BTW What's up with Tinder granting for free global in discovery settings? I am the only lucky one? Never have I had an opportunity to swipe on so many single mothers 3000km away.
I think I will start to charge Tinder for my time...
The stable marriage problem and modern dating
111–120 of 224 posts
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#112I am interested in how dating apps are changing humanity. Starting with three assumptions:
1. Over several generations of successful partnering, Human cognition has become really good at estimating someone's "rank" as a potential mate (in the stable marriage problem sense).
2. Language, modern UX design schemes and dating apps do not have sufficient bandwidth to communicate all the signals needed to "rank" a potential mate.
3. Dating apps present the lowest bandwidth signals first (photograph, age, height etc) and expand out to higher bandwidth signals after an initial screening (Language, communication, cultural similarity etc in messages).
Putting these ideas together, it's possible that dating apps will reward an entire generation for optimizing for those narrow range of signals that work well on dating apps (and not reward investing into developing a well rounded personality). I would think that being good at Instagram, TikTok and Photoshop might almost become evolutionary advantages for today's 14 year olds as they grow older and start seeking partners.
How will this change our society after 5-6 generations of descendants who all found partners on dating apps? Should schools begin to teach 8 year olds how to photoshop away their bad hair days because one day it will become an essential skill to being successful at one of the most important human experiences?
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#113Having worked on a dating app startup with a 2m seed (it's since pivoted to a brewery run by active gang members), I can say the problem of dating is looked at horribly wrong. People assume dating is about finding the person "most compatible" with you. Compatibility is an illusion. Most people tend to date until they have an idea of "what they don't want". Once they know and they find someone who checks the boxes, th…
What's the difference between "compatible" and "doesn't have attributes I don't want?"
The difference between a whitelist and blacklist.
Here is a movie that satirizes the 'whitelist' approach: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lobster
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#114Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#115Easy dating app: instead of making profiles and 'matching', just organize a bunch of dances, hikes, etc in a community and charge a nominal fee for membership. This will likely lead to much better matches than some silly algorithm.
This exists: https://www.eventsandadventures.com/ The downside is there's a lot of overlap between "people who are online dating" and "people who aren't good in group social settings".
eventsandadventures are scum. please do not even give them clicks.
Source (among many): https://www.complaintsboard.com/events-and-adventures-possib...
some examples: if you end up "not single" you cannot cancel your membership and are obligated to keep paying through the agreed term, BUT are not allowed to participate in any events as they are "for singles only".
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#116I'll chime in with my experience. I married a partner who gave me a strong sense of trust and we now have a child together and are a happy family. We are not very compatible in the sense that we have different mindsets and personalities but share values. We both agreed that rather than trying to change each other we should strive to complete each other instead. It is hard work, but I have the sense that marriage is never easy.
Previous to meeting each other I dated a bit more than she did. I did the online dating and it did not work at for my personality. We ended up being introduced by a common friend.
Edit: I think it may be relevant to the discussion. Im in my early 40s and she's in her late 30s so marrying was bound to happen at some point around this age.
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#117Having worked on a dating app startup with a 2m seed (it's since pivoted to a brewery run by active gang members), I can say the problem of dating is looked at horribly wrong. People assume dating is about finding the person "most compatible" with you. Compatibility is an illusion. Most people tend to date until they have an idea of "what they don't want". Once they know and they find someone who checks the boxes, th…
Do you have any data to back that up that you can share? I don't mean to call you out, it could very well be the case, people date in rather not-understandable ways to me. What you're saying does not match my experience though. Quite a few friends of mine have dated only very few people before getting married. Anecdotally, the marriages that seem to do the best are the marriages in which both partners did not have a…
I think the primary requirement for making a relationship work is that both parties are committed to making it work. The problem is: we're not, because we've been fed fairy tales about True Love and we keep looking for a Mr/Mrs Perfect that doesn't exist.
Finding out what you don't want is definitely important too. Some people figure that out quickly, some go through a lot of drama before they finally figure it out. And I can certainly see how people who have trouble figuring out what they don't want, may enter a marriage that doesn't work out. But I also think that people who marry with relatively little dating, are more committed to making it work.
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#118COVID is throwing an interesting wrench into dating. No more bars, clubs, large social gatherings, everybody working or studying remotely, most people wearing masks in public, meeting in person carries the risk of contracting the virus. Meeting a new romantic interest in person first is bound to take a big hit. Most first encounters will have to be through online dating apps. If the OKCupid study is to be believed, 8…
> What is this going to lead to?
Statistically speaking, higher bandwidth costs for pornhub.com and if things were open some more crazy mass shooters?
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#119Earlier quoted context omitted.
> Why would having a larger pool make dating harder? FWIW, I have found online dating way harder than dating someone I met through friends/work/school. YMMV but my theory is having access to that many more people leads one (including myself) to sometimes think there's someone more attractive/interesting out there instead of giving what's available to them a strong chance. I have two good friends who have been serial…
This. I come from a strong family culture (dozens of cousins, off-spring, good communication, >95% stable long-lasting marriages, etc.), and we were taught that there is no perfect match. Love isn’t a feeling, it is an act of the will for the good of the other. Ergo, it’s your job to make the relationship work. Millennials without robust world-views haven’t yet figured out that the ‘fear of missing out’ is devastatin…
Millenials and young people are not more promiscuous and don't jump from relationship to relationship. They are more likely to be single or have long relationship. But less so trying out many partners. Also most Millenials are over 30 now.
Re: The stable marriage problem and modern dating
#120I didn't see it mentioned but I thought I'd call out that one of the best articles I've read on the topic of dating was from the Wait But Why Blog
https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html https://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner-part-2.html