In our family I use the Gryphon router/app combo and Apple Screentime to monitor and enforce limits and Rooster Money to create incentives for kids to do chores and make good choices. Twenty years from now, this could make a big difference as to whether my kids are disciplined, independent, employable adults, or screen junkies. As a society, I believe screen addiction is creating a reversion to the mean scenario where mean focus and productivity is decreasing over time as companies continue to optimize how they manipulate people for profit. This is another case of socialize the costs, privatize the profits.
My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
261–270 of 467 posts
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#262Earlier quoted context omitted.
"Bad parent" can be applied to anything that goes wrong, and is an empty assertion. And it seems to be asymmetrically applied to mothers, not fathers. Also, one of the first rules of parenting is, never show any sign of weakness in public, or you will be attacked ruthlessly. It's a variant on the old saying, "Never let them see you sweat." This bias in the literature makes it look like there are some brilliant parent…
> Also, one of the first rules of parenting is, never show any sign of weakness in public, or you will be attacked ruthlessly. It's a variant on the old saying, "Never let them see you sweat." I agree with everything you say except for this. We have friends (2 kids now) where mom is like that. On first glance all is perfect, she is perfect mom that manages to do so many things, all is great etc. Apart from actual rea…
Ah, but do you have kids? Because whooboy, lemme tell ya... Speaking as a parent, I can honestly say there is nobody more judgemental than other parents. I can't tell you how many times I've heard parents criticize other people's parenting.
Parenting is a thankless job is fraught with insecurity and doubt, and every parent thinks they are not doing good enough, and constantly comparing themselves to other parents. Seeing a parent who shows weakness, who is not doing a good job, is a vindication for parents. "Hey, look, I'm not as bad as HIM/HER". You don't want other parents to think that about you, so you make sure you never EVER allow parents to see you make a mistake because you know the first thing that will happen is they will go home and talk about it with their parent/parent/friend/whoever.
Parenting is just like any other job. You can be an employee, but if people think you're a screw up don't expect to be invited to any social functions. Except in this case it's not just you who is getting excluded... It's your child and the rest of your family.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#263A lot of the comments here seem to be saying that (1) kids getting addicted to phones is no different than getting addicted to TV, books, etc, and that this is just the latest iteration of a complaint parents have had for generations and (2) this person is a bad parent. I used to agree with (1), but lately I'm inclined to think that this time, it really is different. Very different. And the primary reason is that unl…
I agree with you - when a book is down, a TV is off or a console is off, it doesn't ping you and light up to gain your attention. Sure, as kids we watched a lot of TV, but when it was time to turn it off we didn't get a sound to tell us someone "Liked" your photo. As you said, these aren't bi-directional.
I think the hardest thing for this parent was balancing what was right for their child (and they seemed to be confident in their opinion) and what would hold them back socially at school. It's hard to say no to a child that says "Everyone else has an iPhone" because we all remember being that kid left out from something when we were young.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#264Earlier quoted context omitted.
Or the poorest. Especially if you cannot find a job that pays more than daytime child care costs. Then it’s cheaper to have a parent stay at home, despite the poverty level, because any daycare available costs more than any available job brings in.
That's true for young kids, but not preteens. By that age they're old enough to stay home alone for a couple of hours after school. Hence the term 'latchkey kid'.
It isn't always a choice: Most child care places simply do not take pre-teens - they stop after elementary school, as do many after-school programs.
I'll also add that it isn't just a couple hours after school: It is holidays that parents don't get off work. It is summers without school. It is 6-8 hours after school while parents work second shift. It, in general, doesn't matter if your child is mature enough to stay home during the summer or late into the evening, the child care isn't for them.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#265This thread exercising various mental gymnastics to find other causes for her behavior honestly reminds me of a bunch of climate change deniers arguing why human activity has nothing to do with atmospheric heating. Being cautious with assuming causations is usually a good idea - but it falls flat when we know the causal chains that are at work. In the case of climate change, we know for a fact that humanity is releas…
100%.
“It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends on his not understanding it.”
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#266My dad smashed my computer around the laundry (where the computer lived) with my cricket bat because I was "playing games" instead of studying. "playing games" was using assembly language and pascal with s3m libraries to program a game. With my kids I've felt the rise of anger when they want to be autonomous and pursue their own interests. I mean, I was taught that parenthood is subjugation. But just like my dad coul…
>"playing games" was using assembly language and pascal with s3m libraries to program a game. None of which is possible on iPhones and iPads these kids are growing up with. Even if they did escape the attention algorithm long enough to get bored and explore there is nothing to discover it's a locked black box.
That's a flat out lie if I ever saw one.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#267Buried lede: > My daughter doesn’t return home from school until 6:30 pm and still has to eat, bathe, and get ready for bed. Perhaps it is not just the iPhone, but school taking up 100% of her time, energy, and attention that is preventing her from pursuing creative interests? As a homeschooling parent whose kids have been in school at times, I see this first hand. School is exhausting . Between rising unnaturally ea…
This exactly. That she's returning home from school at 6:30! The author didn't give their daughter's age, but we can assume it's right before 14, so maybe 12-13. I'm in high school, and I take a couple HL IB classes, school always gets out for me at 3, and then I do cross country until 5. That is already a long day. Then I go home, eat, do homework, and depending on the workload it could be anywhere between 8:00-12:0…
Don't see IB mentioned often here! As an IB survivor, happy to help with CS or Physics if you run into any trouble.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#268This thread exercising various mental gymnastics to find other causes for her behavior honestly reminds me of a bunch of climate change deniers arguing why human activity has nothing to do with atmospheric heating. Being cautious with assuming causations is usually a good idea - but it falls flat when we know the causal chains that are at work. In the case of climate change, we know for a fact that humanity is releas…
> honestly reminds me of a bunch of climate change deniers
What does this have to do with climate change? Ever consider getting help for your climate change addiction? "My daugher was a creative genuis, and then we introduced her to climate change." Apparently for some people, climate change isn't a science, it's a religion.
> So you have someone showing signs of addiction after using a device that was specifically designed to be addictive. Occam's razor really doesn't give a lot of room for alternative hypotheses here.
Could be that. Or maybe it's something else..."My husband and I said she could have a phone when she turned 14..."
It could be that the mother controlled her daughter's life and once she's hit puberty, she got a little bit rebellious. She wasn't so interesting in sewing as when she was 8 and needed her mother's approval. But now her priorities is friends, boys, etc?
It's a tale as old as time. Every child is a genius, angel, perfect until they hit puberty. Then we find "rock 'n roll", "rap music", "radio", "MTV", "television" or other culprits for corrupting our youth. Today it is social media. Tomorrow it will be VR. God knows what comes after that.
Maybe it's climate change. That's what causing these teenagers to become moody and rebellious.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#269Same experience.
Got a teenage girl an iPhone.
She became a horrible person. She lost it for a month. Became the Sweetest happiest person ever. Gave it back. Exact same mood shift.
Repeat for years. It caused her such horrific depression. Mostly from social media drama. As an adult she’s finally realizing how her mood shifts because of it.
Younger kids can get iPhones when they move out.
They are quite happy in life, although Dad is very unfair about phones.
Re: My daughter was a creative genius, and then we bought her an iPhone
#270This is incredibly dramatic. Buy her some drawing and art apps. Lean into the TikTok thing and find her a local dance or drama troupe. This is what we did with my younger sister, who is the same age. Instead of painting on a canvas, she paints digitally. Instead of bemoaning her TikToks, we've taken her to singing and dancing competitions, which she's won. Or, perhaps, accept that during a pandemic, when your child's…
It's bigger than supporting her hobby. She's addicted to the phone, it's very clear, it drives her every action during the day. If her addiction was painting, and she had meltdowns from not finding her brush, or fighting with mom because she can't stay up late, her mom might have the same reaction.
The author obviously wanted to allow for a balance but it quickly grew out of control to the point where the only thing that mattered was her phone. That's not healthy, and that's not failing to support her hobby.