Why forgiving someone else is about you
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Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#2While law doesn't have place for revenge in a civilised society and rightly so, the need for revenge/retribution I suspect is quite innate. It's healthy to try to forgive but it's quite difficult, almost like you can't fool yourselves into thinking you aren't hungry.
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#3While law doesn't have place for revenge in a civilised society and rightly so, the need for revenge/retribution I suspect is quite innate. It's healthy to try to forgive but it's quite difficult, almost like you can't fool yourselves into thinking you aren't hungry.
Do you honestly believe revenge helps you?
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#4While law doesn't have place for revenge in a civilised society and rightly so, the need for revenge/retribution I suspect is quite innate. It's healthy to try to forgive but it's quite difficult, almost like you can't fool yourselves into thinking you aren't hungry.
I do think it is something which is greatly variables among individuals. I have felt that I have a dampened sense of anger, that people find it weird/strange that I did not become angry in such and such situations. This could be problematic in some situations including at work, sometimes if you don't have or show anger then your motives can be viewed with suspicion.
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#5While law doesn't have place for revenge in a civilised society and rightly so, the need for revenge/retribution I suspect is quite innate. It's healthy to try to forgive but it's quite difficult, almost like you can't fool yourselves into thinking you aren't hungry.
It does seem to be an innate part of our behavior. It's interesting because the interviewee strongly suggests that we forgive others when it no longer makes sense to hold a grudge.
On the other hand, she also recommends that we cultivate that feeling because it often gives no benefit to not move on from the wrong that was visited upon us.
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#6While law doesn't have place for revenge in a civilised society and rightly so, the need for revenge/retribution I suspect is quite innate. It's healthy to try to forgive but it's quite difficult, almost like you can't fool yourselves into thinking you aren't hungry.
Do you honestly believe revenge helps you?
what about making sure the person who did it to you does not profit from it?
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#7In which we learn that forgiveness is a suitcase word (prone to useless debate as each party uses a different definition)
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#8We can have cookie and eat it to: stop being angry at those who wronged you, just start plotting your revenge :) Treat revenge as just another item on your todo list, just like shopping or dentist visit. Or maybe even outsource your revenge by hiring a lawyer/PI/hitman to enact it.
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#9While law doesn't have place for revenge in a civilised society and rightly so, the need for revenge/retribution I suspect is quite innate. It's healthy to try to forgive but it's quite difficult, almost like you can't fool yourselves into thinking you aren't hungry.
Do you honestly believe revenge helps you?
There are certainly cases where it can. In a repeating game, revenge can be a useful tool to signal to the other party that their actions were not acceptable and to impose a cost on present and potentially future actions of the same type. That's not to say it's typically a good idea.
Re: Why forgiving someone else is about you
#10Earlier quoted context omitted.
Do you honestly believe revenge helps you?
what about making sure the person who did it to you does not profit from it?
By itself, that seems like sunk costs to me - preventing someone else from profiting from a disadvantage they put you at does not necessarily remediate said disadvantage.
But there's certain ways in which it could be "rational" - e.g. preventing them from doing you harm again in the future by scaring them off with your revenge, evening out some sort of competitive position so that you are on the same level again, or if your revenge actually re-balances some material loss you suffered at their hands.