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How to buy gifts that people actually want

willpatrick.co.uk

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Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#191

Post by elijaht »

lastofthemojito wrote: post #67

Maybe I'm an oddball, but due to a couple of "experience" gifts gone awry, I 'm scared off of them. I got concert tickets for a birthday present, and the day before the concert, it was postponed due to the singer's illness, and eventually canceled. Another time I got tickets to a baseball game on what turned out to be a rainy night. So I got to fight the traffic, pay for parking, etc, to sit through a rain delay, and…

That seems awfully short sighted. Sure, I think it is really bad to give/get an experience that you don't want (if someone got me tickets to a concert of a band I dislike, I would feel frustrated/guilty). But it sounds like very reasonable gifts that just didn't pan out. Do you not go to baseball games now because of that experience?

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#192

Post by bovermyer »

"Avoid premature optimization" applies to gift-giving too.

There are many areas where you could optimize the gift-giving process. I imagine you could also turn it into a science, with carefully researched formulae and experiment-driven results.

This, to me, seems to miss the point a little bit. You're not supposed to give the perfect gift. You're not supposed to generate the optimal amount of joy in the recipient. You are supposed to form a connection with the recipient, and have that feeling reciprocated. That's the real test of a good gift.

It doesn't matter if they never use the gift after tomorrow. It doesn't matter if they have the same dollar valuation of the gift as the giver does. What matters is if they genuinely appreciate the gesture and, at least for the moment, enjoy the feeling the gift gives them.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#193

Post by Fogest »

cnasc wrote: post #127
_carbyau_ wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, I haven't implemented this though I know I should... but I came across this idea in Robert Heinleins Double Star as a reference to Farley Files. In essence, Farley was Roosevelts aid and kept files on everyone he met so before meeting them again Roosevelt could cram study and "recall everything about them" like they were a close personal friend. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Farley_file For some reason th…

A while back someone posted to HN a tool for creating things just like this. In some places it was derided as “single player Facebook” but I could see it being very helpful for a person who sticks with it

I'd be curious if anyone knows what this tool may be or if it still exists?

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#194

Post by m3at »

Good advices and a well written article.

To add one advice about a common occurrence the author mention:

> you might knock it out of the park one year and I might give you something that’s nowhere near as good. Next time, I'm going to want to do much better. This imbalance leads, in part, to the continuation of the tradition

When the cycle escalate I like to call that gift inflation. In case it's desirable to avoid it (it often is), simply agreeing to a spending limit helped me a lot. It might be awkward at first because we don't usually talk about the monetary value of gifts, but in my experience with siblings and significant other we're all better off.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#195

Post by wil5for »

joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

I was having this same problem, I always felt unprepared when it came time to give gifts (Holidays, Birthdays, etc). I ended up building a simple app for myself that let me take notes for my closest relationships throughout the year. Once it’s gift giving time I now have a list of ideas already built up.

I call it a PRM, essentially a personal CRM. I worry it sounds inauthentic to treat personal relationships like a CRM, but it’s really focused on my own internal reminders and preventing forgetfulness for people I care about.

If that resonates, the app link is here (basic, free, local data only): https://apps.apple.com/us/app/prim-relationship-manager/id14...

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#196

Post by tempestn »

throwaway2245 wrote: post #167
Sohcahtoa82 wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When possible, this is when gift cards are great. My niece is an aspiring artist, and rather than trying to find out what art supplies she wants/needs, I got her a gift card to the art supply store that I know she shops at. Of course, "when possible" is a key word here. Not every store sells gift cards, and sometimes the well-known stores aren't the best deals. Like, I might be interested in making fun electric gadge…

I know it's somewhat taboo to give cash, but surely cash is better than a gift card (with a note to spend it on their hobby, if you like)? If the gift card value is too low to get the treat that I wanted, then I feel obligated to spend more money than I would have; if the gift card value is too high, then I have to buy things I don't want. Or I wait until I actually need the gift card (as I suspect most people do), a…

The problem with that is, when someone receives cash, they will often feel the responsible thing to do is save it. Pay down their bills or add to their investments or whatever. Or even if they don't need the money, just adding it to the bank account and forgetting about it will often be the default action, even if some suggestion came with it. But then it's just a drop in the bucket, and they don't really get to experience the pleasure of a gift. The nice thing about a gift card is that they have to spend it, and so they can't feel guilty for doing so.

That said, some people might genuinely not want/need anything, and so might be happier with a token cash gift specifically because it doesn't create a responsibility to go buy something! I expect those people are in the minority though.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#197

Post by beamatronic »

zucked wrote: post #54
joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

I started this as a habit last year - it has totally changed my gift giving. I think the recipients value the gifts more because they're more thoughtful and it's made the weeks leading up to Christmas much more relaxed.

For even less stress, buy gifts throughout the year and hold onto them until Christmas.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#199

Post by cgriswald »

joshstrange wrote: post #21

Best gift advice I give regularly: Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to…

There's a lot to unpack here. I think a much better method is to recognize that if you have trouble figuring out a gift for a person, you either haven't put enough thought into it, or you don't know the person as well as you might like.

> "I love X author"

This is fine as long as you realize they probably own all of author's works and maybe even pre-ordered the latest release. Find something unique (signed copy? first print? copy signed by the author's rival? rare statuette of their favorite character?) and gift them that instead.

> "I'm getting into Y hobby"

This can be a minefield. If you personally know something about the hobby this can work. But if you find yourself saying "The minimum wage employee at Best Buy told me this widget was the best one", you're gifting an obligation to use what might be an inferior product or one that doesn't meet their needs or expectations. It might even be one they ruled out for themselves. Additionally, researching widgets might be one of the things they enjoy about their new hobby.

> "They have complained about a slow computer that you know you can upgrade the ram/ssd" and the list goes on.

This is the key refinement of your gift-tracking idea. You've leveraged what you know about the world and about the person to gift them something they want or need and may not even know is possible to get for themselves.

> I think back to a dog seat cover I got for a friend after hearing them talk about taking their dog hiking a lot.

I was on the receiving end of this exact gift and it is one of the gifts I appreciate the most to this day.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#200

Post by petsormeat »

robocat wrote: post #120
ebg13 wrote: post #32

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have this problem often. I want very few things, I can easily afford everything I want, and the things I might want fall into two categories: 1. I already know the most about the thing and have already found the one that either maximizes the utility/price relationship or maximizes utility below my price sensitivity threshold. 2. I don't know the most about the thing yet and have therefore not decided what I want. T…

> Buy them only weird sentimental things ... A small piece of artwork that comes with a note saying "This made me think of you" carries sentimental value It is incredibly hard to do this without giving someone a burden. The recipient often feels an obligation to keep obviously sentimental gifts, even if they hate them (that piece of art your dear aunt gave you). Or maybe worse when the receiver loves dust collectors,…

This.

As a minimalist related to borderline hoarders, I dread gift-giving occasions. When I give what I would want, it's considered stingy and sparse.

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