Pathological Lying: Theoretical and Empirical Support for a Diagnostic Entity

This seems like a classic reflexive problem: why would we expect liars to produce reliable data regarding their lying?

Different things get dispelled that changes their foundation that Santa relies on. Such as magic isn't real. Without magic, how can Santa perform his job?

As they get older, it becomes 'childish' by peers to believe in things people 2 years younger believe.

Media created for the demographic starts hinting at the possibility of parents being Santa.

They're fed enough information over the years to piece it together by themselves.

As years went by, I noticed a tendency to "fish story" everything. What was weird is that I'd remember something very clearly, like we ran for 4 miles or whatever, and as I listened them retell the story, it would be 5, 6, 9 miles, growing with each retelling. When challenged, they'd act surprised as if they truly believed it, and simply misremembered. Sometimes, they'd try to convince me that I was the one with the faulty memory. Shit, who's gaslighting who here?

This turned into a big problem after the honeymoon period. It took me a very long time to figure out that they would hear me say something, interpret it as an attack, and then deduce that I was attacking them for a certain purpose. Then they'd challenge me on attacking for whatever purpose, I'd be like "I don't remember doing anything like that" and they'd accuse me of gaslighting. Whatever their true beliefs, I was being gaslit through this "fish story" cycle. We tried counseling for years, and I eventually broke it off after it became clear that they weren't going to miraculously start a good faith approach to our relationship.

I planned the end of our relationship around a significant life event of theirs -- I didn't want to fuck that up, and I had patience. The morning of my planned departure, the day after their big thing, I learned that the whole fucking thing was a lie -- they admitted that they wanted me to be impressed, so they fish story'd that too. To this day, I don't understand that moment of honesty. They suspected that I was on the way out, and when... maybe it was guilt, maybe it was a hail mary... but what I do know is that they were conscious and deliberate about that lie, I'd never trust an answer to the question, and I'm glad they're out of my life

I've known a handful of pathological liars, one of whom is my nephew. My nephew's caregivers are not model parents. They are extremely hot and cold: either ignoring the kids for hours at a time, or screaming at the kids over every trivial accident and annoyance. Example: nephew was pouring a glass of water, knocked the cup on the floor, and his parents screamed at him and hit him until he was broken down in tears.

Newphew's day-to-day routine is an exercise in walking on eggshells to avoid triggering mom and dad's short temper. Anytime his parent's said a word to him, nephew assumed he'd done something bad again. He began lying at a very young age as a defense mechanism to avoid punishment.

He became very distrustful of adults. We had a family get-together once where my nephew was playing with toy dinosaurs. I walk up behind him and say "hey buddy what are doing over there" and he immediately startles and says "I didn't do anything!"

I noticed that he started lying habitually. And even lying about things that didn't even matter. If he had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, he'd tell everyone he had a bagel. If he got up early, he said he'd slept in late. If he watched Finding Nemo, he'd say he watched Spongebob.

I started challenging him on these things: "why did you just tell me ate a bagel? I was right here fixing the computer when you rolled out of bed at 10am to eat a bowl of cereal this morning." He'd double down, "well actually I got up early and ate a bagel when you didn't see me. And then I had cereal afterward." I'd say "why are you lying to me about something so stupid? I'm not mad, I just don't see why you'd lie about it. What's the point?" "I'm not lying, I swear!"

He's 11 years old and his lies are getting bigger, more absurd. He told me his friend's dad is the president of the Pokemon factory and he can get any rare Pokemon card he wants for free, and that he gets to ride around in his friends Lamborghini.

I literally think he's lying for sport now, like a game to see what he can get away with. He's going to have a hard time making and keeping friends if he doesn't break the habit soon.

I think all of this started from bad parenting. The kid didn't feel safe in his own home, and his defense mechanism became habit, which then became a pathological obsession.