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Reflections on Being a Female Founder

tracy.posthaven.com

121–130 of 311 posts

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#121
This was a good read and I thank Tracy for writing it. However, I do have some remarks about the comments I am reading here, so I am writing a top level post so as to not single out a specific comment.

It doesn't become ok to stereotype just because the stereotypes are saying nice things about the right demographics. I read a comment here talking about women going into management roles because of higher 'EQ', and being better than men at noticing social and monetary rewards, and what not.

I think that if someone had made a comment about men having more 'technical aptitude' or something they'd be down-voted, and rightly.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#122
post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Is it really hurting them? Seems like both she and the people she sees succeeding as leaders act that way. Being indomitable and regulating your emotions seems to be part of the formula for effective leadership; why would we expect otherwise?

Pretending that physical and mental health problems does not exist is a problem. It is sad aspect of human life that we reward social status and monetary rewards to those who are successful at hiding it, and punish those that either refuse or fail. It seems worth to ask if there is a better way. It also seems that in a time where we care about inclusivity and diversity we need to let go of the perception that only pe…

Maybe it's unfortunate, but nobody said being a leader is easy. It's why most (including myself) are not capable of such a role

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#123
post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Right. We glamorize "management" in every way, even going so far as to label devs "individual contributors". As if they only contribute 1x while managers contribute multiples. I have this gut wrenching feeling that tech companies just can't be fixed. There's way too much that has to change and the powerful people don't have much incentive to do the work.

I mean, this is an issue in every company on the planet, not sure why you single out tech. If anything large tech companies have the best IC paths out there.

This is true. Many other industries are absolute cesspools of corruption, nepotism, outright harassment and just all in all hellholes to work in, but the media loves to shit almost exclusively on tech.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#124
post #97

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretending that physical and mental health problems does not exist is a problem. It is sad aspect of human life that we reward social status and monetary rewards to those who are successful at hiding it, and punish those that either refuse or fail. It seems worth to ask if there is a better way. It also seems that in a time where we care about inclusivity and diversity we need to let go of the perception that only pe…

I think it is even innate to look up to those kind of leaders. Obviously there are exceptions but they inspire confidence (at least in me, n=1)

For what it's worth as a counterexample, many people attribute Dr. Bonnie Henry's display of emotional honesty and vulnerability at a live press conference as a masterclass in communication, an excellent example of leadership, and as having played an important role in British Columbia's (so far) successful coronavirus response.

(Citations for the above are easy to find but I'm on mobile so I don't feel like digging up the links).

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#125
post #23

This was an interesting read. I found it well written and kind of sad, if optimistic and hopeful. Personally, I would love to see a lot more female developers. I am betting there is no significant difference in inherent potential talent between the two genders, so why are almost all coders I've worked with male?

One thing that bugs me: Women I know who wrote software kept finding new roles where they'd be in management instead and then they moan that they liked writing code and miss it. Maybe that tells us that sexism in software development is prevalent and they wanted out, which is no fault of theirs, and maybe they just wanted more money - but it definitely sucks overall. I find blind technical interviewing easy because I…

My own personal experience as a female software developer is that there is pressure from all sides to go into management, and this pressure can come from both ill and good intent.

Others have mentioned that it might be because of perceived superior communication skills (good?), or perceived lack of "good-enough" technical skills (bad?)... both of these add to the problem, but I've also experienced that diversity-aware companies tend to explicitly want females in management/leadership positions because it sends a stronger message re: caring about diversity than e.g. having a female senior software engineer (As unfortunate as it is, I think most perceive "manager/team lead" as higher up the ladder than "senior software engineer").

A specific example: I worked at a startup where D/I was a huge topic and where we spoke about it during Town Hall all the time. Complaints (mostly from females from within the company, not necessarily from the Engineering department) were always about not having females as team leads, as managers, as directors, on out executive board, etc. So every quarter, each and every competent female engineer would be encouraged to try taking a team lead or management role if there was one open. Of course, a bunch of us (myself included) had 0 interest but the prodding was there.

EDIT: Also, just in case someone is going to take this as proof that "women have it easy" at "woke" companies because the bar is lowered for going into management or something... I feel the need to explicitly state that the bar wasn't lowered. When I say "competent" I actually mean the dictionary definition of "having requisite or adequate ability or qualities". I worked with some badass female engineers, who were certainly skilled enough technically and socially to lead a team.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#126
post #87

> I think I was scared of what others might think of me as a new mother and CEO, maybe because of my own insecurities, maybe because of the societal norms ingrained in me. I see this so much from corporate career ladder focused women. People literally feeling guilty for wanting some aspect of motherhood, or going through some aspect of motherhood. (and then ironically apologizing about that, despite the core of their…

Personally, when I hear that a woman (or man) with kids is running a startup, I think "that kid isn't going to have the full attention of that parent..." Especially when I read stuff like: > I pressured myself into proving that I was as dedicated to PlanGrid as I always have been. I interpret that phrase as "...at the expense of dedication to my kid". I personally think it's okay to "be less dedicated" to work in ord…

ehhhh I don't think thats a distinction that you can reserve for people running startups

and being effective at an executive role at a startup or big company doesn't mean a child has to be neglected

sure thats what happens a lot, but its not intrinsically tied together

I do find it interesting that the patches to this in some developed countries - regarding paid and extended paternal leave (1 to 3 years, job guaranteed) - are incompatible with corporate growth, and those countries are specifically not known for being able to "move fast and break things". So although I would offer those patches for the American market, the rebuttals are too predictable.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#127
post #90

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Personally, when I hear that a woman (or man) with kids is running a startup, I think "that kid isn't going to have the full attention of that parent. So like, almost every startup ever.

I was under the impression that a lot of startups are run by single people with time to burn "toiling upward in the night" I recently read "Masters of Doom" because someone here recommended it, and both id software and ion storm were mainly run by single people working hellish 80-120 hour weeks. Technically John Romero had kids, but... early on in his startup he divorced in order to free up more time for making games…

I guess it depends on how you define a startup.

Many of the "cool" startups that make the tech press are made by kids fresh out of college, but IMO these are only a tiny fraction of actual startups created in the world every year.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#128

> On some days, I would park my car on a sleepy street in Palo Alto and pump milk with a silicone hand pump in front of someone’s nice house, reading profiles of the investors in my next meeting from my iPhone. Occasionally someone would drive up, or a jogger would run by, and I would feel completely humiliated. This is just a small bit of everything Tracy wrote. But I would love to see this stigma changed. There sho…

I mean, it's kind of on her if she felt humiliated. I feel embarrassed by things that no one notices and no cares about. But those feelings are a reflection of me, not society.

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#129
post #96
post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Personally, when I hear that a woman (or man) with kids is running a startup, I think "that kid isn't going to have the full attention of that parent..." Especially when I read stuff like: > I pressured myself into proving that I was as dedicated to PlanGrid as I always have been. I interpret that phrase as "...at the expense of dedication to my kid". I personally think it's okay to "be less dedicated" to work in ord…

You write "(or man)", but of course, it's not, really. My wife was asked in multiple interviews about her children and how she planned to care for them while working full-time. I've never even heard of a man being asked that. At any rate, someone else's child care arrangements are absolutely none of your business, and this isn't a reasonable point to make on this thread.

[deleted]

Re: Reflections on Being a Female Founder

#130
post #87

> I think I was scared of what others might think of me as a new mother and CEO, maybe because of my own insecurities, maybe because of the societal norms ingrained in me. I see this so much from corporate career ladder focused women. People literally feeling guilty for wanting some aspect of motherhood, or going through some aspect of motherhood. (and then ironically apologizing about that, despite the core of their…

Personally, when I hear that a woman (or man) with kids is running a startup, I think "that kid isn't going to have the full attention of that parent..." Especially when I read stuff like: > I pressured myself into proving that I was as dedicated to PlanGrid as I always have been. I interpret that phrase as "...at the expense of dedication to my kid". I personally think it's okay to "be less dedicated" to work in ord…

Kids don't actually demand that much time. It just turns out a lot of (Western) people spend tons of time with their kids, so we think they demand a lot of time. For example, I used to live in Africa and in the town where I lived, kids 2 and older were expected to look out after themselves. Regularly, a 4-year old would be asked to go get some bread from the store, or even cigarettes and beer. I think this is natural, and helps the kids develop and learn resilience.

Kids will be fine on their own, and I don't think it's a problem for both parents to work for full-time, on a start-up or otherwise. Society should have no problem with a 6 year old playing alone in a park, or walking to school, or whatever. See:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Good_enough_parent

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