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How to buy gifts that people actually want

willpatrick.co.uk

21–30 of 285 posts

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#21
Best gift advice I give regularly:

Keep a note on your phone (doesn't matter the app Apple Notes, Google Keep, SimpleNote, Drafts, etc) with a header for each person you want to get a gift for. Throughout the year whenever you hear them say "I love X author" or "I'm getting into Y hobby" then add a little note under their name. These can be as simple as "Coconut La Croix is their favorite seltzer flavor and brand" to as complicated as "They have complained about a slow computer that you know you can upgrade the ram/ssd" and the list goes on. Then when it come time to decide on a gift you have reflect back on our list.

It's incredibly helpful for me and led to gifts that have been very appreciated and used over and over. I think back to a dog seat cover I got for a friend after hearing them talk about taking their dog hiking a lot. They called me about a month after they got the gift out of the blue and said something like "I've used this dog seat cover tons of times already and it makes taking the dog so much easier". That cover was less that $30 easy but it was more impactful than if I had spent $100 on them. That same person I got 3 months of BarkBox for them at one point and I heard about how much they enjoyed that for multiple months after the last box shipped and every time I went over they would talk about "Our dog loves this one toy that we go in the box".

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#22
post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

Ask for consumables

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#23
post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

My family have always been happy to make a donation on my behalf to the good cause of their choice, perhaps that might work for you?

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#24
post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

I spend all year not getting myself things so that I can let others get them for me for Christmas or my birthday. But this is exactly the point that the article seems to miss: there's basically no such thing as a good gift for a lot of people. The only things I want I either already have or are so high-price that I wouldn't want someone else to buy for me (and frankly I can do without those). No amount of advice can change that sorry fact for the would-be gift giver.

The exceptions are things I didn't know I wanted until I was given it, maybe I didn't know it existed. And some consumables, like nuts and chocolates.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#25
post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

I sympathize. I wish there wasn’t such a hardwired need to give. What I do to avoid getting any random crap gift is to always ask for either a bottle of wine or for a book they think I would like (I’ll usually request it not be another pop-psychology book). That way they can feel good while giving a gift and there is a decent chance I’ll enjoy the gift.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#26
post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

[deleted]

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#28
post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

Your post really struck a chord with me because I'm the type of person that likes to give books as a gift.

As the type of person that would totally give a book of 100 bread recipes to someone that I just know "bakes bread," I'm wondering if you think there are book gifts that someone could get you using that mindset and just a little more thinking about depth of domains.

One doesn't need to know anything about baking bread to know that a recipe compilation book is a beginner gift and not something you'd give to someone who has any sort of domain expertise. Similar to how I'm not giving any of my SE friends the Computer Science for Dummies book.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is... would a book about baking that isn't basic be a better gift? Even if it isn't particularly something you would have gotten yourself. Examples off the top of my head include a biography about a famous or obscure baker, an in depth book about the science behind baking, a hyper focused book about history of baking techniques, etc.

Maybe trying to gain some domain expertise in something your potential gift receiver is interested in - in order to give a better gift - is a gift in itself?

Here's a quick way you can get some functional domain expertise in knives to give a better gift to your knife friend (if you want). Depending on if they're into knives as collectibles or for use, I'd suggest finding out which brand(s) your friend favors and then picking up a used knife in a discontinued model from that brand on ebay. Worst case scenario they have it already but even then I bet they'd still value the gift.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#29
post #18

What do you do if you genuinely don't want anything? It seems like people don't believe you and keep harassing you asking for what you really want, and then get really frustrated when you keep saying "No, really I don't want anything ". Then they either respect your wishes and don't get anything, but seem to harbor some kind of resentment against you in their heart, or they get some random garbage you don't want and…

I myself am annoyed by receiving useless gifts just because it is an expected practice of the occasion, so I've developed a behavior where I generally don't ever give gifts out of expectation --birthdays, holidays, etc.-- and instead just give gifts when I think someone needs, really wants, or I think they would like something they aren't going to buy for themselves for one reason or another. Sometimes it's because they don't have the money, sometimes its because they know they lack the domain expertise to choose appropriately, and sometimes it's just because I think they'd enjoy whatever it is (usually books, movies, or meals).

People seem relieved that they don't have to buy me anything on "special occasions" and don't seem to mind that I don't buy them anything either. Although there probably was some resistance to that at first, I've been doing it for so long that I don't remember.

Re: How to buy gifts that people actually want

#30
post #4

Interesting that they didn't really touch on what I consider the hardest part of buying for someone: domain expertise. If I am known as 'into' something, then the likelihood that someone who isn't also into that same thing will come up with a good gift is shockingly low. I bake bread, for example. A book of 100 bread recipes is basically dead weight to me. I have a friend who is really into knives of various sorts. E…

Your post really struck a chord with me because I'm the type of person that likes to give books as a gift. As the type of person that would totally give a book of 100 bread recipes to someone that I just know "bakes bread," I'm wondering if you think there are book gifts that someone could get you using that mindset and just a little more thinking about depth of domains. One doesn't need to know anything about baking…

My intuition would be to not give a book on baking bread, but on something tangential to bread baking...

like a book on brewing or other kinds of fermentation!

Something that connects with their expertise but is new to both of you.

If somebody is into knives, maybe gift a course on blacksmithing or some japanese whetstones.

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