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My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

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Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#371

Post by jokethrowaway »

alanbernstein wrote: post #326
georgeecollins wrote: post #310

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This resonates with me because when I was a kid I really enjoyed video games and I would program them into my cheap, rudimentary computer. I even sold some games I made on cassette tapes. My parents were really distressed that I was wasting my time. But-- surprise-- I had/ have a long and successful career making video games. Now I am a parent and I tend to let my kids play a lot of game on their computer. But it is…

> I tell them it is important to create media as well as consume media. I agree with you, this is something that I seem to believe deeply. But why is it important? Do they ask you that? What do you/would you tell them?

To create value for society and humanity. To live a free life thanks to the value you created.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#372

Post by 35fbe7d3d5b9 »

marceldegraaf wrote: post #338
retube wrote: post #319

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hi - how did you lock down your kids iPhone? Am more of an android man but will be getting a refurbed iPhone 7 for my daughter (apparently they are "better" than Samsung)

Not OP, but I do this too. You can configure Screen Time on an iPhone. There you can limit the total time the device can be used each day. It's also possible to limit usage to certain apps, or block access to certain categories of apps, and allowing only certain people (e.g. family members) to be contacted or messaged. If your child has their own Apple ID, Screen Time works across any other Apple devices linked to th…

Exactly this. It's extremely effective, as Apple gives you a ton of constraints you can set:

https://support.apple.com/en-us/HT201304

In my case, we've turned off all web access, have certain educational games available for a limited amount of time, and only allow outbound texts to grandma.

It's extremely robust – most of the hacks I've read about (or heard from parents with older children!) involve trying to record the screen while you type in the unlock code to change a restriction. Physical attacks are also popular: shoulder surfing is a given, but one coworker said their kid put a tiny layer of hand lotion over the screen to capture where they touched and then attack the code. Clever.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#373

Post by shoulderfake »

sequoia wrote: post #87

Buried lede: > My daughter doesn’t return home from school until 6:30 pm and still has to eat, bathe, and get ready for bed. Perhaps it is not just the iPhone, but school taking up 100% of her time, energy, and attention that is preventing her from pursuing creative interests? As a homeschooling parent whose kids have been in school at times, I see this first hand. School is exhausting . Between rising unnaturally ea…

Its all set up for the capitalist lifestyle. I grew up in Bosnia. They still have 2 shifts for school there, 7:30-12 and 12:30-5.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#374

Post by jokethrowaway »

ur-whale wrote: post #295
adrianb wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly, so much of this sounded familiar to me ... but from my own teenage years. My parents were appalled at the amount of time I was spending at a MS-DOS PC (not only playing games but also learning programming). So I'd say that no, it's not that phones are like crack. There seems to be a disconnect on the parent's expectations when children discover the possibilities of a technology that's unfamiliar to them. In…

Now is really not like back then. I was like you, spending inordinate amounts of time with computers during my teenage years. But back then, I was learning useful skills from it. The computer I owned had almost no games for it. All you could do was program it in either basic or assembly. Move forward 15 years, my kid who owned a PC from around age 10 was never interested in using it as anything but an entertainment p…

I spent from age 7 to 12, treating computers as entertainment device and then started programming.

My dad never really pushed for me to do it, it was out of necessity. My mom actively fought it. Somehow it stuck with me and I realised the potential to automate my entire life and, later, that I could use it to make money, even if I was underage.

For my own kids, I'm planning to put them in a situation where they will need to learn how to create and be independent, without pushing them in that direction, or helping them out.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#375

Post by ficklepickle »

A take exception to the repeated use of the pejorative term "junkie". Apparently people suffering from addiction is the last group we are allowed to be prejudiced against.

Spoiler alert, the phone didn't break your daughter. You and society did.

The major issue this brings to light is the complete ignorance around addiction. It is not caused by the substance or the activity, but rather other underlying issues (trauma, unmet needs). This mom sounds overbearing. This poor kid has probably been on the Ivy League track since preschool. School until 6:30PM, I can't imagine what is wrong.

Addiction problem? Find the needs that aren't being met. We have such a lack of knowledge about mental health, as a society, that most people don't even know where to start.

The end of the article brings no reprieve. The mom basically throws her hands in the air and we can only assume that she will double-down on her overbearing, unhelpful approach.

You can ban phones and vaping, but it won't do anything to address the underlying issues. Until we learn to proactively address mental health, it will only get worse. This article gives me zero hope.

Although it may not sound like it, I have a ton of compassion for the mom and the daughter. I used to have severe addiction issues, I was a real mess. I had to figure this stuff out by evaluating available information and (dis)proving it to my satisfaction through trial and error. With a lot of support, I managed to unfuck myself. I think I'm just frustrated with society in general. So many issues, so many simple ways to make headway on them, so little action or even understanding of the problem space. I can tell you one thing for sure, this lone autist is not going to save the world.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#377

Post by ummonk »

ur-whale wrote: post #295
adrianb wrote: post #280

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Honestly, so much of this sounded familiar to me ... but from my own teenage years. My parents were appalled at the amount of time I was spending at a MS-DOS PC (not only playing games but also learning programming). So I'd say that no, it's not that phones are like crack. There seems to be a disconnect on the parent's expectations when children discover the possibilities of a technology that's unfamiliar to them. In…

Now is really not like back then. I was like you, spending inordinate amounts of time with computers during my teenage years. But back then, I was learning useful skills from it. The computer I owned had almost no games for it. All you could do was program it in either basic or assembly. Move forward 15 years, my kid who owned a PC from around age 10 was never interested in using it as anything but an entertainment p…

Arguably they're learning the most useful skill in the modern attention economy: online marketing.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#378

Post by ummonk »

georgeecollins wrote: post #310
ur-whale wrote: post #295

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Now is really not like back then. I was like you, spending inordinate amounts of time with computers during my teenage years. But back then, I was learning useful skills from it. The computer I owned had almost no games for it. All you could do was program it in either basic or assembly. Move forward 15 years, my kid who owned a PC from around age 10 was never interested in using it as anything but an entertainment p…

This resonates with me because when I was a kid I really enjoyed video games and I would program them into my cheap, rudimentary computer. I even sold some games I made on cassette tapes. My parents were really distressed that I was wasting my time. But-- surprise-- I had/ have a long and successful career making video games. Now I am a parent and I tend to let my kids play a lot of game on their computer. But it is…

TikTok is all about creating media as well as consuming media though.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#379

Post by ummonk »

irrational wrote: post #347
lqet wrote: post #239

> I realize with horror that she’s spent nine hours on the phone that day. She was only awake at 11. > My daughter doesn’t make collages or jewelry or sew anymore. A child who used to read in the bath won’t pick up a book unless threatened with the loss of her phone. > Getting her to make a card for a family member — something she once did for fun — is like getting her to clean her room > Yet still, each day is a bat…

Maybe. My teenage years were spent reading and being creative. I spent more time creating artwork during those years than in all the subsequent decades put together. But if I had had a smartphone back then? I doubt I would have read a single book or created any artwork. Would that made me a better or worse person than I am now? Well, that's impossible to say. I don't regret how I spent my teenage years. Will those wh…

Instagram photos and TikTok videos are certainly artwork though.

Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone

#380

Post by darkerside »

munificent wrote: post #367
darkerside wrote: post #359

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The best formula I have observed is that obedient, self disciplined children tend to have obedient, self disciplined parents. I agree and hope people don't take this in a defeatist way. I've found that the biggest impact you can have on anyone's behavior (adult or child) is to set the example. Kids can smell hypocrisy a mile away, and besides, they only know how to act the way the see. Work on yourself, and your ki…

> I've found that the biggest impact you can have on anyone's behavior (adult or child) is to set the example. I agree in principle, but I find that that doesn't map very well to the digital world. This past Saturday, I spent about six hours staring at a screen. My kids did too. I was making music, an act I find creative, meaningful, and intellectually stimulating. They were mostly watching YouTube videos of people p…

Learning to play Minecraft seems like a meaningful activity. It's essentially digital Legos, not to different perhaps from the way you compose music on your digital canvas.

Is there something else you would rather your kids be doing?

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