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Healthy Self-Doubt

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Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#11

Post by martindbp »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #3

Imposter syndrome such a popular thing to belive in because actually most people really do suck at their jobs. I see a similar sentiment all the time where people say things along the lines of "Nobody really feels like an adult, we are all just muddling through" etc etc. Actually no, some of us actually have our shit sorted out and are actual adults.

Yes, one particular pet peeve for me is the idea that the personal finance part of "adulting" is hard. It's really not. Live (far) below your means and invest the difference, that's it. Somehow 1.3B Chinese can maintain an average savings rate of 30%, but people in the west cannot help but live paycheck to payceck? Of course, few people are willing to actually go through with it, but it's not difficult to understand. It so happens that getting this part right is a pretty major part of adulting too.

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#12

Post by luckylion »

> At some point in my software engineering/leadership career, it became evident that I was expected to have Impostor Syndrome. Indeed, it became clear that all underrepresented people in tech were expected to have Impostor Syndrome.

Is that so? I agree with the first part: it's somewhat expected that you deal with impostor syndrome. But it's pretty much expected for everyone, regardless of some group representation. I believe it's an occupational thing, not a "I'm in the minority" thing. That may contribute, but it's not the factor at all.

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#14

Post by bitten »

blickentwapft wrote: post #13

It’s strange. In the tech industry, whenever you express any self doubt, people read that as you saying you have impostor syndrome. Why is that?

with imposter syndrome you have self doubt, but having self doubt doesn't mean you have imposter syndrome. at least to my understanding and experience. so the difference can be confusing and it's easy to label one as the other. but i also appreciate your concern, my friends use imposter syndrome when they sometimes mean self doubt.

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#15

Post by quickthrower2 »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #3

Imposter syndrome such a popular thing to belive in because actually most people really do suck at their jobs. I see a similar sentiment all the time where people say things along the lines of "Nobody really feels like an adult, we are all just muddling through" etc etc. Actually no, some of us actually have our shit sorted out and are actual adults.

Yep compared to someone in the 51st percentile, most of us suck!

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#16

Post by [deleted] »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #3

Imposter syndrome such a popular thing to belive in because actually most people really do suck at their jobs. I see a similar sentiment all the time where people say things along the lines of "Nobody really feels like an adult, we are all just muddling through" etc etc. Actually no, some of us actually have our shit sorted out and are actual adults.

[deleted]

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#17

Post by bArray »

Negitivefrags wrote: post #3

Imposter syndrome such a popular thing to belive in because actually most people really do suck at their jobs. I see a similar sentiment all the time where people say things along the lines of "Nobody really feels like an adult, we are all just muddling through" etc etc. Actually no, some of us actually have our shit sorted out and are actual adults.

> [..] most people really do suck at their jobs.

If fact, 50% of people perform below average! 50% of the population also have below average IQ.

> Actually no, some of us actually have our shit sorted out

> and are actual adults.

I believe that everybody has an "inner child", but most functioning adults have built layers around that inner self to enhance their behaviour to that of what we externally perceive as an "adult".

Proof that most people still have that inner child can be observed in some edge cases, such as under the influence of drugs, sleep/energy deprived, some mental deterioration conditions such as dementia - and many others. I think sometimes we see this too in viral videos where people behave strangely when presented in an unusual scenario. The mind just seems to go into a "default" mode.

I think for the most part, people generally run on auto-pilot. Like the so-called "muscle memory" for athletes, I believe something similar exists for most tasks a person completes day-to-day. Human behaviour more generally is likely doing this.

To that extent, is this seeming lack of adult-like behaviour simply a person that needs to relearn this "outer shell"? (Assuming they are also capable of doing so.)

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#18

Post by philosopherdog »

Imposter syndrome is where you actually have the skills and/or knowledge but don’t believe you do (irrationally). Most people are simply incompetent. That is not imposter syndrome. Having a rational sense of your actual abilities is tough because beliefs affect confidence. So most people seem to be encouraged to over inflate their abilities. The syndrome is not imposter but over inflation.

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#19

Post by edu »

I've seen quite a lot of people from underrepresented groups claiming they have impostor syndrome but from the outside they seem to be closer to the Dunnunig-Kruger effect and just claiming it because it's hype.

Of course, I'm not in their minds and I'm absolutely biased.

Re: Healthy Self-Doubt

#20

Post by throwaway241593 »

This is for last_question. I saw your comment before you deleted it:

I could have written something similar in my early 20s, except I was too busy masturbating and playing video games and hating myself.

I joined a 12 step group for porn and formed some of the first real relationships in my life. I've stood up to my shitty parents. I've learned to take care of myself and make a life for myself. I have a family now. I try to help other people (and animals). Life is not perfect, but it is good. I learned that God exists and loves me. He loves you too! He only made one of you and he doesn't make junk!

I don't know what you should do in your life, but I would recommend setting some goals and finding a way to take a small step towards them every day. You aren't going to claim your life in one big step, it will be lots steps. There will be loses and pain and mistakes, but there will be good too. There will be victories and successes, but only if you put yourself out there and try something.

Here are the things that help me: * Going for a walk. * Getting a job. * Getting an apartment (with roommates to cover expenses) * Forming relationships with people. Church, 12 step meetings, meetups. Anything that gets you socializing in a healthy way * Reading a book * Meditating * Swimming * Learning something * Being honest with people I trust about what's going on inside of me * Listening to other people * Feeding squirrels

For me, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how the world and my parents have screwed me. It didn't help me too much.

A prayer for both of us: God, Thank you for saving me from my demons. Thank you for last_question having the courage to speak up today. Please hold last_question in your hand, and provide the love and comfort that only you can. Thank you for the squirrels that we feed. Thank you for water and the sky. Thank you for giving me a job, so that I get to feed the squirrels. Please lift up last_question with an outpouring of love! Show us what to do and give us the courage to do it. Help us to set aside the garbage from our parents and help us move on with our lives. Thank you for healing us!

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