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The biology of dads

aeon.co

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Re: The biology of dads

#11

Post by zrail »

auslegung wrote: post #5
superflit wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Maybe remembering the fathers that after his kid is born there is a "hell" time of mostly 3-4 months where the baby will be adapting to you and vice-versa. Then the baby sleeps gets longer and you can have 6-8h of sleep. New fathers: Hold tight, after 3-4 months it gets way easier.

In my experience it's a lot longer than 3-4 months. Or perhaps it's hell for 3-4 months, then just purgatory for another couple of years. I have a 4-yo and 2.5-yo and my sleep has still not recovered. Just last night one of them woke up screaming, and this continues to happen about weekly. Being woken up in the middle of the night is one thing, being woken up in the middle of the night to the banshee screams of a you…

This rhymes with my experience. My 4.5yo only wakes up when she's sick but my 2yo wakes up at least once a night almost every night. Last night was the first time in weeks where she didn't, but then of course my body has been trained to respond to her so I didn't sleep well.

Re: The biology of dads

#12

Post by x87678r »

superflit wrote: post #3
zero_deg_kevin wrote: post #2

Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.

Maybe remembering the fathers that after his kid is born there is a "hell" time of mostly 3-4 months where the baby will be adapting to you and vice-versa. Then the baby sleeps gets longer and you can have 6-8h of sleep. New fathers: Hold tight, after 3-4 months it gets way easier.

Just wait until they're 16 and aren't home by midnight and not answering phone.

Re: The biology of dads

#13

Post by jacobush »

DoingIsLearning wrote: post #8

> The bodies and brains of fathers, not just mothers, are transformed through the love and labour of raising a child There is a clear link in emotional bonding and hormonal changes of mothers associated with pregnancy and labour. At face value it sounds nice that fathers also experience hormonal changes due to bonding with their children. However, I couldn't find any reference to the confounding of fathers just exper…

And for mothers?

Re: The biology of dads

#16

Post by dwaltrip »

zero_deg_kevin wrote: post #2

Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.

Help them face the problems, emotions, and ways of thinking in their own life that are holding them back. Then they will be more prepared and excited to expand this practice of care outward, starting with those closest to them such as immediate family. Far easier said than done. It can take years.

Re: The biology of dads

#19

Post by chub500 »

zero_deg_kevin wrote: post #2

Any ideas on how to get them to stick around after their kids are born? Asking for a friend.

I will make a shameless plug for marriage. While it is obviously not foolproof, and can go bad just as swiftly as no marriage at all, it is still a good signal of commitment in a partner. If your partner desires to be married (not just to please you I might add) then at least at face value he desires commitment. It isn't just an idle ceremony but a contract and vows with family and friends witnessing ideally to hold you to account.

Best of luck to your friend! ;)

Re: The biology of dads

#20

Post by bluedays »

>Paradoxically, we found that fathers who activate the anterior cingulate the most when listening to infant crying report the most negative emotional responses to those cries, in particular being more likely to label the cry as spoiled or manipulative. How can greater engagement of a brain region associated with empathy be linked with such negative subjective reactions to the cry? We suspect it relates to a phenomenon known as ‘empathic overarousal’, in which an observer takes on the distress of another individual to such an extent that they become mired in personal distress, which in turn interferes with the motivation and ability to deliver compassionate care. There might be an optimal state of arousal and degree of empathy, neither too high nor too low, that facilitates sensitive and responsive fathering.

I experienced this first hand. The newborn phase was really hard for me. I’m glad to know the reason for this, as I’ve always only ever understood it in a handwavy “male postpartum depression” sort of way

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