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Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

reuters.com

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Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#581

Post by [deleted] »

koonsolo wrote: post #544
downerending wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've noticed this among the young men in my extended family and friends. One guy is model cute, and goes out on Tinder "dates" whenever he wants (new girl weekly, at least). He had a live-in girlfriend, but with an open relationship. And if I were one of these women, I'd probably do the same thing. Even if you can't marry a hottie, if you can have sex with one a few times, that still sounds like fun. The other guys,…

> And if I were one of these women, I'd probably do the same thing. My wife works with men and women who have a hard time finding relationships, so I have a bit of insight here. You are completely wrong about what women want. You think that women are the same as men, but you are wrong. Women do not want a 'hottie'. I can tell you those women who go out with that 'hottie' have no self esteem, and are not happy. They e…

[deleted]

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#582

Post by rasz »

88840-8855 wrote: post #266
Vysero wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am not sure I can buy this. Most "hot" guys aren't going to sleep with ugly girls just because the can. Perhaps the OP's answer does not hinge upon that concept, but it certainly seems relevant. I think the issue is much more complex than this, and has far more to do with male insecurity than anything else.

My best female friend is ugly. She is writing to model-like guys on instagram, visiting them and is having sex with them. EVERY SINGLE TIME they never text her back, she still falls in love with them and is heart-broken for 2-3 weeks. This has become already pathological. She has done therapy and still falls into depression again. The only thing she can do: find hot 10/10 model guys that jet around the world for thei…

Let me guess, if only she could see past the physical attributes, and notice what a treasure you are ....

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#583

Post by jeffreyrogers »

klmadfejno wrote: post #560
jeffreyrogers wrote: post #357

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is exactly what you would expect if the OP's hypothesis is correct. 3 partners really isn't that many. The study should have looked at something like 0, 1-5, 5-19, 20-99, 100+ or something like that. It is not capturing the top end at all.

This is only true if you believe the people who used to be getting 3+ are now getting 0. This is unlikely to be the case because we don't see the number of people with exactly 2 partners going down.

If some of the 3+ people move to 2 and some of the 2s move to 1s or 0s, then you would see the same exact thing.

The data in the study you linked to its entirely consistent with what the OP suggested. We need to know what is happening at the tails to determine whether what you're claiming or what the OP is claiming is true. However, OP has a lot of anecdotal evidence in their favor. The study only provides data for the left tail of the distribution, but we need to see the right tail to know the full story. You could be right, but the OP's hypothesis is also supported by the data.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#584

Post by mydongle »

88840-8855 wrote: post #266
Vysero wrote: post #165

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am not sure I can buy this. Most "hot" guys aren't going to sleep with ugly girls just because the can. Perhaps the OP's answer does not hinge upon that concept, but it certainly seems relevant. I think the issue is much more complex than this, and has far more to do with male insecurity than anything else.

My best female friend is ugly. She is writing to model-like guys on instagram, visiting them and is having sex with them. EVERY SINGLE TIME they never text her back, she still falls in love with them and is heart-broken for 2-3 weeks. This has become already pathological. She has done therapy and still falls into depression again. The only thing she can do: find hot 10/10 model guys that jet around the world for thei…

Why are you blaming the guys? She made her bed and she has to sleep in it.

She has free will. You are not giving her the credit she deserves as a free woman in the modern world.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#585

Post by monocasa »

ironmagma wrote: post #201
monocasa wrote: post #127

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Or a single's meetup, or the coffee shop, or running into someone at the same aisle of the bookstore, or smiling at someone at the park... The core here is that you don't mix sexual propositions and the (even potential future) power relationships inherent with work for pay.

Sure, but we have always had those avenues, and the bookstore example is quite outdated as well. The fact remains that if you remove a significant portion of the places where couples used to meet (work), you will see less romance happening. So far we haven’t created any new revolutionary third place to go meet each other, so this will be unlikely to change without a reversal of the attitude, which I suspect we’ll see…

Right, you had previous avenues, and you continue to as well. It's the contexts where someone could feel like their career success could be predicated on sexual capitulation that is increasingly off limits.

Also, the bookstore analogy isn't that dated, gen z and millennials are bringing bookstores back. https://www.ingramcontent.com/blog/millennials-have-a-passio...

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#586

Post by Gibbon1 »

codezero wrote: post #510
Gibbon1 wrote: post #476

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Women would rather not be poor.

How is that different than men?

I don't want to be poor either. It's not that avarice is what motivates most women. They'd rather be happy with someone who is there for them than rich and lonely. But as a practical matter poverty sucks too.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#587

Post by joelbluminator »

newguy1234 wrote: post #418
joelbluminator wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most women are people just like you, they want a real relationship and want love. I know it's shocking, but they're not all after sleeping with muscular wealthy men any more than you are with sleeping with an 18 year old blonde with huge breasts. Stop being so superficial and start looking at women as real people.

Would it be news to you that most men want to have sex with women they seen as attractive? The characteristics are clear from biological studies - skinny, signs of youth, signs of femininity etc. Blonde hair is a sign of youthfulness that's why men are attracted to women with that hair type.

People give personality a very big factor, sure not all people but most do. Especially women. Then they also care about your education and status, which is at least somewhat up to you and not 100% biologically pre determined. Seems like some guys in this thread don't want to believe its true because it puts the burden on them to grow into something.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#588

Post by electricviolet »

deathgrips wrote: post #538
electricviolet wrote: post #298

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Have you considered that those who prefer monogamy and those who prefer sleeping around / being a "slut" simply have different personalities? Just because your monogamous friends are happy and fulfilled doesn't mean your slutty friends would be happy if they lived the same way. Humans are varied.

>Just because your monogamous friends are happy and fulfilled doesn't mean your slutty friends would be happy if they lived the same way. This isn't backed up by research which seems to suggest that the more sexual partners you have, the worse your relationships are in practically every dimension.

Do you have any specific citations?

This is an area where it's very difficult to show cause and effect (since you can't exactly do a randomized controlled trial) so I would be skeptical about drawing conclusions that lowered relationship quality is caused by having more partners.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#589

Post by api »

Mizza wrote: post #161
api wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Making the world flat and hyper-connected seems as if it leads to a winner-take-all outcome. Example: putting commerce online created the Amazon monopoly. It's easier than ever to buy from any store you want online, but paradoxically everyone goes to Amazon. This is mostly because everyone goes to Amazon, therefore virtually any product is available there. Only niche products require you to shop elsewhere. So we've p…

I think your last point is absolutely the central paradox of global society. The goal seems pretty clear: brutual transnational neofeudal capitalism with a happy, politically correct face becomes the default universal position that defines the dynamics which subcommunities allowed within that framework interact - eventually, the whole planet becomes California.

Minus the California quip, I don't totally disagree. Globalism as implemented is turning out very different from what anyone hoped.

Returning to the sexuality issue, I do think there's more than one thing at work here. I think the narrowing of male sexual options has multiple causes: economic strain, easier "shopping" when dating, easy access to porn that distorts peoples' ideas of what sex is actually like, and men growing up under-socialized.

I see the latter a lot in the incel phenomenon. I literally saw a comment once to the effect that "real women are nothing like they are in Anime." So these guys are disappointed that women are not like cartoons. That's insane.

Also didn't mean to suggest that narrowing of dating is "womens' fault" any more than the triumph of Amazon in the shopping space is the "fault" of consumers. What we're seeing here are emergent behaviors in a complex system. Nobody planned this and nobody is really even choosing it. I don't shop at Amazon because I want them to be the CHOAM company from Dune. I shop at Amazon because its convenient.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#590

Post by seppel »

michaelmrose wrote: post #515
onetimeusename wrote: post #498

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That still is hypergamy. You are just stating that women have preferences. That is exactly what hypergamy means. That women have preferences that suit their own tastes. That is their prerogative. What is not true though is that this is entirely an economic problem. If it were entirely economic, then why did sexual activity decrease for men but not women? Is that because men gave up? Are men disproportionately likely…

It disproportionately effects men because it's much more acceptable for a lower status women who is at least somewhat physically attractive to set up shop in a higher status man's life than vice versa. Furthermore men value youth far more than women do so a only moderately physically gifted 20 year old might be valued over her counterpart a dozen years older and twice as well off herself. Young poor females are in a…

> It disproportionately effects men because it's much more acceptable for a lower status women who is at least somewhat physically attractive to set up shop in a higher status man's life than vice versa.

But it doesnt add up. Given that most relations are monogamous, both have as much sex as the other in a relation. So you either need a very high relationship turnover rate or sex outside of the relation to have this sex imbalance between genders.

Or maybe you need a very high age difference.

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