The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
1–10 of 84 posts
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#2Tarof in an intersection:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XAvzW1WZsN4
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#3What a wonderfully odd tradition. I wonder if there's a evolutionary psychology take on it. I bet it does some heavy lifting in the culture. Something about the tragedy of commons maybe.
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#4Tarof in an intersection: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XAvzW1WZsN4
[deleted]
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#5Persian here.
It's one of the most annoying and arguably toxic aspects of our culture. I understand it; I understand the perceived need for it, but I submit that it paradoxically does the exact opposite of what it intends to accomplish ("social equality") because it directly diminishes the value of whoever ultimately "loses" the exchange, oftentimes whoever perceives a greater debt to the other person, which is generally the person of lesser social rank.
"Taarof represents the kind essence of Iranian people. In our culture, it can be impolite to express ourselves in very a direct and objective way,” but it in fact demonstrates a kind of disrespect for both the other person's time and validity, and I'd argue that by enforcing systemic dishonesty, it's one of the main culprits of another far darker aspect of Persian culture:
Backbiting. https://iranian.com/1998/10/13/people-of-extremes/
---
Do not emulate this. Do not let this aspect of our culture become a part of yours. If you seek to be kind, do so by being kind, not by being nice.
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#6> In the world of taarof, politeness holds the place of honour. In its name, people refuse when they want to accept, say what is not meant, express what is not felt, invite when it is not intended, replace bad news with false hope. By doing so, they try to say what they “wished it were” – without ever admitting that it isn’t.
Maybe it’s my Americanism, but I’m absolutely happy this is not how it works here. “Yes is yes and no is no” works better for me.
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#7Tarof is so infuriating that, if you are a foreigner who wants to learn Persian, going to Tajikistan instead might be recommended: I don't know if the practice never quite existed there in such an extreme form, or the Soviets stamped it out, but communicating with Tajiks is always so much more straightforward than with Iranians.
What always apalls me is foreigners traveling in Iran who rave about how hospitable the local people are, without bothering to learn about tarof. It is likely that the vast majority of invitations to people's homes were not sincere, and by taking locals up on their not-actually-intended offers, those foreign travelers are probably causing great inconvenience (which their hosts will however do their best to mask).
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#8> In the world of taarof, politeness holds the place of honour. In its name, people refuse when they want to accept, say what is not meant, express what is not felt, invite when it is not intended, replace bad news with false hope. By doing so, they try to say what they “wished it were” – without ever admitting that it isn’t. Maybe it’s my Americanism, but I’m absolutely happy this is not how it works here. “Yes is y…
[deleted]
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#9> In the world of taarof, politeness holds the place of honour. In its name, people refuse when they want to accept, say what is not meant, express what is not felt, invite when it is not intended, replace bad news with false hope. By doing so, they try to say what they “wished it were” – without ever admitting that it isn’t. Maybe it’s my Americanism, but I’m absolutely happy this is not how it works here. “Yes is y…
Analogous things exist in the USA. When Southerners tell someone passing through "Y'all come see us sometime", that doesn't literally mean one is welcome to drop by -- it may well be that they don't even care to see the person ever again. The phrase is often used purely out of politeness.
Re: The Persian Art of Etiquette (2016)
#10> In the world of taarof, politeness holds the place of honour. In its name, people refuse when they want to accept, say what is not meant, express what is not felt, invite when it is not intended, replace bad news with false hope. By doing so, they try to say what they “wished it were” – without ever admitting that it isn’t. Maybe it’s my Americanism, but I’m absolutely happy this is not how it works here. “Yes is y…
Analogous things exist in the USA. When Southerners tell someone passing through "Y'all come see us sometime", that doesn't literally mean one is welcome to drop by -- it may well be that they don't even care to see the person ever again. The phrase is often used purely out of politeness.
By contrast, I’ve meet many southerners for who the hospitality is genuine.
Cultures that both value and extend hospitality are the best. Shows a value of humanity above all the other hubbub.