a culture of sharing it is good, I think - it means that they save spending on advertising and have more funds for other things.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#34

Post by toyg »

donretag wrote: post #30
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it." As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

Don't be so downbeat. A lot of execs really hate remote working, they are people-persons who thrive on conviviality. They will soon push again to have proper offices. You'll be laughing at all this in 2022.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#35

Post by wGeF7H8Z59y985y »

donretag wrote: post #30
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it." As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

I think Aerosmith said it best:

> the light at the end of the tunnel may be you.

https://genius.com/Aerosmith-amazing-lyrics

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#36

Post by dhnajsjdnd »

donretag wrote: post #30
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it." As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

I recently did the software engineer job search thing and most of the companies said I’d be required to work to the office when the pandemic is over.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#37

Post by DoreenMichele »

I've studied social/psychological stuff, spent a lot of years suicidal and spent a number of years homeless which was incredibly socially isolating and even negatively impacted how people interacted with me online.

Some thoughts (intended as a buffet to choose from if it strikes your fancy, not a prescription for "the right way" to do anything at all):

1. It's usually not actually helpful to signal that you are desperate and lonely and your life is in the toilet. Once in a great while, someone will be truly wonderful to you because you did that but it's usually counterproductive.

2. It's usually better to look for one of two things: A chat-friendly space where it's okay to just talk to people or a discussion space on a topic that genuinely interests you.

3. Signaling desperation attracts predators far more often than it attracts real friends.

4. Support groups have a tendency to be all kinds of drama and not terribly helpful because it tends to be the case that you can't suggest to people "You could try doing things differently" because that will be taken as blaming the victim and it's just really hard to find good ways to help people solve their personal problems.

5. The best way to make friends is to connect with people you have something in common with. So joining discussions about things that interest you is more likely to help you connect socially.

6. Yes, you can have real friends via internet. I've had lots of real friends online over the years.

((germ-free internet hugs)) if you need/want them and happy holidays and all that.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#38

Post by goldenkey »

DanBC wrote: post #28
dhaivat wrote: post #4

It goes without saying that this year has been really difficult for most if not all of us. Not being able to see extended family especially during holiday season can feel lonely and depressing. Please, please, please don't make this a solo suffering, use FaceTime, Xoom, WhatsApp, Meet whatever to talk to friends/family if you can. If things feel worse - don't keep it to yourself, for those in the US - 1-800-273-8255'…

If people just want a chat there's a Twitter thing called #JoinIn. People get together for informal chats on Christmas day. It has a UK focus, which affects the times it'll be busiest.

Honestly, most of those of us who are lonely also hate corniness and artifice. And that sounds like both.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#39

Post by at-fates-hands »

dhnajsjdnd wrote: post #36
donretag wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"there is a light at the end of this fucking tunnel and we will get through it." As someone that was lonely before COVID, there is no light at the end. Makind friends when over 30 is incredibly difficult. Being an big extrovert in isolation is tough. I want to work in an office, but I probably never will again in our industry.

I recently did the software engineer job search thing and most of the companies said I’d be required to work to the office when the pandemic is over.

I have a few friends who have taken out of state contracts to do development work under the same premise. They've both said as soon as the pandemic is over, they'll finish their contracts and start working back in their home states again.

Re: I am lonely will anyone speak to me

#40

Post by ip26 »

tonymet wrote: post #16
hiddencost wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've volunteered fairly regularly on one of the member hotlines, and have personally attempted suicide. Out of 1000 calls I had one person attempt, maybe 10 people decide not to attempt, and the rest were just people who were anxious or sad or scared and were having thoughts. There's a very broad spectrum, and for someone who is hopeless or just lonely and sad, talking to a caring human who listens and is comfortable…

I think it’s a fine service , I’m questioning the ubiquitous copy pasta of sharing the number as if that’s what’s needed . The number itself is everywhere

The idea behind resharing it is basically to grab someone's attention who is contemplating self-harm and redirect them. The number is always available, but from the sound of it, someone about to commit self-harm is often feeling hopeless, alone, and has severe tunnel vision. So you have to get the offer of help right in front of them. This is why the number is posted all over bridges.

It's also allegedly a very acute thing. Many individuals contemplating self-harm, I am told, don't really want to, and are in that vulnerable moment only briefly, maybe only ever a few times. So helping them is truly possible.

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