>You're confusing the idea of removing the other person's free will and the obligations that being in a sexual monogamous relationship carry.
I don't believe that I am. I agree with just about everything you wrote. Where we diverge is that I do not agree that anyone, regardless of relationship status is obliged or required to engage in sexual activity to which they do not consent.
>In a monogamous sexual relationship, if one person refuses to have sex much more frequently than the other, then that can very quickly destroy the relationship. Humans are sexual beings, and being in a monogamous relationship means you have only one outlet for that sexuality available to you.
That is absolutely correct. That said, just because two people are in a monogamous sexual relationship, that does not mean consent for sexual activity isn't required.
If one partner is unwilling or unable to consent, whether at the frequency the other partner desires or at all, that's going cause stress in the relationship.
And if that continues, it's likely that the relationship will fail.
The question then is why doesn't this person wish to consent, given that they are in a romantic/sexual relationship?
In order to avoid that eventuality, the people involved need to communicate and work out how to maintain the relationship together.
If that's not possible, then the relationship should probably end, as you correctly point out.
My points are simple and two-fold:
1. Consent for sexual activity, regardless of the nature of a relationship is never optional;
2. No one is, or should be, obligated or required to engage in sexual activity if they don't wish to do so.
Sure, there are times when folks may not be feeling particularly frisky, but in a healthy relationship that shouldn't be a big deal.
What's more, in a healthy relationship, the partners desire each other. In fact, there are few things in this world that are hotter than being desired.
And if there is a genuine disconnect in the level of desire, that needs to be worked out through strong, open communication, honesty and the hard work that's required to maintain any relationship.
However, in an unhealthy relationship (there can be many reasons for those, as Tolstoy opined[0]), it may not be possible to work these things out. This may cause discomfort, hurt and pain for those involved. It may be possible to make such a relationship healthy, but expecting that someone who, for whatever reason, is unwilling to consent to sexual activity should engage in such activity because they are obliged to do so due to the nature of the relationship is being abusive.
To be clear: Yes, people in romantic/sexual relationships, including monogamous/exclusive relationships generally do engage in sexual activity. In fact, that's one of the wonderful things about such relationships and I'm all for it!
And when there is an issue surrounding sexual activity (or anything else for that matter), it's important to communicate clearly and honestly with each other and make the effort to work through such issue(s). I'm all for that too! IMHO, clear, honest communication is the most important thing to maintaining a healthy, happy relationship.
All that said, please review these points one more time:
1. Consent for sexual activity, regardless of the nature of a relationship is never optional;
2. No one is, or should be, obligated or required to engage in sexual activity if they don't wish to do so.
And explain to me how they are inappropriate in the context of any relationship, including exclusive, monogamous ones.
I'd be very interested to read your thoughts.
[0] https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/7142-all-happy-families-are...