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Ask HN: Are you depressed?

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Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#251

Post by hnracer »

Subsentient wrote: post #246

I was miserable before it was cool. Before the pandemic, I had a development job in the neighboring city. I'd take a 2 hour commute each way, and when I got home, I'd immediately collapse, sleep, wake up, and head right back to work. I didn't check my phone, my voicemail, my email, or call anyone. Just sleep. I rarely ate. I listened to a lot of death metal during that time. The pandemic hit, and I lost my job, then…

Sorry to hear this. I've heard that one of the small numbers of things that causes chronic unhappiness is long commute according to research

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#252

Post by nyokodo »

okareaman wrote: post #99
brink wrote: post #79

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wasn't suicidal in 2017, but every day felt like a literal nightmare, I hated living, every day was pain, and I didn't care if I lived or died. Today I'm happy and healthy. You can get out. Email is also in profile.

It's a weird place to be. Nothing matters. I got past the pain into a peaceful place. The state of California kept sending me a tax bill for $4,000 that I threw away. Eventually they seized my bank account and with penalties took out $12,000. My reaction was that it was interesting that they did that. It felt like I was watching someone else's life, maybe someone on TV.

Im no Psychiatrist but your description sounds like derealization which amongst other things is a symptom of depression. I would recommend consulting your doctor about this.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#253

Post by nexus2045 »

_olsk wrote: post #237

Funny enough, I used to be depressed for almost my whole life and now I'm not. Two and a half years ago, I dropped out from an average university to be admitted in Harvard within one year. At that time I also had poor English, struggling to differentiate present and past simple tenses. In just two years, I ruined relationships with my relatives, lost all friends, don't talk to anyone, got a horribly loose skin, had a…

Man that is a crazy story. Congratulations on the English, wouldn't second-guess your fluency one bit. But I don't understand how you went through some social catastrophes and still manage to level-up in the rest of your life so well? Please allow me more vague details or in private for such an amazing turnaround.

The reason I ask is because I have been struggling with socializing my whole life. While not autistic, I have lots of shyness and anxiety ever since I was a kid, got a bit bullied in high school, cared too much about what other people thought. Even in my early 30s now this is still a huge problem, because I have become a pretty avoidant person and other people perceive this as lack of initiative, bad work ethic, etc. I also wake up every day replaying any 1 of 100s of bad social experiences in the past, where I said something I shouldn't have impulsively and made things embarassing or awkward, or how I mishandled some friendship.

So its as if I base my whole identity off how well I'm maintaining my personal relationships, literally rewrite Whatsapp messages the more I am not close with someone (should I end the sentence with a period or 'lol'? Is the frequency of these emojis too much? Yeah its that extreme).

When I read your comment, I just get the impression that though you lost all of it, you were able to somehow transform yourself after. How?! If I were in your shoes, I would literally be watching YouTube videos about social skills, and think that "if I can't get this social thing down, I'll never be able to survive at a job". Please break my brain.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#254

Post by flightless »

Last year: moved to PNW for a high paying job after participating in a mass exodus from a failed startup. Commuted 2hrs a day, crashed at home completely exhausted and got eaten alive by the seasonal depression. Cried on the drive home about twice a week because I was miserable. This year: covid hits, I go wfh full time. Decide to move to a new team. They're really great to work with and work is fun again. I have hours back in my day for all kinds of fun activities. Lockdowns were actually a blessing in disguise.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#255

Post by flightless »

Subsentient wrote: post #246

I was miserable before it was cool. Before the pandemic, I had a development job in the neighboring city. I'd take a 2 hour commute each way, and when I got home, I'd immediately collapse, sleep, wake up, and head right back to work. I didn't check my phone, my voicemail, my email, or call anyone. Just sleep. I rarely ate. I listened to a lot of death metal during that time. The pandemic hit, and I lost my job, then…

Favorite death metal bands?

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#256

Post by andersonmvd »

hnracer wrote: post #251
Subsentient wrote: post #246

I was miserable before it was cool. Before the pandemic, I had a development job in the neighboring city. I'd take a 2 hour commute each way, and when I got home, I'd immediately collapse, sleep, wake up, and head right back to work. I didn't check my phone, my voicemail, my email, or call anyone. Just sleep. I rarely ate. I listened to a lot of death metal during that time. The pandemic hit, and I lost my job, then…

Sorry to hear this. I've heard that one of the small numbers of things that causes chronic unhappiness is long commute according to research

It's also about how you use your commute. For a 2 hour commute I was listening to audiobooks or studying with some app. Not unhappy for me, but it's true that sometimes it's better to have another choice, e.g., sleep instead.

Re: Ask HN: Are you depressed?

#257

Post by flightless »

DangitBobby wrote: post #224
swat535 wrote: post #186

Nowhere else to post this so here it goes. I lost my job in January. From January - March I started looking for a job and then COVID hits at the height of my search, now suddenly no one is hiring and all the businesses are slowing down. My girlfriend of 13 years left me the day after my birthday in June before I had a chance to propose to her, I had to return the ring, she had no idea and I never told her about it. I…

I find that Reddit sucks the joy out of my day. There's just something about that site.

Reddit is cute dog gifs on the surface and a quickly sloping pit of torment once you sink into it. I'm glad to have deleted it from my phone. I browse the internet much more responsibly on a laptop. I deleted all social and news apps from my phone, I basically have email, maps, and a chess app. I was bored for a day, but now that I'm not pumping stupidity into my eyes through this phone I'm actually creating music and learning chess deeply. I'm much more conscious of constructive uses of my time now. Gotta cut that cord, most of you are probably addicted to those apps.
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