Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows • Hacker News Board

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#231

Post by cosmodisk » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:55 PM UTC

cambalache wrote: post #90

eigenvalue wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is exactly right. Apps like Tinder that normalized online "dating" (before the apps it was much less common among younger people) have allowed the "apex predator" men with good jobs/looks/personalities to have sex on demand with virtually unlimited numbers of women. This has also been made possible because a lot more women are now willing to be in non-exclusive sexual relationships at the beginning when…

> believe many of these men will eventually find someone once enough of the women who are now rejecting them face biological realities and are forced to settle if they want to have children. Who wants to be last choice? Maybe many of these men will wise up and marry a foreign girl(despite the usual shaming) or just hire sexual workers.

Things move faster in women world: in their 20s they run the show and a lot of average or above average men get rejected/ignored. In their 30s, the situation changes cardinally,as a lot of top candidates are already in relationships/married/kids,etc. So now most of those left behind moved on a bit,got better jobs,higher income,some even hit the gym,and so on. So now they are the ones who are choosing and all of sudden,a lot of women don't cut it anymore. This becomes substantially more difficult in their 40s,50s,60s. Just a couple of days ago was reading an article,where a good looking( for her age), 59 years old woman couldn't get even a decent date,as all the guys were essentially not good enough ( a fat belly, bad,teeth,no desire for sex,etc.) However,one commenter made a good point about it: I am a wealthy,good looking man in 60s, and naturally,I'm only interested in 20-30 year olds...

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#232

Post by bjl » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:55 PM UTC

thewarrior wrote: post #167

malcolmgreaves wrote: post #112

A lot of guys are complaining in the thread, with undertones of an expectation of sex Most likely reason I see that would cause this data: the immense social pressure applied to straight women has lessened in the 21st century. A straight woman won't be ostricized at 25 if they don't "have a man." The data suggests that young straight men aren't having as much sex. I postulate that the only reason is that straight men…

But the data also shows that for women the figure is unchanged.

Because the men that are willing to put in the effort are still having sex. Its not hard for a man to become attractive: eat right, exercise often, groom regularly, dress well, develop a compelling personality, cultivate relationships with interesting people. The fact that people who don't even try aren't able to have sex doesn't seem surprising (or bad).

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#233

Post by monkeyfacebag » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:55 PM UTC

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

I feel like I'm missing something here. If you're in the top 3-5% of men, why are you sleeping with the bottom 50% (or lower) of women?

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#234

Post by tonystubblebine » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:55 PM UTC

malcolmgreaves wrote: post #112

A lot of guys are complaining in the thread, with undertones of an expectation of sex Most likely reason I see that would cause this data: the immense social pressure applied to straight women has lessened in the 21st century. A straight woman won't be ostricized at 25 if they don't "have a man." The data suggests that young straight men aren't having as much sex. I postulate that the only reason is that straight men…

I'm liking where Malcolm is going. So much of the talk in this thread is defeatist, like if some other guy has you beat in terms of wealth or looks then you have no chance.

But that way of thinking makes it really hard to solve the problem for yourself if that's what you're interested in.

So as I read your note, empowered straight women have some basic standards and they are finding that they have more freedom finally to hold out for those standards.

But these standards are probably not all that difficult for men to attain and so why aren't men talking more about just doing that work?

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#235

Post by vsareto » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:55 PM UTC

notyourday wrote: post #215

downerending wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've noticed this among the young men in my extended family and friends. One guy is model cute, and goes out on Tinder "dates" whenever he wants (new girl weekly, at least). He had a live-in girlfriend, but with an open relationship. And if I were one of these women, I'd probably do the same thing. Even if you can't marry a hottie, if you can have sex with one a few times, that still sounds like fun. The other guys,…

> Instead, video games and pot. If their free time is about video games and pot, I would say they only have themselves to blame.

There's women who do that too, it's just the connection is missing

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#236

Post by bradlys » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:56 PM UTC

cortesoft wrote: post #196

csharptwdec19 wrote: post #166

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It is these men who are having all the sex. Seems like a powder keg over time as the excluded men become bitter and forced to postpone getting married and starting a family. I believe many of these men will eventually find someone once enough of the women who are now rejecting them face biological realities and are forced to settle if they want to have children. Yep. The problems will be generational. On one hand y…

> any relationship they find will be tainted by knowing they weren't good enough to party with but good enough to marry. I am confused by this.... I would feel much better about myself knowing I was the one good enough to marry rather than the one who was only good enough to party with.

Ultimately, it usually means you're not that desirable - just reliable.

Almost everyone wants to be desirable.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#237

Post by downerending » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:56 PM UTC

ikeyany wrote: post #133

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

The sexual revolution was about freedom and bodily autonomy: your existence is about more than being a sexual plaything. You can be a doctor, a professor, a factory worker, or a housewife. But the most important part is having the power to make that decision for yourself. > If I said the above out in the open I would lose my job Erm no, not quite. Maybe this part: > the sexual revolution was never about free love or…

No, they shouldn't. But, it appears that everyone exercising what we think of as their deserved rights appears to be taking us to a situation pretty much all of us dislike.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#238

Post by majormajor » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:56 PM UTC

vsareto wrote: post #190

wutbrodo wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's not how it's worked out in any society where family formation has been limited for large numbers of young men. The research on the calming effect of family formation on young men is very straightforward: when a population of young men doesn't have the opportunity to form families, _they_ become the powder keg. It's true at multiple scales, from individual criminality to societal unrest.

So, "give us families, or we'll do crime and destabilize society"? Sounds like mental health problems are even more rampant than we guessed. We should probably handle that.

Same reason there's a social financial safety net, no? Just boiled down to the most crude phrasing.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#239

Post by ravenstine » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:56 PM UTC

jungletime wrote: post #202

Obesity kills sex drive for both sexes, in many different ways. Most people don't like snoring whales in their bedroom with heart problems. I also suspect the typical advice of hitting the gym, for men, results in bulking, and is not that attractive to women either. Since it doesn't result in tall and slender, a typical preference, most of the time. What does work, just from comparing to Europe, is consistently walki…

With the obesity rate going up, I imagine there's a proportional decrease in overall attraction which could explain some of what we're seeing. (obviously not all of it)

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#240

Post by corpMaverick » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:57 PM UTC

CameronNemo wrote: post #119

fuddlecarrion wrote: post #7

Is it a problem? People don't need to be having sex. As long as people are happy.

People need to feel close to others around them. Not just by texting, talking on the phone, and video chatting. But actual physical acts of love. People who do not receive hugs are statistically more likely to be unhappy and otherwise mentally unhealthy. https://www.healthline.com/health/hugging-benefits So yes, sex is not a necessity. But physical intimacy of some form certainly is.

Furthermore, intimacy among men is generally avoided.