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Reflections on Being a Female Founder

tracy.posthaven.com

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Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#171

Post by jojobas »

fiblye wrote: post #170
jojobas wrote: post #162

Disclaimer: I don't make the rules, and the rules are probably unsubstantiated. There's no shame in going to toilet, it's just not in to do it in plain view. It's not the "feeding your child" bit that raises eyebrows, it's "naking your boobs".

The toilet is a place where we get rid of the dirty things our bodies produce. We do it away from others because it's not sanitary or safe to just do it in the open. It's weird that an adult can have a meal just about anywhere they please, but when a baby needs to be fed, the expectation is to do it in an isolated area as if it's a disgusting act.

A baby can be fed from a bottle anywhere, no problem (I'm aware how much more beneficial breastfeeding is). It's the naked boob that sets people off. Expose even a male nipple in an office building or a restaurant and see what happens.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#172

Post by BurningFrog »

geebee wrote: post #151
victoriasun wrote: post #117

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It is legally actionable but it is unfortunately very difficult to actually prosecute. Lawyers are not really incentivized to take on discrimination cases as they are generally difficult to prove and don't pay out well. As an aside, during my very first job as a junior (female, 21) engineer, an executive told me, unprompted, that I would end my career by the age of 30 to focus on having children. Ironically enough, h…

Silicon Valley doesn’t really like people with family obligations. In interviews in my 30s, I found myself hiding the fact that I had children. Once a recruiter, trying to lure me away from a stable company for a startup, told me that I better take my risks while I still could, before I had children (I had 2). I grew up in SF and I’m pushing 50. The population of children in SF has dropped to a little more that half…

I think SFs hostility to children is largely independent of tech.

It's about not building housing for 40 years, and running a terrible school system, etc.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#173

Post by austincheney »

smabie wrote: post #128
divbzero wrote: post #114

> On some days, I would park my car on a sleepy street in Palo Alto and pump milk with a silicone hand pump in front of someone’s nice house, reading profiles of the investors in my next meeting from my iPhone. Occasionally someone would drive up, or a jogger would run by, and I would feel completely humiliated. This is just a small bit of everything Tracy wrote. But I would love to see this stigma changed. There sho…

I mean, it's kind of on her if she felt humiliated. I feel embarrassed by things that no one notices and no cares about. But those feelings are a reflection of me, not society.

Humiliation, which is different from regret, is a product of self reflection in confrontation to social feedback. That said it’s hard to blame anybody for a feeling of humiliation when it’s almost always the product of social reinforcement.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#174

Post by ncallaway »

smabie wrote: post #128
divbzero wrote: post #114

> On some days, I would park my car on a sleepy street in Palo Alto and pump milk with a silicone hand pump in front of someone’s nice house, reading profiles of the investors in my next meeting from my iPhone. Occasionally someone would drive up, or a jogger would run by, and I would feel completely humiliated. This is just a small bit of everything Tracy wrote. But I would love to see this stigma changed. There sho…

I mean, it's kind of on her if she felt humiliated. I feel embarrassed by things that no one notices and no cares about. But those feelings are a reflection of me, not society.

> But those feelings are a reflection of me, not society.

Society was the one that originally taught you to be embarrassed by those things, though.

Yes, with work you can try and take back some of that control. But those things that you are embarrassed by were taught to you to be embarrassing.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#175

Post by ncallaway »

jojobas wrote: post #162

Disclaimer: I don't make the rules, and the rules are probably unsubstantiated. There's no shame in going to toilet, it's just not in to do it in plain view. It's not the "feeding your child" bit that raises eyebrows, it's "naking your boobs".

I think there's no shame in breastfeeding in public.

I think there should be shame for people that think it's more important to ensure other human beings don't see a breast than it is to feed a child.

It's a breast. Grow up and get over it.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#176

Post by austincheney »

> Someone I trusted had snuck out of responsibility in the most selfish way imaginable, and my body responded with intense physical reactions. I wondered if male CEOs would have reacted this way. I wish I knew.

She learned she was pregnant that morning so the physical reactions could have been lightly compounded by knowing that. While joyous there is some stress that comes with knowledge of pregnancy. Otherwise, yes, the reactions to betrayal are similar for males. It’s less about difference in sex and more about the person in how they respond to that specific form of stress.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#177

Post by ncallaway »

jojobas wrote: post #171
fiblye wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The toilet is a place where we get rid of the dirty things our bodies produce. We do it away from others because it's not sanitary or safe to just do it in the open. It's weird that an adult can have a meal just about anywhere they please, but when a baby needs to be fed, the expectation is to do it in an isolated area as if it's a disgusting act.

A baby can be fed from a bottle anywhere, no problem (I'm aware how much more beneficial breastfeeding is). It's the naked boob that sets people off. Expose even a male nipple in an office building or a restaurant and see what happens.

> It's the naked boob that sets people off

Those people need to grow up

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#178

Post by pm90 »

BurningFrog wrote: post #172
geebee wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Silicon Valley doesn’t really like people with family obligations. In interviews in my 30s, I found myself hiding the fact that I had children. Once a recruiter, trying to lure me away from a stable company for a startup, told me that I better take my risks while I still could, before I had children (I had 2). I grew up in SF and I’m pushing 50. The population of children in SF has dropped to a little more that half…

I think SFs hostility to children is largely independent of tech. It's about not building housing for 40 years, and running a terrible school system, etc.

Correct. Make decent homes and childcare affordable and you will see more kids. It’s not that hard. BTW, most tech workers in SF still work at bigger firms (Ie non startups) so the argument that startup culture is what holds people back from childbearing doesn’t seem to hold water.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#179

Post by Swizec »

ifokiedoke wrote: post #125
tialaramex wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

One thing that bugs me: Women I know who wrote software kept finding new roles where they'd be in management instead and then they moan that they liked writing code and miss it. Maybe that tells us that sexism in software development is prevalent and they wanted out, which is no fault of theirs, and maybe they just wanted more money - but it definitely sucks overall. I find blind technical interviewing easy because I…

My own personal experience as a female software developer is that there is pressure from all sides to go into management, and this pressure can come from both ill and good intent. Others have mentioned that it might be because of perceived superior communication skills (good?), or perceived lack of "good-enough" technical skills (bad?)... both of these add to the problem, but I've also experienced that diversity-awar…

> there is pressure from all sides to go into management, and this pressure can come from both ill and good intent

As a guy, I keep fighting this pressure a lot too. I think it comes from organizations who don’t have enough technical challenges and they’re afraid top talent will leave out of boredom.

There’s always managerial challenges.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#180

Post by fiblye »

jojobas wrote: post #171
fiblye wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The toilet is a place where we get rid of the dirty things our bodies produce. We do it away from others because it's not sanitary or safe to just do it in the open. It's weird that an adult can have a meal just about anywhere they please, but when a baby needs to be fed, the expectation is to do it in an isolated area as if it's a disgusting act.

A baby can be fed from a bottle anywhere, no problem (I'm aware how much more beneficial breastfeeding is). It's the naked boob that sets people off. Expose even a male nipple in an office building or a restaurant and see what happens.

I've been served by shirtless guys in normal restaurants and food carts. I've seen more than enough shirtless guys eating dinner outside without anybody caring. I've only seen a few nipples in offices, so maybe you have a point there.
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