It all comes down to your values and what is important. Personally, I wouldn't trade my girl for anything, but I'm the type that values family/relationship above all else. If you get your happiness through your work, then focus on your start-up. There is no right or wrong answer, it would be worse if you felt pressured to choose your SO then have some ill feelings towards them because you feel like they keep you from the things you truly enjoy.
Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
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Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#22If my SO couldn't deal with my startup life, I wouldn't wait for him to pack his bags, I'd already be gone. He knows I love him fiercly, but somethings in this world are worth fighting for - my hapiness being one of them.
Been married 5 years, and I regularly neglect my husband for side projects, and he knows it :) It's never to the point where we never spend time together but he understands where my head is at, and he supports me.
Those of us with a truly entrepreneurial spirit cannot run from who we are. And to lie to oneself in order to save a relationship will not work in the long run, because in the end, the truth will come out. If your SO can't deal with your startup fever, then of course, try your best to compromise so that you can still have both (if possible). But if you find yourself having to choose between the two and you choose your SO, but your passion really lines in your startup, how happy will you really be in that relationship?
Love is nice and all, but you have to be fuflilled in your life outside your relationships. Don't get me wrong, work is not everything, and probably not the most important thing to many ppl, but if your work drives you to wake up in the morning, then that's saying something profound about your passions and what makes you happy.
Someone who truly loves you, and understands you would never ask you to choose, but they would also never stand in your way either. If that means you can't be together, then that's something you just have to accept and learn from.
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#23If you have any doubt about this, resolve it before you have kids with your significant other. Your SO is (presumably) an adult who is in a voluntary relationship with you and knew your personality before getting serious with you. Kids, on the other hand, don't get to chose their parents. Don't make 'em unless you've got the time and ability to be a parent to them.
Thankfully kids are nowhere in the new future, startup or not. I agree though, kids complicate matters.
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#24I don't want to sound cold, but it depends on your SO and the startup. If your SO is someone you can't live without, then your decision is clear. If your startup is going to make your life so much better, and it's your ultimate passion, but your SO can't accept that, it's time to move on (from the relationship).
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#25This is a question that usually resolves itself. If your SO went into a relationship with someone who he/she knew was extremely passionate about building things, and they somehow expected this to "change", they are delusional, dishonest, or both. Did you really want to spend the rest of your life with a delusional, dishonest, controlling individual anyway? Yeah, didn't think so. In this event, you move on and find so…
I think your conclusion of a dishonest, delusional and controlling person may be a little off, but I see what you're saying. When we first started dating, I wasn't like this. Sure, I still hacked, worked hard and built things. But I admit that I did change and started working more and being serious about the startup lifestyle. I should also mention that we started dating when we were still in college.
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#26I'd choose my wife if I really had to. Fortunately I've been able to make it work pretty well. I spend almost all my non-startup time with her, which is why it works I think.
I like what you said, and it mirrors my experience. It comes down to what your priorities are. In my case it's family, work, then other stuff. It's a lie to believe that you can have/do it all, but it's generally true that you can have/do the things that are really important to you. I don't ride motorcycles, fly RC airplanes, or play guitar much anymore, but I'm okay with that because they were lesser priorities than the top two.
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#27If my SO couldn't deal with my startup life, I wouldn't wait for him to pack his bags, I'd already be gone. He knows I love him fiercly, but somethings in this world are worth fighting for - my hapiness being one of them. Been married 5 years, and I regularly neglect my husband for side projects, and he knows it :) It's never to the point where we never spend time together but he understands where my head is at, and…
This is exactly how I feel, its nice to know someone can empathize with me. It's very hard to explain this to a SO though.
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#28I regularly neglect my side projects for my wife & kids, so I guess my SO. I don't regret a second of it, either. It would probably be different if I were younger and just dating.
Having a wife and kids is a big difference from a girlfriend. I am young and just dating, but if I had a wife and kids, I'm sure they would come first.
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#29After two failed startups, my fiance later wife has let's say "become very wary" of new projects. And that sucks. But, I wouldn't trade her (or our kids) for all the money in the world so the choice is easy. That said, I have two active projects and at the moment and I'm treading very, very lightly with them. My plan is to remain stealth (from her) until/unless I get traction and then that would put me in a better po…
Well that gives a new perspective on stealthmode startup. I don't hide projects, but I do secretly check my phone and answer emails when I'm with her. I know it upsets her when I get my phone out when we're together, so I'll save quick emails when I "go to the bathroom."
Re: Ask HN: If you had to choose, would it be your startup or significant other?
#30Finding someone you really like is not easy and may not happen again. Pushing for more efficiency may help. Some tips: 1. Rid as much of time-wasters as possible. Ditch your tv, game set, etc. Avoid reading too much news, forums, etc. 2. Be more time-conscious with your activities, i.e., don't stray. E.g., reading is good but be selective. I've seen some non-startup related topics making getting so much upvotes even…
I'm pretty good at 1. I haven't played a video game since high school and don't have any TV channels. The worst part is my drug called HN.