> I’ve used it since GitHub was in beta This is the root of the author's issue. As another commented, git is born in a world where computers are mostly offline, people are highly technical, and will spend a lot of time manually crafting the messages they will send to the numerous collaborators. It is an alone-first software. What the author wants (and exactly what I want as well: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=…
My previous and current company use perforce but many people (often those who recently join) are decrying that perforce is less elegant than git, but, realistically and based on your own criteria it would be "better" for the connected case.
I'm personally a big fan of 'offline/local-first' being a thing, but I'm a sysadmin not a developer.