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Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

reuters.com

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Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#391

Post by michaelmrose »

tharne wrote: post #12

They buried the lede here. > Sexual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women, along with no notable decline among gay men, researchers reported. Basically sex is following the pattern of wealth. Men as a group aren't having less sex, instead there's a winner take all effect where a small number of men are having a lot of sex with a lot of women while a large number of men are having little to no sex. It'l…

The incel theory that 10-20% of the men are having sex with 80% of the females is not supported or even contemplated by this study. I don't come to hacker news to read about hypergammy or Chad even if people use different words.

I don't think this entire discussion belongs on this site.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#392

Post by Mizza »

electricviolet wrote: post #298
Mizza wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Incels call this "hypergamy": https://incels.wiki/images/thumb/c/c8/C57f84720fff59cf295616... Although misogynistic incels are obviously abhorrent, I believe that they're probably right in their assessment of their own social status. It just seems like rather than trying to better themselves, they turn it into outward hatred. I've also seen calls by right-wing thought leaders for "enforced monogamy," which obviously…

Have you considered that those who prefer monogamy and those who prefer sleeping around / being a "slut" simply have different personalities? Just because your monogamous friends are happy and fulfilled doesn't mean your slutty friends would be happy if they lived the same way. Humans are varied.

Of course, I'm only speaking from my own experience, but I've seen what's being described here in real life. There are big winners and big losers.

Talking to my Tindersex-addicted friend about his behavior - which has been very destructive to his own life - he believes that it comes from a place of trauma as a coping mechanism, not simply a lifestyle preference. In a similar vein, many women I know who only had uncommitted relationships in their twenties are now in their mid 30s and interested in settling down but are having extreme difficulties in finding a partner.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#393

Post by dogma1138 »

nicoburns wrote: post #310
dogma1138 wrote: post #263

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don’t think that settling down with someone that isn’t sexually attracted to you enough is a recipe for a healthy relationship. On the plus side if you’re in your early 30’s and economically stable and well enough off for your area your get to experience life on easy mode. I got to experience that after my last brake up before I got fed up and went for something more stable and it was really an eye opening experien…

Isn't sexually attracted to you upon first meeting doesn't mean that they're not sexually attracted to you in the relationship.

While it might be true, I’ve seen too many cases of infidelity and or dead bedrooms with relationships that didn’t had the former.

Also speaking from my own experience while I’ve experienced finding women more attractive as I got to know them better it wasn’t the same type of an attraction, as it wasn’t sexual but rather more complex in terms of seeing long term future possibilities and wanting to share experiences with them in order to enrich my own life, but it never really affected how physically attractive I found them.

Maybe I’m different, maybe men are different in general but at least for me I won’t settle for someone that doesn’t want to jump me or that I wouldn’t want to jump them to me it seems unnatural.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#394

Post by tonystubblebine »

troughway wrote: post #390
tonystubblebine wrote: post #175

There are two coaching perspectives that I think are useful for single men. We don't have many dating coaches in the coaching community I run, but I've been in long conversations with coaches outside that community whose job it is to help men date. One perspective is that it's almost always faster to focus on being more interested rather than more interesting. That means focusing on status and alpha male activities i…

>Whereas treating women like people, looking them in the eyes, listening, being curious, trying to find ways to relate--these can be very effective. In other words, in sex and in business, being a good salesman is key.

And it has the exact same misunderstanding where the naive stereotype of a good salesman is very different than the reality.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#395

Post by bradlys »

Jommi wrote: post #341
bradlys wrote: post #236

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ultimately, it usually means you're not that desirable - just reliable. Almost everyone wants to be desirable.

What? Cant reliability be a desirable attribute?

It can. But is reliability really the #1 attribute for people out there? Most people want a partner who excites them and who makes them happy. If they're unreliable then that can be a problem but usually a very desirable person has reliability in addition to everything else. When you're settling - you're usually settling for someone who is at least reliable but isn't very exciting.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#396

Post by bjourne »

wutbrodo wrote: post #128
vsareto wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's not really a powder keg because we really don't suffer as a society if the excluded men don't get to have kids.

That's not how it's worked out in any society where family formation has been limited for large numbers of young men. The research on the calming effect of family formation on young men is very straightforward: when a population of young men doesn't have the opportunity to form families, _they_ become the powder keg. It's true at multiple scales, from individual criminality to societal unrest.

The theory has not borne out in reality. Japan and China are the countries with the most young incels/sexless men/male virgins per capita are among the most peaceful in the world. It's a good theory, sexual frustration => violence, but it's just not happening.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#397

Post by mc32 »

troughway wrote: post #370
mc32 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

So it’s really really a problem in Japan and to a lesser extent Singapore and SKorea, but there is a whole generation of guys who’re just not getting any and have little interest in getting any at all. And at least in Japan there is a weird subculture of something I’d call “adult play dates” where you pay for someone to feign interest in you —I don’t even know what the purpose of that is.

>And at least in Japan there is a weird subculture of something I’d call “adult play dates” where you pay for someone to feign interest in you —I don’t even know what the purpose of that is. Welcome to OnlyFans.

True, true, but these play dates are in person. It’s kind of like a strip club but without the nudity. It’s implied that the person you pay will show fake interest and you set up subsequent dates knowing there is no real interest.

So it’s kind of like a strip-club + wannabe shrink + palm reader mashup.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#398

Post by Nav_Panel »

abeppu wrote: post #187

People in this thread are talking a lot about the availability of non-sex ways to spend attention (porn, social media, netflix), and of loosely power-law effects where a small number of men can have a lot of sex because of good looks and money. What about the other economic factors? - aren't more young people in living situations with greater sharing and less privacy than 20 years ago? - given the relative stagnation…

Yes. I think many people are missing the point, which is that all these failures of intimacy are downstream from failures of community, of sociality in general (cf. "Bowling Alone").

Our culture has shifted further toward valuing the individual over the group, which means that many individuals no longer have recourse to a group in order to find partners, friends, etc. Men are not just "not having sex", they are lonely, in a rather unprecedented way.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#399

Post by throw51319 »

seppel wrote: post #58

This article awkwardly dances around reasons why young men have less sex. First it is "social media and electronic gaming", then the reasons "may also include stress of juggling work and intimate relationships, as well as the prevalence of other forms of solo entertainment." But then, they notice that "[s]exual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women, along with no notable decline among gay men, research…

The mainstream thought/media is probably 5-10 years behind certain spheres of thought on the web, and it's hilarious.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#400

Post by watwut »

whytaka wrote: post #358
watwut wrote: post #311

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would be scared to date them. Dating partner that angry when denied what he wants means you will get abused, either verbally or physically and likely both. And given strength difference between women and men, it is safer to be alone then with someone who is into outrage at 24 for not having partner yet.

I think people become more human the more you treat them as humans that can grow. If you see others through the lens of risk assessment, you'll surely see lots of risk.

Yeah, but I can treat people as human without putting myself in danger. I can treat a guy as human without entering romantic relationship.

Romantic relationships don't cure anger nor violence. But, women who believe so are the typical domestic abuse victim. They date guys thinking they will change them and blaming themselves for abuse.

I mean, abuse is a real thing (and both genders do abuse). But someone who can get so angry and is physically stronger is double bad news.

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