Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

How to buy gifts that people actually want

willpatrick.co.uk

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

211–220 of 285 posts

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#211

Post by closeparen »

georgeecollins wrote: post #7

Gift exchange is undervalued as a custom, at least in America. I am thinking particularly as a business custom. A gift gives you a chance to express gratitude, show your understanding / empathy of the recipient. It also is a great way to make a communication about who you are. That's why gifts of your product or service can be really effective.

This is an uncomfortable truth.

I am very rarely able to map my understanding / empathy of people onto objects, and it's seriously anxiety-inducing to think about how this signals a lack of understanding or care.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#212

Post by throwaway2245 »

tempestn wrote: post #196
throwaway2245 wrote: post #167

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know it's somewhat taboo to give cash, but surely cash is better than a gift card (with a note to spend it on their hobby, if you like)? If the gift card value is too low to get the treat that I wanted, then I feel obligated to spend more money than I would have; if the gift card value is too high, then I have to buy things I don't want. Or I wait until I actually need the gift card (as I suspect most people do), a…

The problem with that is, when someone receives cash, they will often feel the responsible thing to do is save it. Pay down their bills or add to their investments or whatever. Or even if they don't need the money, just adding it to the bank account and forgetting about it will often be the default action, even if some suggestion came with it. But then it's just a drop in the bucket, and they don't really get to expe…

> The problem with that is, when someone receives cash, they will often feel the responsible thing to do is save it.

That's not my experience of giving, receiving, or observing other people giving and receiving cash as a gift.

Most people seem (to me) to feel the responsible thing to do is to use the money in the way that the giver wanted for them.

Anecdote: My friend who was saving for a house received gift money from her grandparents. Despite the money being useful for her savings, she went and first bought a kayak with it, because that was more true to what her grandparents wanted.

If the giver says "please spend this on your hobby" then it seems to me that the money gets spent on that hobby - likely more effectively and perhaps more often than a gift card does.

Giving a gift card might force the issue, but that's not a good thing.

If someone needed that money to cover their rent this month, and is resultingly able to buy themselves something for themselves the next month, that's an awesomely good outcome. A gift card in that situation would be upsetting to the point of damaging.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#213

Post by claudiawerner »

cgriswald wrote: post #199
joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

There's a lot to unpack here. I think a much better method is to recognize that if you have trouble figuring out a gift for a person, you either haven't put enough thought into it, or you don't know the person as well as you might like. > "I love X author" This is fine as long as you realize they probably own all of author's works and maybe even pre-ordered the latest release. Find something unique (signed copy? firs…

>This can be a minefield. If you personally know something about the hobby this can work. But if you find yourself saying "The minimum wage employee at Best Buy told me this widget was the best one"

I've heard people talk about this online. For example, someone getting into record collecting being gifted the cheapest turntable available on Amazon or in a high street fashion/trinkets store that not only sounds bad but may even damage the records. A waste of money if the recipient is already saving up for a good turntable or already has one. Slightly less worse is receiving an original pressing of an old record but not taking enough time to read about the quality it's being sold in.

You can't exactly tell the gifter you spent 10x the cost of a Crosley on a phono preamp alone :)

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#216

Post by darkerside »

People don't remember what you said. They don't remember what you did. But they'll always remember the way you made them feel.

And if you got them that showboat present that made everyone in the room scream in vicarious delight, you probably made them feel pretty fucking good in that moment, even if they never use it again.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#217

Post by irrational »

Many years ago (probably about 20) my wife said she didn’t think we should give gifts to each other. Not Christmas, birthdays, anniversary, etc. Nothing. I thought she was crazy, but went along with it sure that she would see the foolishness and change her mind. Well, to my surprise it has turned out to be a fantastic idea. It totally takes the stress out of holidays and other times. If either of us wants something, we just buy it. We still do something to celebrate the occasion (go out to eat for birthday, go to bed and breakfast for anniversary, etc.), but we haven’t given each other a single gift in decades.

The only issue we have found is now we are uncomfortable giving gifts to other people. If I’m not going to give my wife (my best friend) a gift for Christmas, why would I give you a gift?

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#218

Post by jader201 »

tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

This really should be the top comment. The ones above it try to give suggestions, but miss the main point: most adults don’t need anything, and further, don’t want anything.

I think there are a few people that are just really into giving gifts — maybe they also love receiving them?

But it seems like most people just don’t.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#219

Post by irrational »

cgriswald wrote: post #199
joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

There's a lot to unpack here. I think a much better method is to recognize that if you have trouble figuring out a gift for a person, you either haven't put enough thought into it, or you don't know the person as well as you might like. > "I love X author" This is fine as long as you realize they probably own all of author's works and maybe even pre-ordered the latest release. Find something unique (signed copy? firs…

Authors have rivals? What is an example of rival authors?

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#220

Post by [deleted] »

therealx wrote: post #185
WarOnPrivacy wrote: post #180

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Have you looked into the genetic squencing offered at education places/third party businesses? They are a little more expensive (starting at $500, I think.) For genealogical purposes? I haven't considered it. A bigger picture is I'm not sold on the usefulness of DNA testing in general. Comparison testing shows a lot inconsistency. Most of the lines are fairly well filled out anyway; the big exception is one great-g…

Oh, no, sorry, I'm only interested in testing for health reasons. It would indeed be fairly useless for genology except I guess to get a real picture of your overall heritage.

[deleted]
Post reply on HN