Ask HN: I need help finding a job that fits my current mental situation

> When a heterosexual couple divorce, the wife typically takes a big hit financially and the husband typically takes a big hit emotionally and socially.

I had no idea it was that common. Always thought the husband took a big financial hit. But yeah, our situation ended up being exactly as you described (she gets to keep the house but has to pay me my share of it).

> I think you look forward to therapy because it's someone to talk with about personal stuff and it's your only outlet currently for that.

Therapy is definitely my social moment of the week, and I think you're right that that's why I look forward to it. I thought I had made friends at work over the years (considering how much we did outside of work), but they pretty much seem to have reverted to being just coworkers, despite me repeatedly reaching out for 2-3 months at the start of the pandemic (just to chat, not to do stuff outside - we're all pretty freaked out). I eventually gave up.

> Let me also suggest that you may need to work on cleaning your house.

I don't think that part is a problem. I really dislike messy places, so I keep my place clean and tidy at all times. And I'm a minimalist, so there's not much to clean to begin with.

I definitely need some form of social thing.

Hi watermelon59 what are your interests? I host a club where we talk about tech/design/literature. We typically have meetings every 2 weeks. We would love to have you join the discussion if just to listen or give the software perspective :) Find us on thepolymathclub.com

Our next meeting is on cookies/tracking, and the one after that is on “what is intelligence?” It’s a chill environment- jump in anytime (or anyone else reading this post :))

-Jane

I've been going through a similar, though I'm guessing milder, thing this year. I'm also not senior but here's a few things I've found very helpful:

1) Be explicit about what you can and can't do and tell your manager and team if you're comfortable doing so. I found this helpful for a few reasons. First I felt less bad for ignoring or failing at certain things because I knew I was still delivering in other areas. Second it made it easier for my manager to work around as they knew what I could handle and what they needed to pull in help for. Lastly, and most importantly, when I focused on the tasks I knew I could do I felt far more in control and my anxiety levels would go down significantly.

2) Take time off if you can. I'm fortunate in that I get a lot of sick leave and my manager encouraged me to take it. Quitting comes with a lot of stress but just having a week or two off can really help.

3) Read Feeling Good by David Burns and work through the exercises. It's a book explaining Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and I've personally found it really helpful so far.