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How to buy gifts that people actually want

willpatrick.co.uk

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Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#161

Post by dheera »

Afton wrote: post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

On this note, don't buy things that are squarely in the recipient's domain of expertise unless they have stated exactly what they want.

I like photography and outdoors and I'm extremely picky about my gear in both, and definitely do NOT want others picking out gear for me that I will end up never using.

On the other hand, do buy things that are in your domain of expertise that the other person has shown interest in learning about.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#162

Post by dheera »

notatoad wrote: post #102
tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

just ask for socks. it's the socially acceptable way to opt out of the gift giving ritual. you need socks, you can safely assume nobody is going to blow too much money on socks, and whoever really wants to give you a gift gets to feel like they have given you something you wanted, and you don't have to get into the whole "no really, i don't want anything" debate. food is also a good option, but there's always the ris…

Oh please, no, never socks.

I own 100+ copies of exactly one type of sock so I never have to hunt for matching pairs, and when one sock goes bad, it doesn't automatically cause another paired sock to be wasted. I abolished sock pairing a long time ago in college.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#163

Post by enimodas »

jfengel wrote: post #40
tbirdz wrote: post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Ask for food. You always need food. They can make it themselves, such as a favorite recipe, which will make it special to them. Or they can buy something that they like and think that you might like, which conveys a connection between you. If it's good, you get a great memory. Even if it's not, it's soon gone, and not weighing down your life. There are some who have rigorous diets or otherwise don't want their routin…

One of my better gift requests was a bunch of exotic fruit. Only problem was that the gift givers didn't know where to find that. Still got to try some new tasty fruits.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#164

Post by willpatrick »

autarch wrote: post #137

I like charity gifts! For many years, I've made enough money that the the things I want are either easily affordable (rock climbing equipment, a gaming console, etc.) or completely unrealistic as gifts (two round trip first class tickets to Taiwan). And this is compounded by the fact that I'm the most expert person among my friends and family on most of my interests. So for many years I've asked people not to buy me…

Thanks for this comment Autarch. On reflection, I wrote that paragraph way too harsh. I've redrafted it now to reflect the reality of yours and other comments like it.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#165

Post by willpatrick »

codeulike wrote: post #48

Stopped reading at 'Nobody Actually Likes Charity Gifts' I understand the social bonds of gift giving but this whole Christmas thing is completely out of hand, so much pointless consumption. The idea of gift giving at christmas is like a good instinct that has been hideously amplified to 1000x what it should be and turned into a monster. I pretty much insist on people giving me charity gifts most years.

Thank you for this comment. have changed the tone of that paragraph which was way too harsh.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#166

Post by Xcelerate »

Has anyone considered/calculated how much environmental waste these unwanted gifts incur? I tell everyone I either want a nice meal together with them or to donate something in my name to charity. 99% of the time my wish is ignored and I get an ugly shirt or socks that don’t fit.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#167

Post by throwaway2245 »

Sohcahtoa82 wrote: post #75
Afton wrote: post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

When possible, this is when gift cards are great. My niece is an aspiring artist, and rather than trying to find out what art supplies she wants/needs, I got her a gift card to the art supply store that I know she shops at. Of course, "when possible" is a key word here. Not every store sells gift cards, and sometimes the well-known stores aren't the best deals. Like, I might be interested in making fun electric gadge…

I know it's somewhat taboo to give cash, but surely cash is better than a gift card (with a note to spend it on their hobby, if you like)?

If the gift card value is too low to get the treat that I wanted, then I feel obligated to spend more money than I would have; if the gift card value is too high, then I have to buy things I don't want. Or I wait until I actually need the gift card (as I suspect most people do), and risk the gift card expiring or being lost.

Cash creates none of these issues. I have always felt much more loved when I receive cash with a personal note, no matter how much cash it is.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#168

Post by autarch »

willpatrick wrote: post #164
autarch wrote: post #137

I like charity gifts! For many years, I've made enough money that the the things I want are either easily affordable (rock climbing equipment, a gaming console, etc.) or completely unrealistic as gifts (two round trip first class tickets to Taiwan). And this is compounded by the fact that I'm the most expert person among my friends and family on most of my interests. So for many years I've asked people not to buy me…

Thanks for this comment Autarch. On reflection, I wrote that paragraph way too harsh. I've redrafted it now to reflect the reality of yours and other comments like it.

The rewrite is much better. I agree that it's not something you can _assume_ the recipient will like. Even for me, I'd be fairly annoyed with a gift to a charity I don't think is very valuable (looking at you, Make a Wish).

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#169

Post by dheera »

nicbou wrote: post #80
Sohcahtoa82 wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When possible, this is when gift cards are great. My niece is an aspiring artist, and rather than trying to find out what art supplies she wants/needs, I got her a gift card to the art supply store that I know she shops at. Of course, "when possible" is a key word here. Not every store sells gift cards, and sometimes the well-known stores aren't the best deals. Like, I might be interested in making fun electric gadge…

Honestly I'm not a big fan of gift cards. The point of gift giving is to show you care, and gift cards feel like you're just trying to fulfil a social obligation without putting much thought into it. I'd rather use them as a last resort, for people I don't know so well.

I'm also not a huge fan of gift cards as logically, gift cards are cash with restrictions, which is worse than cash, and cash isn't a good gift, so by transitivity, gift cards aren't a good gift.

The only time I use gift cards are when it needs to be reimbursed as a business expense.

Personally as a gift receiver I much prefer receiving things that I couldn't have gotten myself, and preferably edible. Simple homemade desserts are great.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#170

Post by SergeAx »

The value of the gift is not its price or utility measure, but attention and respect from the giver. I know that when a person gives me a gift, he/she shows an interest in my joy and happiness. That's just enough. I may use the gift the way it intended to be used to do a gift giver nice in return, even if I really don't need it.

Like parents like their children's birthday cards or seashell figurines not for beauty or worth, but for an effort to make them happy. Being that parent for everybody who gives me gifts making my life better.

The same is with my gifts: I am choosing them according to my idea of the person's taste and what will make him/her happy.

There are universal gifts of flowers (not a lot of people hate the idea of having a bouquet in their room), good wine/champagne/spirit (except for non-drinkers), something tasty (and not very unhealthy). If there is a discrepancy - a reasonable person will always give a hint to avoid the same mistake in the future.

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