The biology of dads • Hacker News Board

Re: The biology of dads

#231

Post by jelliclesfarm » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 1:23 AM UTC

mcv wrote: post #222

lqet wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "go to battle" I remember that in the first days after my kid was born, the thought that I would defend that child to the bitter end against any attacker suddenly seemed completely natural, even trivial. It was quite strange and included a sudden extreme awareness of (and aggressive feelings against) animals which came to close. This included dogs. The feelings were overwhelmingly archaic. I talked to my wife about…

This protection instinct can be utterly irrational: when my first son was just born, we were walking on a sidewalk and a car passed by, and I felt a slight urge to throw myself in front of that car to protect my family. Of course I didn't, but I did know right then that I would be able to fight and give my life for my family, if necessary. I try not to, but I know it's in there.

you can made a copy of your code and put it inside a tiny human body. of course, you will defend it with your life! it is what will carry you..or rather a tiny sliver of you into immortality. it's precious because you will die one day but part of your code won't....your child will continue on and hopefully will reproduce to take forward a part of you and so on. we are all meat sacs carrying the code of life.

Re: The biology of dads

#232

Post by jelliclesfarm » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 1:38 AM UTC

ksdale wrote: post #58

"They seemed like ideal infant-caregivers: calm, gentle, patient and sensitive. They didn’t seem like men you would go to battle with. In fact, they were the very antithesis of the warriors and athletes – think Maximus, Achilles or Michael Jordan – often associated with a masculine ideal." I became a father quite a bit before most of my friends, and so was the butt of some jokes about masculinity for the way I parent…

and then...otoh...there was Sparta.

Re: The biology of dads

#233

Post by jelliclesfarm » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 1:45 AM UTC

blobbers wrote: post #177

tmnstr85 wrote: post #160

I've had the privilege of this experience twice, both girls. I'm 35 The first one, picture perfect. I could feel my body "go to battle" there was this sense of pride and drive. I felt like I was fulfilling a part of my life that was absolutely necessary. The second one, we failed. Pre-mature by 3 weeks. Bacterial meningitis within 4 days of her being home. She's here with us now but she suffers from global sensory de…

I just wanted to say something supportive. You didn't fail; a bacteria affected the situation more than modern medicine was capable of handling. I hope you're not blaming yourself.

i just want to say that i second this. take care.

Re: The biology of dads

#234

Post by jelliclesfarm » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 1:56 AM UTC

mattgreenrocks wrote: post #44

bluedays wrote: post #20

>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomeno…

Same experience. I wrote it off as a big change and sleep deprivation, but there were some days that the cries of my son seemed very difficult to deal with. I hadn't had much experience with newborns/babies prior. It could also be generalized anxiety. Mine would take uniquely weird forms, including awakening from a dead sleep convinced my son was buried/lost somewhere in the house. I'm convinced that the biological i…

in my culture, during the last few months of pregnancy, the mother to be goes off to her mom's house. all new borns come home to a gaggle of grandmothers and aunts. and cousins. mom will not be sleep deprived. this is the village. as i got older, i had my share of baby cousins to tend and this gives mom time to recover. sleep is a major healing factor.

babies are a group effort. women need their tribe. its an old fashioned way of thinking, but i am only speaking from my lived experiences. YMMV etc. this was also a way for young girls to become familiar with babies and understand pregnancy. once you have seen a live birth and distended nipples and the bloody river of afterbirth, women have a very realistic notion of what childbirth means...its like acclimitizing before entering the death zone while climbing mt.everest. parenthood requires proper introduction before one can jump into it. exposure to other parents..usually family is better for women because one way or another, we are all going to end up with the same blooms and warts as our grandmothers anyways. might as well understand the terrain before entering it. #female perspective.

as far as men are concerned..all i can say is make sure you have a way to earn and support your child. because babies are expensive. how do you prove that you are worthy of being a father? by being a provider, of course. one can always hire a night nanny. but you still need the means to support a child.

Re: The biology of dads

#235

Post by lunatuna » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 1:57 AM UTC

ksdale wrote: post #58

"They seemed like ideal infant-caregivers: calm, gentle, patient and sensitive. They didn’t seem like men you would go to battle with. In fact, they were the very antithesis of the warriors and athletes – think Maximus, Achilles or Michael Jordan – often associated with a masculine ideal." I became a father quite a bit before most of my friends, and so was the butt of some jokes about masculinity for the way I parent…

Something similar, but a bit different has happened a few times to me where I've had to show a lot more restraint than I would have previous. With my daughter or without, I now have a responsibility to stay out of trouble. I can't just run in mouth and fist first into any situation.

I've described it as emasculating in the past, but this thread has changed my mind to think about it as more being in control and ready - a man with a purpose.

Thanks all for discussing.

Re: The biology of dads

#236

Post by User23 » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 2:01 AM UTC

rayiner wrote: post #162

ksdale wrote: post #58

"They seemed like ideal infant-caregivers: calm, gentle, patient and sensitive. They didn’t seem like men you would go to battle with. In fact, they were the very antithesis of the warriors and athletes – think Maximus, Achilles or Michael Jordan – often associated with a masculine ideal." I became a father quite a bit before most of my friends, and so was the butt of some jokes about masculinity for the way I parent…

It’s kind of a weird ret-conning of “of the masculine ideal.” When NASA picked astronauts to be the public face of the technological race against communism, they picked men with families: https://nasa.fandom.com/wiki/Mercury_Seven > From the 18, the first seven NASA astronauts were chosen,[8] each a "superb physical specimen" with an IQ above 130, and the ability to function well both as part of a team and solo.[6] G…

It's self-evident that this must be so. As an evolutionary strategy it's essential to produce a family before engaging in high risk activity like war or space exploration that has a good chance of getting you dead. In the past for many if not all human cultures, most marriageable men that weren't set to inherit had to spend some time doing dangerous things before they had the social standing to marry.

Re: The biology of dads

#237

Post by darkerside » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 2:05 AM UTC

hi41 wrote: post #79

When we has our first child, it came as a total shock as to the amount of work that was needed. I was completely unprepared for it. Added to my wife’s work schedule and mine, I was stuck between changing diapers and kitchen. I absolutely HATED fatherhood. Did anyone have the same experience and how did you overcome the frustration to become a good father.

How old is your child?

Re: The biology of dads

#238

Post by aantix » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 2:30 AM UTC

kilroy123 wrote: post #176

aantix wrote: post #141

Earlier quoted context omitted.

* A dose of magnesium l-threonate in the morning and before bed * A dose of magnesium glycinate in the morning and before bed * A dose of black seed oil in the morning and at night If you did a hair mineral analysis test, I assure you, you would most likely be magnesium deficient. The body needs magnesium in order to deal with stress. Anxiety is stress. The deficiency wreaks havoc on the nervous system. Take a HMAT f…

+1 about magnesium and nutrition. I saw a huge improvement once I started getting enough. Also don't forget about getting enough sleep every night.

Check out @Grimhood on Twitter.

Re: The biology of dads

#239

Post by BurningFrog » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 2:32 AM UTC

elteto wrote: post #164

lqet wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> "go to battle" I remember that in the first days after my kid was born, the thought that I would defend that child to the bitter end against any attacker suddenly seemed completely natural, even trivial. It was quite strange and included a sudden extreme awareness of (and aggressive feelings against) animals which came to close. This included dogs. The feelings were overwhelmingly archaic. I talked to my wife about…

One day it just hit me: "I could totally give my life for this child". It came out of nowhere and it was a chilling and somewhat unnerving feeling. I never felt that for anyone. But the conviction is there, almost like a peaceful resignation: if there is no other solution and that is the only possible alternative then so be it. Crazy.

This is obviously a trait evolution would strongly favor.

Re: The biology of dads

#240

Post by boringg » Wed, Nov 18, 2020, 2:40 AM UTC

jelliclesfarm wrote: post #230

1996 wrote: post #224

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Indeed, crazy. Some people think having a child rewrites of a lot of core routines - apparently also those involved into self-preservation. I'm sorry if that comes out as offensive, but this strikes me as something a virus or a parasite would also do, hijacking the host brain. How exposure to parasites encourages promiscuity has been studied: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4013694/ Obviously, children m…

except they are parasites. for women, biologically, the foetus considers the mother's body as the host body and siphons off resources. and thats ok. because the parasite is 50% of host DNA. all babies are born premature because we evolved quickly and the human female's pelvic bones didnt grow as wide and as quickly as the baby's head to come through the birth canal. even after birth, the human baby needs the mother/f…

I have to say that this is an interesting perspective to take. Seems highly functional. Not sure if I agree or disagree, I do find it interesting.