Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Being kind to others is good for your health

bbc.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 277 posts

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#211

Post by kumarvvr »

In todays world, more often than not, being kind is interpreted as weakness.

This is especially true in modern corporate environments, where incentives are aligned to promote a dog eat dog world, no matter what the corporates speak about 'values'. It is compounded by a culture where not getting a promotion or not earning ever increasing salaries, is propagated and interpreted as undeserving, weak or useless.

Human nature is described in Hindu scriptures as 'restless and unpredictable as a drunken monkey, stung by a scorpion'.

So people learn to hide their kindness, and put up a facade of toughness. But just as a lie repeated a million times is percieved as truth, a kind personality hidden behind toughness loses itself and the person becomes a shell of their former selves.

That is why you have news stories today celebrating small acts of kindness, integrity, honesty or truthfulness, where the norm is those acts should be a standard part of every persons life.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#212

Post by runamok »

dukeofdoom wrote: post #26

I was doing all these things this week, and had a realization that the older I get more and more rely on me. I don't know how it got to be that way. But it was probably doing one kind thing followed by another. And now I'm getting all kinds of help requests. Just in the last week, I helped my cousin move (ridiculous amount of stuff), donated to my other cousins gofund me for his restaurant and stayed up 3 hours talki…

I've always noticed when I am doing things for others I can't spend too much time dwelling on what isn't perfect about my life.

I have found you have to be careful not to expect much in return otherwise you can start feeling resentful.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#213

Post by warent »

geedy wrote: post #97
warent wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kindness takes courage. There seem to be a lot of people who live at a level of abstraction where they perceive every interaction as being about dominance and submission. In my humble opinion it is a very limited mindset. I consider myself to be generous person, and also slow to anger. As a result, there are people who think they hit the jackpot and found a submissive pushover who is like a flimsy tree that will bend…

I love this. Any tips for doing this during a pandemic? Beyond just the usual of treating people well?

Specifically for the pandemic, I think there are many things. Post on a neighborhood community board (e.g. on reddit, nextdoor, etc) offering food (sanitized). Get toys for underprivileged children. Or, write letters to strangers in elderly care homes and/or prisons, who may not get to see family or have anyone who thinks about them.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#214

Post by hombre_fatal »

Biganon wrote: post #190
xyzelement wrote: post #175

Defaulting to generosity - while operating with healthy boundaries - is by far the most beneficial mindset. The alternatives are: Victim. "I am too weak and poor to help anyone but I expect people to help me." This belief corrodes you. Stoic(can't think of a better word.) "I don't help anyone and therefore I don't expect anyone to help me". Well, better than the victim but ends up passing up many opportunities where…

I find it kinda weird that you called the doormat archetype gross, and not the abuser.

Tip: Don't race to make the most uncharitable, extreme interpretation.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#215

Post by adamsea »

tossmeout wrote: post #196
xyzelement wrote: post #175

Defaulting to generosity - while operating with healthy boundaries - is by far the most beneficial mindset. The alternatives are: Victim. "I am too weak and poor to help anyone but I expect people to help me." This belief corrodes you. Stoic(can't think of a better word.) "I don't help anyone and therefore I don't expect anyone to help me". Well, better than the victim but ends up passing up many opportunities where…

The variables here are: * where your boundaries lie along the spectrum from self-serving to doormat * your propensity to be generous to people on the good side of your boundaries I myself trend close to what you'd call a stoic. Probably out of fear of being a doormat. My boundaries are healthyish, but I don't quite trust them. So I don't seek out help from others, and in return I hope they don't ask for generosity fr…

> where your boundaries lie along the spectrum from self-serving to doormat ...

Healthy boundaries are more consistent and universal than you think, with the massive caveat being different cultures handling boundaries differently.

But it’s more about the fundamental psychological nature of human beings and less about individual personality.

IMHO a lot of what you describe boils down to “people who could develop healthier boundaries through therapy or other forms of personal growth and healing.”

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#216

Post by adamsea »

cosmodisk wrote: post #149
closeparen wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Encountering people who live on that level can be a trip. I went to lunch with some classmates after lecture. I had been fixated on the content. But the salient facts to one of my classmates were instead: who had spoken, with how much confidence, how often, for how long, how the professor seemed to feel about it. It was eye opening. There was this whole other dimension to the room, which I could barely see, but to he…

While I appreciate the usefulness of such observational skills and I can do it to a decent degree, I tend not to most of the time. I just switch it off.I don't want to live my life where every interaction is some spy game or thriller,where everyone in the room scans each other for clues. Having said that, I must admit that observational skills pulled me out of very very difficult situations a few times.

Observing other people’s behavior and feelings can be a positive activity for prosocial behavior and when used in constructive ways feels good to do.

Not unlike say, mindfulness. Of oneself, of others.

Says the person commenting on HN at midnight ;)

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#219

Post by enriquto »

harimau777 wrote: post #156
enriquto wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> so many people (in my industry/nation/orbit) mistake kindness for weakness. A complementary but closely related problem is that many people mistake unkindness for aggression.

Isn't it though? At least if it's intentional.

> Isn't it though? At least if it's intentional.

No, it isn't. You can be unkind and peaceful. Civilization is based on the possibility that people who hate each other can still work together for the common good. Intentional kindness is often disgustingly hypocritical, at least in my (non-U.S.) culture.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#220

Post by manmal »

throwaway98797 wrote: post #68
dukeofdoom wrote: post #26

I was doing all these things this week, and had a realization that the older I get more and more rely on me. I don't know how it got to be that way. But it was probably doing one kind thing followed by another. And now I'm getting all kinds of help requests. Just in the last week, I helped my cousin move (ridiculous amount of stuff), donated to my other cousins gofund me for his restaurant and stayed up 3 hours talki…

I only help people in the things that I’m likely to be the best resource. I’ll help you with a career transition discussion. No matter how many hours it takes. On the other hand when my best friend asked to help him move. I told him no. Laughed in his face. None of my friends dare ask me for physical help now. I think the world is a better place when we specialize in things we are uniquely gifted at.

You might be trying to apply a business/market principle to domains where they probably are not fitting. Eg specialization has its place in nature, but there is also the problem of overfitting, and those beings usually die out if their environment changes slightly.

Packs of wolves do automatically specialize their individuals (eg alpha wolf spends more time looking after the others) - but the crucial part is that their roles change. If the alpha dies, another individual has to take their place, or the group becomes unbalanced and will probably die because of it. They are not necessarily „gifted“ at being an alpha, but they might be just good enough.

I also cannot imagine helping anybody move who laughed into my face when it was my turn. I actually cannot imagine being their friend at all, but that’s just me maybe.

Post reply on HN