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R U OK?

ruok.org.au

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Re: R U OK?

#171

Post by andruby »

anm89 wrote: post #119

Remember, if you are in the US at least, and someone tells you they aren't ok, and you recommend a crisis line, and they mention anything regarding suicide, they are very likely going to be extracted from their living situation by force and end up incarcerated at very high expense to themselves. If their life was going poorly before that, it sure won't be better after. edit: as another poster mentioned, the record of…

(i don’t live in the US) this is insane. What’s the rational for extracting people from their environment by force? And worse, what’s the rational for recording the person who gave the advise and punishing them for it? I genuinely don’t understand.

Re: R U OK?

#173

Post by collyw »

asdffdsa wrote: post #131
ericmcer wrote: post #96

Something I am struggling with recently is less am I ok, but more do we as humans deserve to be ok? When I look at the freeways full of cars, streets lined with overflowing garbage cans, homeless encampments, grocery stores with row after row of cheap meat under fluorescent light. Am I supposed to feel ok? It many times feels as though we are a virus decimating our host environment. The constant flood of bad news com…

I guess the one thing that holds me back from acting more selflessly than I do is that we don't appreciate the efforts of goodwill of others, and we reward selfishness. I pay 45% of my income in taxes? The message is "pay your fair share". Pick up a piece of trash and put it in the garbage can? More litter will replace it when you walk by it the next time. Work extra hard to make sure a project is completed? "You're…

I don't think its as clear cut as you make out.

There was a Friends episode years ago where Pheobe basically argued that acting selflessly was a selfish act because people only did it to feel better about themselves.

I usually buy humanely raised chicken these days (the more expensive of the two they have in my supermarket), and notice that it tastes better. So from that point of view being selfish in wanting the tastiest chicken is a better option than the other.

Negotiate a higher salary and you might move up a tax band, paying more in taxes, which is generally for the greater good. If you really want to do good in the world, being rich is going to be one of the easiest ways to manage it. Bill Gates will be my probably controversial evidence of that.

Re: R U OK?

#174

Post by ryandrake »

troydavis wrote: post #140
tmpz22 wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's probably worth mentioning that if the police are involved during a mental health crisis there is a strong likelihood of physical violence even if you are not a minority.

Could you cite a source? https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6295210/ is one study of outcomes of Chicago police dispatches for mental health incidents. The outcomes are in https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6295210/#S6titl... . Officers mostly transported people to hospitals (44% of calls) or resolved the call on the scene with no next step (35%). Arrests occurred but were rare: > The call resolut…

I think the obvious point is that if the police are involved there is a small but non-zero chance of physical violence or arrest, and if they are not involved, there is a zero chance.

Re: R U OK?

#175

Post by Ma8ee »

ekianjo wrote: post #118
glenda wrote: post #105

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It sounds like you’re making excuses for the world as it is. The OP is right though. These aren’t things we have to live with just because Steven Pinker said the world is better off now than before... We are in control of our environment to a certain extent and have the capability of transforming it into something other than an isle of cheap meats under florescent lighting. We are capable of ending systemic violence…

> We can get rid of cars and build more beautiful cities! We don't have cars because we love driving and waste hours in traffic or something. They have a purpose and solve problems.

Yes, but most of those problems have other, less wasteful solutions. We don’t have to live sprawled out far away from our workplaces, and we don’t each and every one need to move our own 1500 kg vehicle to get somewhere in urban areas.

Re: R U OK?

#176

Post by warent »

asdffdsa wrote: post #131
ericmcer wrote: post #96

Something I am struggling with recently is less am I ok, but more do we as humans deserve to be ok? When I look at the freeways full of cars, streets lined with overflowing garbage cans, homeless encampments, grocery stores with row after row of cheap meat under fluorescent light. Am I supposed to feel ok? It many times feels as though we are a virus decimating our host environment. The constant flood of bad news com…

I guess the one thing that holds me back from acting more selflessly than I do is that we don't appreciate the efforts of goodwill of others, and we reward selfishness. I pay 45% of my income in taxes? The message is "pay your fair share". Pick up a piece of trash and put it in the garbage can? More litter will replace it when you walk by it the next time. Work extra hard to make sure a project is completed? "You're…

Maybe it's just a matter of perspective. Doing things to be selfless or altruistic has nothing to do with external validation, reward, or appreciation, in my experience of it. Appreciation and reward have little effect because people generally appreciate the wrong things so why care? (e.g. just look at the ridiculous low brow unenlightened worship in pop culture). Saying "I make a good amount of money" makes people get all excited and happy for you, but doesnt me feel much at all, actually dwelling on it makes me feel hollow. Contrast to "I might be leaving the world a little bit better than it was when I found it" and that fills me right up, and it's fine if people roll their eyes, don't get it, or don't care.

Re: R U OK?

#177

Post by thorin »

royletron wrote: post #41
thorin wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also single dad with 2 young kids in the UK. Got divorced last year, so this year has been a challenge for the same reasons you mentioned! Grateful to have work and spend lots of time with the kids although they are back at school now. I'm 44 so my skills are even more out of date!

The first year and a half is the worse for separation with children, at least for me. Trying to be involved in the same capacity, whilst maintaining a job and rebuilding your own life is a lot of work. I was constantly exhausted, often forgetting to eat and drink and barely functioning. There were some friends and family that really came through for me during those first 18 months. In terms of skills, like I say you…

Thanks for the reply. I've been looking after the kids 3 days a week plus half of weekends and holidays for 2 years now. Sleep was a problem for a bit but the kids are 5 and 6 now and sleep well. I didn't eat much last year and exercised a lot so was in great shape, but now I'm happier this year I'm eating and drinking more!

Work is ok. I realise it's a means to an end supporting the family and do what I need to do and try to be kind to people around me. I owe a few close friends for helping me be where I'm at now.

Re: R U OK?

#178

Post by ryandrake »

warent wrote: post #176
asdffdsa wrote: post #131

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I guess the one thing that holds me back from acting more selflessly than I do is that we don't appreciate the efforts of goodwill of others, and we reward selfishness. I pay 45% of my income in taxes? The message is "pay your fair share". Pick up a piece of trash and put it in the garbage can? More litter will replace it when you walk by it the next time. Work extra hard to make sure a project is completed? "You're…

Maybe it's just a matter of perspective. Doing things to be selfless or altruistic has nothing to do with external validation, reward, or appreciation, in my experience of it. Appreciation and reward have little effect because people generally appreciate the wrong things so why care? (e.g. just look at the ridiculous low brow unenlightened worship in pop culture). Saying "I make a good amount of money" makes people g…

Fewer and fewer people value sharing and selflessness and teach it to their kids, and more and more are teaching that the world is a giant capitalist slugfest and you need to take what you can. When I was a kid my parents (like a lot of us) taught me to share and play fair and give others their turns. Not so much of this is in vogue anymore.

I'll never forget once taking my kid to the park before corona and observing this directly. A little kid (4 or 5 or so) was crying to his mom within earshot. He was upset that he got off the swingset and then some other kid got on it. This could have been a teachable moment, but instead the mom said something to the effect of "You have to stay on it and keep it for yourself! Next time you want to take a break, call me over and I'll sit on the swing until you're ready to play on it again."

This whole attitude is everywhere now. You see it in politics, you see it at work, you see it in the grocery store.

Re: R U OK?

#179

Post by royletron »

thorin wrote: post #177
royletron wrote: post #41

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The first year and a half is the worse for separation with children, at least for me. Trying to be involved in the same capacity, whilst maintaining a job and rebuilding your own life is a lot of work. I was constantly exhausted, often forgetting to eat and drink and barely functioning. There were some friends and family that really came through for me during those first 18 months. In terms of skills, like I say you…

Thanks for the reply. I've been looking after the kids 3 days a week plus half of weekends and holidays for 2 years now. Sleep was a problem for a bit but the kids are 5 and 6 now and sleep well. I didn't eat much last year and exercised a lot so was in great shape, but now I'm happier this year I'm eating and drinking more! Work is ok. I realise it's a means to an end supporting the family and do what I need to do a…

Sounds like a similar deal. I was 'allowed' to take the boys for my first holiday with them in years the other week and it was complete bliss. Blackpool beach has never felt so special...

One thing I've been meaning to ask someone in the same position - how do your friends with kids treat you now? Especially those that knew you with your ex? I often feel like they're almost jealous of my position of getting a few days 'to yourself'. It's hard that I feel they're less likely to hear me, or relate... Does that happen with you?

I'm on Twitter with the same name so feel free to reach out. Good to keep a single dad's club going.

Re: R U OK?

#180

Post by royletron »

bradstewart wrote: post #79
royletron wrote: post #11

Single dad - with two boys who delight and terrorise in equal measure. Working in an industry in constant flux, trying to make the right moves and play to my skills. Knowing all along that I am not the best at what I do by a long mile. I've had two years that have often felt horrendous, and that's putting it lightly. I am approaching 40, and have taken a turn for the worse in terms of lock down weight... Weirdly coro…

> Knowing all along that I am not the best at what I do by a long mile Being aware of this gives you a leg up on a lot of people. The fact of the matter is almost nobody is the best at something. Which is totally fine! Don't discount the things you are good at. Most projects do not require the best. You deliver value without being an overconfident know-it-all.

I think it's definitely a wisdom/experience/age thing. I know now that my ability to not run at 60 miles an hour as soon as something turns or a new opportunity arrises is as much a blessing as a curse.
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