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My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

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Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#391

Post by 0xdky »

0xdky wrote: post #115

It is my store too as a parent of a single child losing creativity to instant pleasures and doom scrolling on an iPhone. To add salt to injury, the dance team at school she is part of encourages them to post on Facebook and Instagram. They have study groups on Facebook, Discord, Slack and even Instagram. When I demand they use simple old style text messaging, she has friends with fancy phones but no SIM card and depe…

Wish folks down voting would provide the reason. As a parent, I would love to learn if I am not solving the real problem.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#392

Post by kemayo »

ianmobbs wrote: post #282
kemayo wrote: post #53

> Somewhere along the way, I realize that apps like TikTok and Instagram are impervious to Apple’s Screen Time limit. They work even when the rest of her phone shuts down. To keep the peace, I let it slide. The author is completely wrong about this, so I can only assume that their kid is indeed being creative and has manipulated them into believing it. Overall... this does seem like an "onset of adolescence" thing. 2…

I actually noticed this the other day. I set a 10 minute time limit on Instagram, and while I'll get the "5 minutes left" reminder, it won't kick me out of the app the way it does for other apps. Running iOS 14.2.

Also 14.2, I went and checked this on my own phone. It both gave me the 5 minute warning, and then locked the app when the limit expired.

Could be a bug somewhere that I'm not being hit by, of course.

Also, could be the article writer using parent-controlled screen time limits and having accidentally(?) unchecked the "block at limit" option in the rule, which would let the phone-user hit the "ignore limit" button for it.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#393

Post by cbozeman »

dgentile wrote: post #111
sequoia wrote: post #87

Buried lede: > My daughter doesn’t return home from school until 6:30 pm and still has to eat, bathe, and get ready for bed. Perhaps it is not just the iPhone, but school taking up 100% of her time, energy, and attention that is preventing her from pursuing creative interests? As a homeschooling parent whose kids have been in school at times, I see this first hand. School is exhausting . Between rising unnaturally ea…

This exactly. That she's returning home from school at 6:30! The author didn't give their daughter's age, but we can assume it's right before 14, so maybe 12-13. I'm in high school, and I take a couple HL IB classes, school always gets out for me at 3, and then I do cross country until 5. That is already a long day. Then I go home, eat, do homework, and depending on the workload it could be anywhere between 8:00-12:0…

> Pre-covid we would gather and talk after school, during lunch, in class. If I went with my friends to lunch it is acceptable to check your phone but we would never find it acceptable to be on your phone the whole time.

I'm 40.

This gives me hope for our species. I lost a very good, old friend several years ago because he was constantly on his phone. Several of us were home for Thanksgiving, which is a real rarity since we live all over the United States. We were all out to dinner and he just could not get off the phone, when I finally said, "Do you think its socially unacceptable to constantly be on your phone when we're all here together??"

He got extremely defensive, and very nasty. We haven't spoken since.

I can't tell you how great it is for me to see younger people realize how important it is to be in-the-moment with the people around you.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#394

Post by cbozeman »

conceptualspace wrote: post #360
sequoia wrote: post #87

Buried lede: > My daughter doesn’t return home from school until 6:30 pm and still has to eat, bathe, and get ready for bed. Perhaps it is not just the iPhone, but school taking up 100% of her time, energy, and attention that is preventing her from pursuing creative interests? As a homeschooling parent whose kids have been in school at times, I see this first hand. School is exhausting . Between rising unnaturally ea…

that's always irked me about one of the common arguments against permanent DST -- "without DST kids would be going to school in the dark" (instead of coming home in the dark). i mean obviously the clock is the problem

I too struggle to understand this kind of thinking. Our society says bullshit like, "Kids are our greatest resource!" but we know that's pure horseshit because if it was true, we'd rearrange our lives and society around them. We don't.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#395

Post by cbozeman »

betwixthewires wrote: post #354
sequoia wrote: post #87

Buried lede: > My daughter doesn’t return home from school until 6:30 pm and still has to eat, bathe, and get ready for bed. Perhaps it is not just the iPhone, but school taking up 100% of her time, energy, and attention that is preventing her from pursuing creative interests? As a homeschooling parent whose kids have been in school at times, I see this first hand. School is exhausting . Between rising unnaturally ea…

I've thought about schooling quite a lot, and I've come to the conclusion that a kid maybe needs 5 years of full time schooling to become proficient in reading, mathematics, civics and their government structure, and a high school level understanding of sciences. The rest of it is just government funded daycare. And that's what school is supposed to be for, right? To make a literate population capable of measuring an…

It takes 13 years because people who make a lot of money don't want to bankroll the daycare of other people's children.

Your society might work in the 23rd century with Jean-Luc Picard. It doesn't work in the 21st century with Tim Cook and the quarterly report.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#396

Post by selimthegrim »

ElijahLynn wrote: post #254

This is the reason we send our children to a Waldorf school. Most of the parents don't buy their kids phones or let them have unfettered, unsupervised access to the internet and devices. This means our kids are not desperate to fit in with the other kids. Our kids are very creative as a result and are constantly doing things and playing and have good social skills.

My ex gf went to a Waldorf school. She proceeded to CU Boulder and promptly failed out of pre engineering classes because she didn't know how to use a computer.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#397

Post by Zenbit_UX »

dragonwriter wrote: post #336
rabidrat wrote: post #327

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How is it so obviously not heroin? I, a fully-formed and functioning adult, feel the pull in my brain. I was addicted to cigarettes in my 20s and I've had unhealthy relationships with numerous other drugs and video games that I've (mostly) managed to pull myself away from, after years. The feeling of "checking your notifications" and "scrolling through twitter" on your phone are remarkably similar to the compulsion f…

> How is it so obviously not heroin Its quite obviously literally not-heroin. If you want to make an argument that it should be treated like heroin because it is in some relevant sense more like heroin or other things that it is broadly accepted should be treated like heroin than it is like other things that it is broadly accepted should not be treated like heroin then...some evidence besides simply stating your beli…

Sufficient evidence was presented for the metaphor, it seems apt and you seem to be overly obtuse. You seem unwilling to look beyond the obvious "its quite obviously literally not heroin". My god you sound insufferable.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#398

Post by devenblake »

JoeCianflone wrote: post #166
_lffv wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had parents sort of like you when I was younger, which is why I attempted suicide at 14. Strict parenting puts weights on your kids' backs. Eventually they'll snap in half.

1 I’m sorry about your attempted suicide and I hope you’re ok now. 2 We are not that strict, my kids have limits but they are known and they know what happens if they break the rules. But you are right there is a balance and this parent seems to not be balanced at all and they’re blaming the phone. She said her daughter wore her down and she caved and allowed her TikTok—I’m sorry but as a parent that is on her. Limit…

Yes, but if you read the article you can see that much of the phone's interruption in their lives is their kid making videos. That kid is creating content. Children under the age of 13 certainly shouldn't be on TikTok but that's not the parent's fault, that's the platform's.

Preventing your children from accessing social media is taking away their support network. If you're as strict as you say - and refusing to let your son take his phone out of the house is strict - he's certainly not going to trust you because _you don't trust him_. Your job as a parent is to let your kids grow, not to put these kids of boundaries on them. Let them look up to you for advice, not look to you every five minutes to see if what they're doing is allowed. If you were parenting well you wouldn't need to put more than a couple rules on your kids because they'd be good people anyway. They won't have those kids of rules on them as adults.

There are two people I know in real life with parents more strict than mine (and my parents aren't as strict as you); one of them has grown to develop anger issues and the other has such little life experience that it's sometimes hard to talk to them ("what's X?", "what's Y?").

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#399

Post by user2834 »

freehunter wrote: post #318
xg15 wrote: post #242

This thread exercising various mental gymnastics to find other causes for her behavior honestly reminds me of a bunch of climate change deniers arguing why human activity has nothing to do with atmospheric heating. Being cautious with assuming causations is usually a good idea - but it falls flat when we know the causal chains that are at work. In the case of climate change, we know for a fact that humanity is releas…

This comment exercising various mental gymnastics to find nefarious causes for a teenager's changing personality... Every generation of parents thinks their kid is the smartest and then they become teenagers and suddenly they're moody and want to do things that their parents don't approve of. That's the basic fact underlying this. Any argument you make about kids changing when they become teenagers needs to have this…

Are fruits and vegetables designed to be addictive? Are hobbies like playing the piano or running designed to be addictive? I think you're too expansive in your use of "everything".

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#400

Post by JoeAltmaier »

p1necone wrote: post #332
rabidrat wrote: post #327

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How is it so obviously not heroin? I, a fully-formed and functioning adult, feel the pull in my brain. I was addicted to cigarettes in my 20s and I've had unhealthy relationships with numerous other drugs and video games that I've (mostly) managed to pull myself away from, after years. The feeling of "checking your notifications" and "scrolling through twitter" on your phone are remarkably similar to the compulsion f…

When I was a kid the compulsion to put plastic zoo animals in little enclosures, and build all 151 pokemon out of lego was remarkably similar to the compulsion for drugs. I don't think there's anything inherently bad about this.

Feeding it could be harmful? We don't have to make the object of obsession instantly accessible and available 24-7.
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