Earlier quoted context omitted.
As a manager, you can probably get away with this. As an IC, people rarely read my emails if it doesn't fit in their screen (so 3 paragraphs is the max). The only thing I've found that works is to send details, and then probe the recipient on each important item in there to make sure they understood what I wrote. If I'm too detailed, they will get lost. If I'm very concise (but still complete ), they'll misinterpret.…
Have you tried putting each important sentence on it's own paragraph? Just the important ones. That makes a difference in focus/readability. Try it.
When you're remote you miss a lot of context. Overcommunicating in writing helps address that. Eliminating information or not expecting people to fully read and engage with what they read is going in the wrong direction of the fundamental problem.