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Tips for a Better Life

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Re: Tips for a Better Life

#191

Post by Trasmatta »

Jtsummers wrote: post #27

> 48. Keep your identity small. “I’m not the kind of person who does things like that” is not an explanation, it’s a trap. It prevents nerds from working out and men from dancing. This is one I've been trying to emphasize with a few friends for a while. The act of labeling yourself is the act of restricting yourself to what you think fits that label. And unless that makes you happy , it's probably not what you really…

This is good advice, but separate from the labeling, it's also okay to not like things. If you actually don't like dancing, that's okay, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not forcing yourself to like it. And other people shouldn't feel obligated to "Green Eggs and Ham" you over it.

If somebody says they're not interested in something, don't try to force them into it. You're not really doing them a favor. The dancing example is appropriate, because for some reason people who love dancing have a hard time understanding that others might legitimately just not enjoy doing it.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#192

Post by emmelaich »

Note that many of the item numbers are links.

Regarding

> 52. If you want to become funny, try just saying stupid shit (in the right company!) until something sticks.

There's some quote (Oscar Wilde?) that says being witty consists of saying out loud what other people are thinking.

There's an obvious downside to overdoing it though!

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#193

Post by HexagonalKitten »

Trasmatta wrote: post #191
Jtsummers wrote: post #27

> 48. Keep your identity small. “I’m not the kind of person who does things like that” is not an explanation, it’s a trap. It prevents nerds from working out and men from dancing. This is one I've been trying to emphasize with a few friends for a while. The act of labeling yourself is the act of restricting yourself to what you think fits that label. And unless that makes you happy , it's probably not what you really…

This is good advice, but separate from the labeling, it's also okay to not like things. If you actually don't like dancing, that's okay, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not forcing yourself to like it. And other people shouldn't feel obligated to "Green Eggs and Ham" you over it. If somebody says they're not interested in something, don't try to force them into it. You're not really doing them a favor. The dancin…

The advice would be to not let a label tell you that you don't like it. If you don't like dancing because men don't dance then that's silly, no matter if it's your deepest held conviction or not.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#194

Post by Jtsummers »

Trasmatta wrote: post #191
Jtsummers wrote: post #27

> 48. Keep your identity small. “I’m not the kind of person who does things like that” is not an explanation, it’s a trap. It prevents nerds from working out and men from dancing. This is one I've been trying to emphasize with a few friends for a while. The act of labeling yourself is the act of restricting yourself to what you think fits that label. And unless that makes you happy , it's probably not what you really…

This is good advice, but separate from the labeling, it's also okay to not like things. If you actually don't like dancing, that's okay, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not forcing yourself to like it. And other people shouldn't feel obligated to "Green Eggs and Ham" you over it. If somebody says they're not interested in something, don't try to force them into it. You're not really doing them a favor. The dancin…

That's fair. But I know a number of men (to go with the example) who think it's unmasculine to dance (or to dance in certain styles and settings). However, as a single guy taking up ballroom and tango dancing was a great idea for meeting women (along with, at that time in my life, getting in better shape and starting to dress better). The notion that "real men don't dance" (like real men don't eat quiche) is harmful to many individuals because it's become internalized as a quality of themselves due to identity and not due to actual preference.

That's the problem with labeling and holding onto an identity too strongly. It can contradict the actual desires of the individual and can often contradict reality.

But I agree, don't force it on people. I've never tried to force anyone into something they don't want to do. When they, on a rare occasion, participate in something they ostensibly hate and express real joy in the experience, it's obvious that it's not the activity that's the problem but something else.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#195

Post by HexagonalKitten »

caturopath wrote: post #168

> After a breakup, cease all contact as soon as practical. The potential for drama is endless, and the potential for a good friendship is negligible. Strange. It's a bit of a red flag if someone is in complete radio silence with all their exes, frankly. Obviously, you aren't going to enjoy hanging out next week, but I'm surprised you dated enough that there's a "breakup" if you don't enjoy each other enough to have s…

I agree about the red-flag part for avoiding all your exes, but I also find it a red-flag when someone says how well they get along with their exes. "If so, why do you have so many, and why aren't you still with any of them?"

If you were with someone with serious intent of trying to be a compatible partner, and failed despite your best efforts such that you and your partner agree the best thing is to not be together, then probably your instincts aren't as good as you would want... Maybe you don't fully understand why "being friends" won't be as helpful for either party as desired.

It's important to be capable of being friendly with your exes, all the more so the less you actually get along. But it's probably unwise to put this to the test.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#196

Post by Trasmatta »

HexagonalKitten wrote: post #193
Trasmatta wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is good advice, but separate from the labeling, it's also okay to not like things. If you actually don't like dancing, that's okay, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not forcing yourself to like it. And other people shouldn't feel obligated to "Green Eggs and Ham" you over it. If somebody says they're not interested in something, don't try to force them into it. You're not really doing them a favor. The dancin…

The advice would be to not let a label tell you that you don't like it. If you don't like dancing because men don't dance then that's silly, no matter if it's your deepest held conviction or not.

Yep, agreed. I only point it out because there are certain types of activities where others will assume you only dislike it because of the label, and not because you actually don't like it. Dancing seems to be one of those.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#197

Post by alexmingoia »

rantwasp wrote: post #155

> 23. (~This is not medical advice~). Don’t waste money on multivitamins, they don’t work. Vitamin D supplementation does seem to work, which is important because deficiency is common. Sorry, but this is BS. The first consideration is: are you able to get all the nutrients you need from the food you eat. Even if you can (and that's a big if) did you know that absorption of the said nutrients gets worse with age? (ie…

It’s not BS. There’s no evidence demonstrating a significant difference and clear link in health outcomes for people who take multivitamins or placebo.

http://phs.bwh.harvard.edu/

https://www.health.harvard.edu/mens-health/do-multivitamins-...

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#198

Post by Trasmatta »

Jtsummers wrote: post #194
Trasmatta wrote: post #191

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is good advice, but separate from the labeling, it's also okay to not like things. If you actually don't like dancing, that's okay, and you shouldn't feel guilty about not forcing yourself to like it. And other people shouldn't feel obligated to "Green Eggs and Ham" you over it. If somebody says they're not interested in something, don't try to force them into it. You're not really doing them a favor. The dancin…

That's fair. But I know a number of men (to go with the example) who think it's unmasculine to dance (or to dance in certain styles and settings). However, as a single guy taking up ballroom and tango dancing was a great idea for meeting women (along with, at that time in my life, getting in better shape and starting to dress better). The notion that "real men don't dance" (like real men don't eat quiche) is harmful…

Yeah, I definitely agree with this. My pet peeve is just when people assume you're not doing something because of the label, not because you actually just don't enjoy the thing.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#199

Post by yters »

war1025 wrote: post #149
maverick2007 wrote: post #125

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm also curious about this. Maybe OP was struggling with "what's the point of life if we all die anyways" and found Catholicism gave them an answer more quickly and efficiently than other methods like reading/synthesizing/applying what philosophers and other thinkers had to say about the issue? (I consider myself Catholic so this is definitely not meant to be a dunk on religion or Catholicism)

One thing that I appreciate about Catholicism is that it attempts to be a much more rigorous and academic approach to faith when compared to the more "evangelical" strains of Christianity popular in the US. The Reformation did some good with pointing out that religion doesn't need to be a solely academic pursuit, but some branches went to far and seem to have interpreted that as "there is nothing academic worth pursu…

Yes, this is the reason. I read through plenty of philosophy and such, and Catholicism was the best synthesis as well as claiming to be historically and empirically demonstrable. Previously I was protestant and then maybe atheist, and I always felt an underlying sense of emptiness and despair. Since becoming Catholic this fundamental sense of spinning through the void has disappeared, partly because Catholicism seems to be the only worldview that really takes rigorous truth seriously. Every other perspective seems to have fundamental questions they are unwilling to entertain. I don't feel I sold out by accepting an answer to my questions.

Re: Tips for a Better Life

#200

Post by anonymouse71 »

culopatin wrote: post #189
anonymouse71 wrote: post #152

The part about always dying... I have struggled with this concept since I was a child. If anyone has any words of advice on dealing with that that aren’t “just accept it” or religious in nature, that would be helpful.

Try to stay busier so you think more about what you want to accomplish and not about what you haven’t. I was pretty suicidal by normal standards because of how much I would think about my death and everyone’s death. I moved countries and started working 15hs a day and didn’t have time to spend thinking about that anymore. I got fixed

My problem is that I can do this but I know all it will do is make me temporarily forget, not fix the fundamental problem I feel I am facing. I am afraid of self deception I guess.

Just now I wrote up all my thoughts on this here: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=25524409

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