Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

cbc.ca

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

181–190 of 324 posts

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#181

Post by throwaway_66786 »

nisa wrote: post #73

Words of warning from a not so young (36) chronic procrastinator with a rather messed up life: Take it seriously. I'm not talking about reading HN in your 7th work hour when doing stupid Excel sheets. I'm talking about messing up years and years of your life. I believe it's a symptom of some deeper issues and it won't go away from alone. Lack of sleep, stress, work overload, information overload amplify the effects b…

> I believe it's a symptom of some deeper issues and it won't go away from alone. [...] Simple things start to become complicated and you are in a constant negative feedback loop.

+1

I neglected this, thought that I could force myself to work, instead of seeking help. I did 100h weeks after all, I'd always get stuff done. I quit my job, started looking for more rewarding things to do, finally had time to do things right.

And, one day I ended up crying on the floor, hurting myself and spending 3 days on a task that was supposed to take 5-15 minutes. Then a simple coding exercise (2-3h) took me a week, because I couldn't focus, I couldn't accept any solutions because they weren't perfect. I ended up not sending my job application because I lost my shit, even speaking to the recruiter was too intimidating. The whole situation was ridiculous, surreal.

I felt embarrassed because I went throught some difficult (arguably waaay more stressful) situations when I was younger and just couldn't cope with the fact that at the age of 32 my brain gave up on a high school grade CS task. It still perplexes me.

> At the moment doing pomodoro and putting everything in kanban charts and devide&conquer seem to work somewhat. I don't really have any clever advice beyond that, it just sucks.

I'm not sure if you're the same but I used to hate routine. I'm learning to enjoy it now, because I realised that it allows me to deal with the previously neglected parts of my life (exercise, meditation, sleep, food) with less friction. I hate self-help books, but Atomic Habits was surprisingly helpful.

I'm still getting to the point where I enjoy things around me (instead of constantly solving problems), but I hope this will go when the lockdown ends.

I used to have much, much more control over myself. I feel that what I did to myself was reckless, because now keeping my emotional health at the level allowing me to work can be really hard.

I wish I was brought up to care about myself, because now even though I slowed down and made some changes in my life: 1) I don't feel like a better person 2) I'm not better to anyone around me. I'm just tired. I can find a nice 6-figure job, but can't guarantee that I'll be strong enough emotionally to support my partner. Please consider this a warning, so you don't end up like me. Making small changes and taking care of yourself is easier than damage control.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#182

Post by vfinn »

fsociety wrote: post #139

A lot of people talking about their struggles. I’m going to plug HealthyGamerGG and suggest people take a watch of this https://youtu.be/WQ5bkdFuFhg because it might help them. Basically he explains an equation that goes on in our head when we procrastinate and how to change that equation. This is done through a live therapy session with a Twitch streamer who struggles with laziness. I think this will help more than…

That was great, thanks. I've studied Buddhism a bit, but I feel like I learned something new by watching this :). This Dr was very articulate with his ideas, and I loved the honesty of the "troubled gamer".

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#183

Post by lostmyoldone »

nisa wrote: post #73

Words of warning from a not so young (36) chronic procrastinator with a rather messed up life: Take it seriously. I'm not talking about reading HN in your 7th work hour when doing stupid Excel sheets. I'm talking about messing up years and years of your life. I believe it's a symptom of some deeper issues and it won't go away from alone. Lack of sleep, stress, work overload, information overload amplify the effects b…

Tagging this on: If one is a chronic procrastinator and also find the idea that people doesn't think about something exactly all the time to be a very strange thought, it might be worth doing at least an initial evaluation for ADD.

ADD/ADHD-PI is kind of a terrible name, but procrastination and a mind that never rests is a combination that while not unique, is quite uncommon outside "ADD type" brains/people.

It's not that a diagnosis is going to solve all problems instantly, but it can help avoid depression, burnout, and various secondary issues.

For me personally, I would say it brought me back to life. That's why I encourage others, because there was almost nothing left of me when I finally got the help I needed, and maybe I can help someone else take the same step someone once helped me take!

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#184

Post by cgs »

zerkten wrote: post #178
ashtonkem wrote: post #172

At the risk of being a bad trope, if you’re struggling with the emotional half of things I would recommend therapy. Even if you don’t “discover” something traumatic in your past that explains everything, having someone to explain your feelings to often does wonders for your emotional well being in general. A lot of therapists will also specialize in procrastination, and may have extra strategies that help.

I highly recommend therapy. Generally, men in the US find it difficult to seek out help. Often they think it's a failing and avoid it, especially in the context of relationships. Therapy is something you could almost do for yourself, if you could work out the puzzle. Therapy can do wonders at breaking the initial problem and giving you some things you can work on. Therapists can also provide useful inputs for career…

I would also add to give it time and not give up after one or two sessions. It takes time to establish a relationship with a therapist you connect with and to see patterns in your life emerge.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#185

Post by lostmyoldone »

mywacaday wrote: post #90

I have had a weird relationship with procrastination, I find I get more appropriate work done when I'm exhausted. When I have no energy it will take all my concentration to stick to the job at hand but I do stick to it, when I have plenty of energy my monkey brain gets distracted easier. I've also found the the GTD technique of breaking items into smaller tasks, setting a next action and make sure the action starts w…

I got diagnosed with ADD in my late thirties, and by then I could only do the dishes and clean my apartment if I didn't sleep the night before. Since then, I've met several people with ADD/ADHD that has the same experience, and barely anyone else that have the same experience.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#186

Post by adrianmonk »

Tenoke wrote: post #37

>'Just get started'? If I could just get started then I wouldn't have a procrastination problem." I thought: fair enough. This never worked for me. I write one sentence or do the small task and then I go off and do something else. Perhaps it's due to my (bad) habit of context-switching but either way I've never benefited much from this approach despite often trying it.

It helps for me because starting neutralizes all the exaggerated ideas I had built up in my mind about how horrible it was going to be. When I start on a task, it usually turns out to be only mildly annoying rather than pure misery.

However, I think there is a huge trap with the just get started trick. Often, what is driving you to get started is guilt. If your only promise to yourself is that you will start, then starting alleviates the guilt. And then the motivation disappears.

One possible way around that is to commit to a little bit more. Instead of committing to just getting started, commit to doing a small but significant piece of the work.

Another idea is to just be aware that, if you do the bare minimum that counts as getting started, you're not really applying the method in good faith. Essentially you're just wasting your time by trying to game the system that you yourself created.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#187

Post by JoeAltmaier »

adrianmonk wrote: post #186
Tenoke wrote: post #37

>'Just get started'? If I could just get started then I wouldn't have a procrastination problem." I thought: fair enough. This never worked for me. I write one sentence or do the small task and then I go off and do something else. Perhaps it's due to my (bad) habit of context-switching but either way I've never benefited much from this approach despite often trying it.

It helps for me because starting neutralizes all the exaggerated ideas I had built up in my mind about how horrible it was going to be. When I start on a task, it usually turns out to be only mildly annoying rather than pure misery. However, I think there is a huge trap with the just get started trick. Often, what is driving you to get started is guilt. If your only promise to yourself is that you will start, then st…

Yes but once you're in the trap, you have to play the game.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#188

Post by lostmyoldone »

bserge wrote: post #118
TrackerFF wrote: post #3

Just want to say that if someone here truly has tried to overcome procrastination, but still fails, try to get screened for ADD/ADHD. Even though it's a condition that is also quite over diagnosed, it's simultaneously a condition that's underdiagnosed IMO - it really depends on where you're looking / sampling. A lot of kids fly under the radar, because they don't show any obvious signs, even more so those with ADD /…

It also gets progressively worse, adult AD(spectrum) can be life ruining. I wish it was more recognized and I wish it was easier to get medication/treatment. The side effects are nothing compared to half a life wasted.

Absolutely. The years in my life between when my daughter was ~ 7-11 I don't really remember at all, it's still quite painful to not really remember those years.

I was alive, but not really living. I could not get the simplest things done, only things that were fun or immediately rewarding, at times barely that. It reminded me of what people referred to as depression, but without much of anything that could actually be called depression, not without doing injustice to anyone who have ever suffered an actual depression.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#189

Post by dillonmckay »

mc32 wrote: post #27
melvinroest wrote: post #2

> Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert I love this tagline! I think this is as accurate as one can get about why we procrastinate, in one sentence. --- > What research has indicated across a wide variety of studies is that it is an emotion regulation situation. So CBT, meditation and similar things might help. I'd like to see studies on that. Hypothesis: emotion regulation…

“ > Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert” That makes sense for some procrastination, but other procrastination is laziness. Mopping the floor, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn types of procrastination... those are under your own purview and don’t involve big emotions or decisions... So I think it explains some kinds of procrastination but not all.

Taking out the trash is easy, but mopping, that is a process.

Re: Procrastination is driven by our desire to avoid difficult emotions, says expert

#190

Post by dillonmckay »

jimmydddd wrote: post #152
slavik81 wrote: post #48

Earlier quoted context omitted.

When you procrastinate on mopping the floor or mowing the lawn, you're making a choice to live with dirtier floors or longer grass in exchange for more time to spend on other things. Some of that work actually goes away forever when you procrastinate. It's not like you mow the grass twice to make up for missing a week! Perhaps the difficult emotion that 'lazy' people are avoiding is admitting to themselves that they'…

The worst thing is when you put something off, like a project at work, and then it gets cancelled. That's the type of positive reinforcement that leads to even more procrastiantion. :-)

Sometimes the best action is inaction?
Post reply on HN