Ask HN: How are you holding up?

I find that hard to believe. The polar bear absolutely knows he's trapped, though he probably doesn't know why.

Just saw this downthread, he even developed depression later in life, seems pretty sentient: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=23614699

I’m able to WFH and I’m in a spacious sunny place which helps a lot. Also, I’m not alone as I live with my partner. However, provided that lots of startups are laying off people, there’s be a slight chance that I would be laid off too. That’s OK as I am a staunch believer that job security does not exist.

But It’s really hard to be calm with all that’s happening all over the world, and with some family members living abroad, in countries where the pandemic is hitting very hard. That’s the worst part.

Also, coping that your stack of choice is rather undervalued and rather "old", makes it appealing to learn new stacks/languages, but hard to land jobs using these new ones. Adding up the fact that there's no such thing as job security, and that maybe I would be fired given the situation, puts the stress up.

I'll keep up anyhow, because I enjoy my work, and I'm willing to get better.

I started off by discovering that social obligations were a huge stressor for me: I often wanted to do things by myself, but I nearly always felt guilty about it, dwelling on all the friendships I wasn't investing in, imagining myself becoming isolated and truly alone. Now I can schedule a couple of FaceTime calls a week, text a couple other people occasionally, and have my social obligations met. And I'm fortunate to live with my partner so we can give each other a baseline level of human contact. This has freed me to really dive in and embrace a couple of hobbies I had been robbing myself of.

On the other hand: I'm incredibly stressed about the state of the world and the future of our society. I feel powerless, I feel cognitive dissonance about how wrong so many things seem, I feel like things are falling apart around me. These feelings are probably exaggerated by generalized anxiety and secondary information sources, but it's hard to shake them off without being able to go out into the world and see some degree of normalcy- that some things, at least where I live, are a semblance of okay. It also wouldn't hurt to have the option of distracting myself with a movie, or some tacos and a margarita, every once in a while.

And then there's all the little stressors: sanitizing grocery deliveries one item at a time every week, not being able to properly go to the doctor for non-emergencies without risking exposure to a deadly disease. Even taking walks is a bit stressful, having to constantly navigate around other walkers in our neighborhood to make sure we're all keeping our distance. These things were terrifying for the first couple weeks, then they became normal, and now they've become grating. Part of me definitely just feels tired.

I was buried in "I'm the victim" mindset for most of the past 4 months. Most opportunities were squandered because of fixed solution mindset (ie, I cant work out because the gym is closed). In taking ownership of the situation (instead of leaving it in Gavin Newsom's power hungry hands), I have been able to begin moving forward utilising what is available to me.

Whereas I previously was skipping workouts because I was fixed on how to do that, was medicating the pain/confusion of how to pivot with video games and junk food, was not taking ownership of the situation. Now I am taking ownership of what value can still be derived, ensuring I am doing the work required of where I want to be.

About a month ago, I ended a serious relationship, and since gf moved out and I started quarantining alone, it became so much harder. I still stand by that decision, but it couldn't been worse time to become isolated. Got into one of the worst depressive episodes I've ever had. Lost my job, and then couldn't keep a sweet, high-paying remote gig that was supposed to be the next one. Fucked up responsibilities and ended things badly, fully guilty and feeling it. Sleeping 16 hours a day, spending waking hours completely aimlessly. My amazing friends and family try to pull me out of it, and I'm okay while I'm around them, but then I either go home tired and alone, or a quiet friendly get-together turns into a wild party with lots of booze and coke and hard depressive hangover for the next few days. My chronic health problems (blood flow to the brain) got much worse, and I even got myself to see the doctor and get some pills, but still can't change my life in a serious way to prevent it; it looks like I have a very high risk of having a stroke in the next month or two, but I just can't bring myself to care about it.

And the worst part of it is, I see myself climbing out of this hole, again, getting a good job, looking after my health, being a productive member of society, all that – and I see nothing to be inspired about. In my previous life, and in my possible future life, that looks just the same, there's just nothing worth of all that effort of living.