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Ask HN: How to develop empathy?

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Ask HN: How to develop empathy?

#1

Post by bhagwan »

A few days ago, I was walking down the street chatting with a friend when he pulled me by the arm and said "Don't step in the dog poo".

I realised that when I was in high school, my friends and I had a relationship based on camaraderie and mockery. It wasn't offensive and we knew each other's boundaries but we would all be celebrating if one of us had stepped in dog poop and we would definitely not have warned him.

How could I get rid of this taste for mocking, no matter how friendly it is?

Re: Ask HN: How to develop empathy?

#3

Post by rawgabbit »

Why do you mock? Is it to put down the other? Establish social pecking order? If you want to help your friend or establish a true relationship based on mutual respect and trust, your speech should come from a place of honesty and a desire to help the other.

Re: Ask HN: How to develop empathy?

#4

Post by quickthrower2 »

It’s not necessarily bad to enjoy camaraderie and mockery but of course you need to keep a mental model of who likes that and who doesn’t. As you meet new people you need to think “do they have that sense of humour”. Australia is well know for “if they take the mick it means they like you” but not everyone is like that.

The best thing is be yourself but add a layer of “Hope I didn’t offend you - I like to tease sometimes”. And add a tonne of common sense too!

Re: Ask HN: How to develop empathy?

#9

Post by poletopole »

It’s okay to be indifferent, perhaps it’s natural for humans to be ruthless. If your friend is so self-absorbed as not to notice he is about to step into poop, then he will step in poop, just not while you’re around to smell it.

Buddhists are the most indifferent yet compassionate people I know because compassion requires impeccable mental silence at all times, and after so many years you realize it really doesn’t matter if your friend knows he’s about to step in poop or not. All that matters is that he learns his lesson, that he was too important to not notice the poop himself, and that’s not something you can tell him, he has to learn that lesson himself.

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