Ask HN: Do you have inspiring spontaneous conversations while remote working?

My background in software hacking, from 20 years ago, was all remotely working with other people over text. So working from home always feels natural and productive to me. I'm able to think better this way than in person with physical distractions and having to talk in realtime rather than thinking carefully about each thing I say.

1) Not applicable because I was remote before the pandemic

2) Yes, and I have A LOT. Predicate- I’m the tech lead, so it helps I can set team culture. However, here are some things that help- a) pick up the phone after the 3rd IM. Instant messaging and Teams/slack channels are great, but they partially eliminate the spontaneity you are talking about. If I’m more than 3 messages into the conversation, I pick up the phone and call (if both parties can talk). And once the immediate problem is over I don’t hang up. I ask how things are going, ask about family, tell them I have this cool new idea, etc. It builds trust and pretty quickly we get to feel comfortable bouncing ideas off each other.

b) I’ve expanded my network via shared interests. I run a “app development” book club. I run a series of meetings where people do a quick presentation on their non work passions and then we chat. I volunteer for side projects and charity work. All this is remote. And, importantly, I follow up with people I find interesting for 1-1s.

C) I consider the time spent in A and B just as much a part of my job as writing code or managing the backlog. It turns out, being on-site generates a lot of unplanned and invisible work- those talks in the kitchen, the pre and post meeting jokes and follow ups, the afterwork drinks. That all is WORK. Fun work, but also unplanned and untracked work. Going remote reduces the amount those activities happen, so you have to become more conscious about making time for it. People new to remote working (myself included) will often feel guilty about doing socialization activities in a deliberate manner (like purposefully making small talk after a call) even if they really think about or measure their time spent the amount they are engaged in those activities are way down. Don’t feel guilty for “slacking” with you coworkers. It’s actually part of the job.

Note- I do work slightly longer hours than I did before going remote, but I feel it’s more than made up for by time spent commuting or at volun-obligatory happy hours and events.

Oh, one last thing- try to keep ad how meetings to 4 or less people. You couldn’t fit that many in your office, but it’s almost impossible to socially engage with more than that on a video call.

As much as I advocate structure, I’ve never gone down there path of formalizing any sort of sharing of personal info, even about songs.

However, as a lead I think it’s important to set an example by voluntarily sharing at least some of my personal life. It opens the space for others who need to vent. Not everyone on my team does- some just need to hear that others are people too, and some are probably just indifferent.

I do have bounds though- I never share inter personal conflicts except with happy endings or as amusing anecdotes (such as my young daughter refusing to wear anything but her princess costume), and while I try to encourage people to share news of life’s tragedies and triumphs, team calls are not group therapy. I’ll happily talk more with people 1-1 about real problems (tragically one of my team members spouse passed recently. We talked about her and their journey multiple times), but other than news of her illness and passing we didn’t talk much about it publicly.

-> "Friday drinks" calls, but attendance was so low that we just cancelled them.

We have a 15 minute mandatory weekly review to start - it’s quite common for the session to last three hours.

That is sad to hear. By any chance do you live with others. I thankfully have my wife and two kids which helped, though I just moved from LA to SC, because it was so draconian. We have already talked to more neighbors in 5 days living here than we did in years living in LA. Point being the isolation is much less here because people all walk in the neighborhood and actually say hello and mean it. They don't in LA. But, I too am missing interactions at work terribly.