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Being kind to others is good for your health

bbc.com

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Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#31

Post by cpncrunch »

mewpmewp2 wrote: post #11
tomlue wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

From the article, “There is research suggesting that people who are in better health are more likely to volunteer, but because scientists are very well aware of that, in our studies we statistically control for that,” says Sara Konrath

I wonder how it is possible to control for that? They mentioned only controlling for health, but what about thousands of other things? Few as an example: 1. Individuals who do high risk activities might be less likely to do volunteer work. 2. Individuals who simply have bad habits in life might be less likely to volunteer. 3. People who die earlier won't even make it far enough to be in position to donate. 4. Poor pe…

If you read the article you'll see they did a prospective trial where they assigned either wait-list or volunteering to two groups. This wasn't just looking at correlations between volunteering and health.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#33

Post by j2bax »

dukeofdoom wrote: post #26

I was doing all these things this week, and had a realization that the older I get more and more rely on me. I don't know how it got to be that way. But it was probably doing one kind thing followed by another. And now I'm getting all kinds of help requests. Just in the last week, I helped my cousin move (ridiculous amount of stuff), donated to my other cousins gofund me for his restaurant and stayed up 3 hours talki…

Good for you brother. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, but the world would be a better place if more people did everything they could to help those around them in need.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#34

Post by wolverine876 »

atum47 wrote: post #10

in theory this looks good. reality is a bit different. I constantly have problems with my left and right neighbor (middle of pandemic and this a hole is doing a barbecue with loud music since yesterday) about their lack of consideration (this in my parents house, where I am right now). In my apartment is no different... loud music, stumping on the floor... that kind of problem you have on a building. my father have a…

It's not going to completely solve every problem - that's a pretty high standard! Maybe you could ask your father how he feels about it.

I see and experience the same things you do, and I choose compassion and kindness (my mantra with strangers is: trust, care, help). I can't change other people or the world, but I do choose how I respond to them. I can defy the evil, unhappiness and despair in the world. What I've learned is that it is so much better for me, and for the other people, and for the situation - it doesn't solve every problem, it's not the entire solution, it doesn't even work every time, but it moves the needle; perhaps most importantly, I think it sets an example and inspires others - imagine a world without the compassionate people. Compassion is armor: When people act like jerks, usually it's because they have their own problems, their are overwhelmed, they are afraid, etc. You and I act like jerks too. Have compassion on them and on yourself - life is hard.

> never interact with this kind of people forever

Whatever kind they are, they are everywhere. We all need to find our peace of mind, but at the same time I don't want to withdraw: What am I living for? To avoid? More people are more opportunities to live.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#35

Post by tyu2 »

cpncrunch wrote: post #30
tyu2 wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How on earth can they control for that in short term studies? Is it even possible to get any statistical significance on that? Smells like bullshit, there is no way there is causation on health from volunteering. Think about it, if you are volunteering you are likely to not just have good health, but afford good health care, have plenty of free time for various activities, less stress in life, enjoy and seek social a…

If you read the article, it gives more details. For example, they did a controlled trial on two groups of students: one group was put on a waitlist, the other group given tutoring tasks. The tutoring group had lower levels of inflammatory markers.

Sure, but it has nothing to do with volunteering or health.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#37

Post by Technically »

dukeofdoom wrote: post #26

I was doing all these things this week, and had a realization that the older I get more and more rely on me. I don't know how it got to be that way. But it was probably doing one kind thing followed by another. And now I'm getting all kinds of help requests. Just in the last week, I helped my cousin move (ridiculous amount of stuff), donated to my other cousins gofund me for his restaurant and stayed up 3 hours talki…

Personally I've given a lot of money and personal help in the last year, probably more than the rest of my life added up. I think there are worse ways to handle crises.

Granted, I'm only thirty. Perhaps you were trying to illustrate someone I haven't experienced yet.

That this is necessary is really disillusioning for an understanding the US, where I live—both with society and the government itself.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#38

Post by ABCLAW »

atum47 wrote: post #10

in theory this looks good. reality is a bit different. I constantly have problems with my left and right neighbor (middle of pandemic and this a hole is doing a barbecue with loud music since yesterday) about their lack of consideration (this in my parents house, where I am right now). In my apartment is no different... loud music, stumping on the floor... that kind of problem you have on a building. my father have a…

Being helpful and kind to others also requires that you be kind to yourself. You can only give when it is healthy to do so.

Some people will be narcissists, self involved, and mean. Some people will try to take advantage of you. That's okay; You cut them out of your circles and move on. Being kind and pruning your social circles to those who are kind in return is like tending a garden. It isn't 'unkind' to weed the place a bit from time to time to make an environment that you enjoy being in.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#39

Post by yudlejoza »

atum47 wrote: post #10

in theory this looks good. reality is a bit different. I constantly have problems with my left and right neighbor (middle of pandemic and this a hole is doing a barbecue with loud music since yesterday) about their lack of consideration (this in my parents house, where I am right now). In my apartment is no different... loud music, stumping on the floor... that kind of problem you have on a building. my father have a…

There's no recovery from BNS (bad neighbor situation) in my opinion. I see that as a point of no return. The only sane outcome is, one of the two parties bailing out.

BNS doesn't mean it only happens between neighbors, just that that's what it feels like even if it happens between two parties that are not necessarily neighbors, e.g., two coworkers, two classmates, two CEOs of rival corporations. The list is endless.

BNS is the bane of my existence. I'd do anything to have a life where I'm not in a BNS match with anyone.

Re: Being kind to others is good for your health

#40

Post by adamsea »

ABCLAW wrote: post #38
atum47 wrote: post #10

in theory this looks good. reality is a bit different. I constantly have problems with my left and right neighbor (middle of pandemic and this a hole is doing a barbecue with loud music since yesterday) about their lack of consideration (this in my parents house, where I am right now). In my apartment is no different... loud music, stumping on the floor... that kind of problem you have on a building. my father have a…

Being helpful and kind to others also requires that you be kind to yourself. You can only give when it is healthy to do so. Some people will be narcissists, self involved, and mean. Some people will try to take advantage of you. That's okay; You cut them out of your circles and move on. Being kind and pruning your social circles to those who are kind in return is like tending a garden. It isn't 'unkind' to weed the p…

> Being helpful and kind to others also requires that you be kind to yourself. You can only give when it is healthy to do so.

Agreed. We all deserve the same fundamental measure of respect. It’s equally important to be kind to myself and to others. The two are the same thing in disguise.

It can take reflection to parse out each situation, but if a “helping” act of mine is actually damaging to me in a way I resent or would prefer to avoid, then am I really being kind to the other person? I’d argue that often I’m actually acting out of an unhealthy impulse of guilt, some sense of social-obligation, self-identity, etc, which is really just about myself.

Sometimes helping another person - even if they want said help - actually doesn’t help them at all, and that’s not really kindness in my opinion. It requires judgement.

True kindness includes more than the “soft and mushy” feelings a lot of us look on with suspicion. Authentic kindness and care can be hard as fuck because it means saying no or not helping someone when your natural impulse is to do so.

See: parenting, family members/friends with addictions, letting go an employee who’s well-intentioned, breaking up with someone who’s nice, etc.

IMHO Buddhist thought is a great tool for thinking about this kind of stuff.

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