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Being kind to others is good for your health

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Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#181

Post by momokoko »

dukeyukey wrote: post #168
momokoko wrote: post #130

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I believe it misses the fact that there are very different cultures within Washington or Texas. For example, Austin is very different from Houston and even north Houston is very different from south Houston. Eastern Washington is completely different culturally than western Washington(Seattle etc). No where else in the world has the massive amount of diversity that the US does at the scale of the US. It’s not even cl…

I completely believe there are differences, but are they really that different compared to areas of similar size in Europe, where you might go through a dozen different languages, different religions, massively varying political party support? And if you look at India or Indonesia, the cultural diversity becomes even more again.

Yes. Significantly different. Do you realize that metropolitan areas in US are not even 50% white or Christian or likely any of the other stereotypes people have of the US outside of the US.

Many cities in the US provide documentation in often 4 or more languages. Schools employ large teams of specialists for teaching English as there are significant amounts of schools where less than half of the student population is a native English speaker.

Cable TV in most areas offers packages of programming in many different languages. In the US, network television is broadcast with a simultaneous Spanish language audio.

This homogeneous white, English speaking, Christian view of the US may have been true in the 1960s, but outside of the rural US, this is no longer valid.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#182

Post by the_arun »

taurath wrote: post #71
warent wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Kindness takes courage. There seem to be a lot of people who live at a level of abstraction where they perceive every interaction as being about dominance and submission. In my humble opinion it is a very limited mindset. I consider myself to be generous person, and also slow to anger. As a result, there are people who think they hit the jackpot and found a submissive pushover who is like a flimsy tree that will bend…

I think a lot of discussion here is conflating kindness with vulnerability. Kindness can sometimes mean vulnerability, but saying “no” is not inherently unkind. Kindness is also not necessarily self-sacrificing. You can have firm boundaries but be incredibly kind. Working out the differences to me has opened up a new level of relationships.

The key is practically selfless. For eg. You are buying food from restaurant - you see a homeless person standing there with a board asking for food. But you have money only to buy one sandwich. What do you do?

1. Say "no", because you too are hungry

2. Share half of the sandwich?

3. Giving whole sandwich & walk away as a saint?

(3) is super kindness, but that needs different level of thinking & practice. Kindness we are talking here is (2).

Your "no" point comes for the remaining half in (2).

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#183

Post by xyzelement »

anonytrary wrote: post #174
xyzelement wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I made a similar comment above but it's -all about- that line. AKA boundaries. If you are clear on what's OK with you and what's not OK, then you are liberated to be kind and generous as long as people are on the OK side. If that line is blurry, you end up oscillating between doormat and asshole and it's just an unhealthy place (speaking from past experience.)

Same, definitely have come off as an asshole saying "no" before. Saying "no" is an art, indeed, easier when you know where that line is.

What you're saying is very true but just to clarify I meant something else.

When you don't have boundaries, you are constantly expecting to be transgressed upon, so half the time you let people do it and other half of the time you tell them to fuck off when it would have been fine to help them. That's what I mean by asshole.

What you're talking about is a healthy no. And I agree there are good ways and bad ways to say it, and you're right that being clear on your boundaries enables the good way - can be as simple as "I am sorry, I am just not comfortable with that."

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#185

Post by AlwaysRock »

ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #49

The only issue that I have, is that so many people (in my industry/nation/orbit) mistake kindness for weakness. I live in New York, which has a basic culture of "hyper aggressiveness." It isn't "rudeness," as so many people like to think of New Yorkers. They can be aggressively kind and generous. They are just aggressive. I'm also in the tech industry, which seems to have a very aggressive and competitive culture. It…

I don't know. Leave New York. I chose to move to Chicago rather than New York after college because 1. cost of living 2. people.

The midwest is nice. New York city folks are not. I've worked at two companies where I managed or worked heavily with our New York office and hated it both times.

I realize not every New Yorker is an asshole and not everyone can leave the city on a whim but if its good for your health its worth considering.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#186

Post by AlwaysRock »

anonytrary wrote: post #143

In my experience, being kind results in self-interested people taking advantage of you. People who want to climb the corporate ladder often prey on the kind, so I feel that kindness is "taught out" of people. There is a fine line between being kind and being a doormat. I don't really know where the line is though.

It sounds like there is a mistake in this tread about what being kind is. Being kind doesnt mean being agreeable to any idea and doing things for other people. If someone if asking you to do something you cant do you have the option of kindly telling them you cant do it or telling them you cant do it in a rude or mean way.

It takes effort to be kind.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#188

Post by bluetomcat »

50 wrote: post #152
bluetomcat wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> I live in New York, which has a basic culture of "hyper aggressiveness" A defining trait of American culture is hyperactivity. Commenting on trivial stuff, moving around restlessly while holding a drink, despise for idle time. The "kindness" thing is a form of hyper-expressivity which is rarely seen in calm cultures.

Furthermore, there is this idea of egoism. To think merely of profit - which you see in major cities with millions of people in the United States, it seems - is to be egoistic. The root of kindness is egotistical poverty. After all: egoism overlooks, kindness sees. You may substitute the words 'humility' or 'attention' for 'kindness' for the former and latter claim, and it will still hold true. And therefore, egoism…

I would call it outwardly-expressive utilitarianism. The idea that the individual should channel their views, emotions and experiences through self-expression and self-identification, for the purpose of achieving tangible worldly goals. It’s an interesting amalgam of the traditions of Anglo-Saxon liberalism and of Protestantism with its practices for preaching and confession, transitioned on a new geographic and institutional reality.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#189

Post by austincheney »

warent wrote: post #63
ChrisMarshallNY wrote: post #49

The only issue that I have, is that so many people (in my industry/nation/orbit) mistake kindness for weakness. I live in New York, which has a basic culture of "hyper aggressiveness." It isn't "rudeness," as so many people like to think of New Yorkers. They can be aggressively kind and generous. They are just aggressive. I'm also in the tech industry, which seems to have a very aggressive and competitive culture. It…

Kindness takes courage. There seem to be a lot of people who live at a level of abstraction where they perceive every interaction as being about dominance and submission. In my humble opinion it is a very limited mindset. I consider myself to be generous person, and also slow to anger. As a result, there are people who think they hit the jackpot and found a submissive pushover who is like a flimsy tree that will bend…

> There seem to be a lot of people who live at a level of abstraction where they perceive every interaction as being about dominance and submission. In my humble opinion it is a very limited mindset.

That is sociopathic so it isn’t always easy to identify but it’s easy to disregard.

Kindness is generally a default. At a minimum it’s called mutual respect and at an absence it’s called being an asshole. It hardly takes any courage to be better than that. I cannot imagine the amount of medication people require if that is their definition of courage, as there isn’t any challenge there. Perhaps it’s a cultural difference.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#190

Post by Biganon »

xyzelement wrote: post #175

Defaulting to generosity - while operating with healthy boundaries - is by far the most beneficial mindset. The alternatives are: Victim. "I am too weak and poor to help anyone but I expect people to help me." This belief corrodes you. Stoic(can't think of a better word.) "I don't help anyone and therefore I don't expect anyone to help me". Well, better than the victim but ends up passing up many opportunities where…

I find it kinda weird that you called the doormat archetype gross, and not the abuser.
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