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The Need for Touch

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Re: The Need for Touch

#41

Post by precisioncoder »

neolog wrote: post #37
precisioncoder wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would highly recommend dropping the dating sites and spending the time and money looking into touch centric hobbies instead. There are dozens of different styles of dance, Acroyoga or Partner acrobatics is also a great option. Whether you meet a partner or not, having a better relationship with the opposite gender and touch will make your dating options much better. Often you don't find your special somebody until…

Do singles go to acroyoga and partner acrobatics without knowing anybody?

Yes I would say about 80% of most of the groups I've attended has been either singles or people coming without their partners. For a first workshop it often tends to be more couples but the social aspect of it naturally encourages mixing groups, especially because to do it safely you'll need one or two "spotters" that help keep you safe.

Re: The Need for Touch

#42

Post by neolog »

precisioncoder wrote: post #41
neolog wrote: post #37

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do singles go to acroyoga and partner acrobatics without knowing anybody?

Yes I would say about 80% of most of the groups I've attended has been either singles or people coming without their partners. For a first workshop it often tends to be more couples but the social aspect of it naturally encourages mixing groups, especially because to do it safely you'll need one or two "spotters" that help keep you safe.

What part of the world is this?

Re: The Need for Touch

#43

Post by coldtea »

shybutnotshy wrote: post #3
nxc18 wrote: post #2

I don't know how common this is, but I was raised to see intimate touch as reserved exclusively for family and sexual/romantic partners. There's a pretty big mental block when it comes to touch, and I think that's made my life materially worse. Do others experience that? I grew up in New England for context. I'm somewhat fortunate that if I get particularly lonely or touch deprived, I can hop on grindr/scruff/hornet…

You have to be ok with casual sex. I'm mostly not. First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk. I know, at least according to popular media that puts me in the minority. If my attitude is common it's probably not easy to spot. Second, I don't want to hurt people. I know they exist but 9 times out of 10 people I meet want a serious relationsh…

>First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk.

Sounds more like microphobia. The chances are not that great. Except if you get casual sex from the fringe of society...

Re: The Need for Touch

#44

Post by [deleted] »

dTal wrote: post #33
saiya-jin wrote: post #18

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are doing the right thing I believe - taking relationships seriously. Maybe a bit too seriously but that's up to discussion. I am the same. Low quality relationship does way more harm than good to a normal balanced person, so like elsewhere quality beats quantity. What I can recommend to you, maybe cliche but it works and worked for me - start some physical workout. If you are unfit start gently, adapt your body…

Friendly heads-up, you seem to have assumed that the parent is looking for women, which isn't necessarily the case.

[deleted]

Re: The Need for Touch

#46

Post by twyayayayyaya »

throw4reasons wrote: post #7
throwawi wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Heterosexual male here. I think the last time I touched anyone was when I hugged my mom when she visited me 3 months ago, and before that I don't think I touched anyone for the 6 months since I broke up with my gf. After finishing college I moved to basically the middle of nowhere for my tech job without knowing anyone in the area. Wasn't proactive enough making friends, and because of my gf at the time I didn't seek…

I coexist with my wife (and 3 year old) but we came to the conclusion that we are utterly incompatible and cooled off the romantic part completely. I hoped things would turn around but the pandemic and wfh exacerbated the problem. I only play with my child (+ the daily hug) but other than that I haven't touched anybody in more than a year and am somewhat somewhat fine with it. I am aware that I am not replacing the n…

This is likely a common and underreported experience right now. I'm in a similar boat. My partner of many years and I managed through most of the pandemic in a city then moved to another lovely small town. It was a couple weeks later that my partner confessed that they had cheated on me on a single drunken occasion a year and a half previously. I felt taken advantage of, almost kidnapped, that they hadn't thought to say this before. It's been a month and a half and we're in limbo, not together, but not separated. Roommates.

Per the article, my partner is absolutely one who desires the language of touch. That we are around each other but deprived of it is very taxing.

Re: The Need for Touch

#47

Post by germinalphrase »

throw4reasons wrote: post #7
throwawi wrote: post #5

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Heterosexual male here. I think the last time I touched anyone was when I hugged my mom when she visited me 3 months ago, and before that I don't think I touched anyone for the 6 months since I broke up with my gf. After finishing college I moved to basically the middle of nowhere for my tech job without knowing anyone in the area. Wasn't proactive enough making friends, and because of my gf at the time I didn't seek…

I coexist with my wife (and 3 year old) but we came to the conclusion that we are utterly incompatible and cooled off the romantic part completely. I hoped things would turn around but the pandemic and wfh exacerbated the problem. I only play with my child (+ the daily hug) but other than that I haven't touched anybody in more than a year and am somewhat somewhat fine with it. I am aware that I am not replacing the n…

For what it’s worth, my wife and I slipped into a similar pattern and it put a great deal of stress on our relationship. We did seek some outside support and things have since moved back in the other direction. No advice here. Just sharing to acknowledge that these things can be fluid.

Re: The Need for Touch

#48

Post by nradov »

shybutnotshy wrote: post #3
nxc18 wrote: post #2

I don't know how common this is, but I was raised to see intimate touch as reserved exclusively for family and sexual/romantic partners. There's a pretty big mental block when it comes to touch, and I think that's made my life materially worse. Do others experience that? I grew up in New England for context. I'm somewhat fortunate that if I get particularly lonely or touch deprived, I can hop on grindr/scruff/hornet…

You have to be ok with casual sex. I'm mostly not. First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk. I know, at least according to popular media that puts me in the minority. If my attitude is common it's probably not easy to spot. Second, I don't want to hurt people. I know they exist but 9 times out of 10 people I meet want a serious relationsh…

You seem unhappy with the results of your current approach. Instead of making changes you're making excuses and sabotaging yourself. Hoping won't accomplish anything. Have you considered therapy?

Re: The Need for Touch

#49

Post by randomperson321 »

coldtea wrote: post #43
shybutnotshy wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You have to be ok with casual sex. I'm mostly not. First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk. I know, at least according to popular media that puts me in the minority. If my attitude is common it's probably not easy to spot. Second, I don't want to hurt people. I know they exist but 9 times out of 10 people I meet want a serious relationsh…

> First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk. Sounds more like microphobia. The chances are not that great. Except if you get casual sex from the fringe of society...

Is there hard data about this somewhere?

Re: The Need for Touch

#50

Post by virmundi »

coldtea wrote: post #43
shybutnotshy wrote: post #3

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You have to be ok with casual sex. I'm mostly not. First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk. I know, at least according to popular media that puts me in the minority. If my attitude is common it's probably not easy to spot. Second, I don't want to hurt people. I know they exist but 9 times out of 10 people I meet want a serious relationsh…

> First I don't want to catch something (aids, chlamydia, herpes, ...) so a few minutes of sex doesn't seem worth the risk. Sounds more like microphobia. The chances are not that great. Except if you get casual sex from the fringe of society...

Statistically 1/4 heterosexuals have some form of an STI. They can be even higher depending on what you read. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3575167/

STI in transsexuals is even higher. Some reports have it at 3/4 with high percentage of HIV. High rates among gays. Lesbians are pretty low (but have high domestic abuse rates).

STIs are a real danger unless many precautions are taken. We’re looking at dental dams. Condoms. And a lot of cleaning.

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