Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows • Hacker News Board

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#201

Post by ironmagma » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

monocasa wrote: post #127

ironmagma wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Buy into a closed, preferential application platform in order to find a mate, or else restrict yourself to people who would spend time at a club? With a system that restrictive and bar-lowering, it’s little wonder people aren’t having much luck.

Or a single's meetup, or the coffee shop, or running into someone at the same aisle of the bookstore, or smiling at someone at the park... The core here is that you don't mix sexual propositions and the (even potential future) power relationships inherent with work for pay.

Sure, but we have always had those avenues, and the bookstore example is quite outdated as well. The fact remains that if you remove a significant portion of the places where couples used to meet (work), you will see less romance happening. So far we haven’t created any new revolutionary third place to go meet each other, so this will be unlikely to change without a reversal of the attitude, which I suspect we’ll see within 20 years when people realize it’s not working.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#202

Post by jungletime » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

Obesity kills sex drive for both sexes, in many different ways. Most people don't like snoring whales in their bedroom with heart problems.

I also suspect the typical advice of hitting the gym, for men, results in bulking, and is not that attractive to women either. Since it doesn't result in tall and slender, a typical preference, most of the time.

What does work, just from comparing to Europe, is consistently walking everyday for long distances and dressing nice.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#203

Post by CoolGuySteve » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:51 PM UTC

tenebrisalietum wrote: post #102

eigenvalue wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is exactly right. Apps like Tinder that normalized online "dating" (before the apps it was much less common among younger people) have allowed the "apex predator" men with good jobs/looks/personalities to have sex on demand with virtually unlimited numbers of women. This has also been made possible because a lot more women are now willing to be in non-exclusive sexual relationships at the beginning when…

> getting married and starting a family This assumes people really want to do that. Children are too expensive unless you have a lot of resources already. I think if costs of basic living keep increasing the future is increasingly childless for many people.

The four biggest expenses for childcare are medical care, daycare, university, and housing.

It's harder to compare housing but fertility rates are declining even in countries with free/cheap healthcare, daycare, and university.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#204

Post by codingslave » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:51 PM UTC

ikeyany wrote: post #133

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

The sexual revolution was about freedom and bodily autonomy: your existence is about more than being a sexual plaything. You can be a doctor, a professor, a factory worker, or a housewife. But the most important part is having the power to make that decision for yourself. > If I said the above out in the open I would lose my job Erm no, not quite. Maybe this part: > the sexual revolution was never about free love or…

Read my edit. There were reasons for societies to be sexually conservative. It wasnt random and it wasnt just on the whim of oppressive men.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#205

Post by bronco21016 » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:52 PM UTC

changoplatanero wrote: post #117

zerr wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why is it not the other way around? i.e. rich females getting a lot of males.

men don't care how wealthy their sex partners are

I’d even argue it goes in the other direction to a degree. I’ve witnessed many relationships where the woman makes more money and it creates tension. Obviously, not in all cases but It does happen.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#206

Post by antidaily » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:52 PM UTC

slothtrop wrote: post #80

antidaily wrote: post #44

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Porn on the internet has existed since the internet has existed.

It wasn't always so easily accessible and in such vast quantities. Downstream was slow, there was that wild west time of p2p in the late 90s-00s where you never really knew what you'd get. Now it's ridiculously pervasive.

It was always easily accessible and downloaded fast enough. But ok, let's say it took a minute to download a 150kb image of porn. Did that stop anyone? No. But I do think a comment you made above is correct -- people are more sedentary. Especially young men. So they possibly seek porn out more often just out of boredom.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#207

Post by ravenstine » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:52 PM UTC

tenebrisalietum wrote: post #102

eigenvalue wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is exactly right. Apps like Tinder that normalized online "dating" (before the apps it was much less common among younger people) have allowed the "apex predator" men with good jobs/looks/personalities to have sex on demand with virtually unlimited numbers of women. This has also been made possible because a lot more women are now willing to be in non-exclusive sexual relationships at the beginning when…

> getting married and starting a family This assumes people really want to do that. Children are too expensive unless you have a lot of resources already. I think if costs of basic living keep increasing the future is increasingly childless for many people.

I'm 30, and I only know one person in my peer group whom owns a home, and he can only afford it because it's way out in the boonies. If people my age find things like home ownership out of reach, having children becomes a roadblock and therefore becomes undesirable.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#208

Post by tartoran » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:52 PM UTC

I think the ubuquity in porn is a big one here. If men got horny and didn’t have a way to get off they’d quicly find a partner, even if that means lowering of the perceived standard in a potential sex partner.

Also, the fact that we’re communicating less in person may have some impact as well.

As someone suggested that affluent men get everything and the rest don’t get anything has some truth to it but it doesn’t explain the whole picture. There are women who are not attracted to wealth and who seek a genuine connection - a connection they refuse to have to someone playing video games for 8 hours a day. No disrespect for avid gamers but i think they’re missing a big part of life

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#209

Post by sebwi » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:52 PM UTC

seppel wrote: post #58

This article awkwardly dances around reasons why young men have less sex. First it is "social media and electronic gaming", then the reasons "may also include stress of juggling work and intimate relationships, as well as the prevalence of other forms of solo entertainment." But then, they notice that "[s]exual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women, along with no notable decline among gay men, research…

Well, I guess they theorize that in stable relationships, men are more likely to have sex. If forming relationships gets more difficult, the majority of men have less sex. I'm not sure if the argument is actually valid but from a historical perspective I can understand the thought process.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#210

Post by codingslave » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:52 PM UTC

derrick_jensen wrote: post #122

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

That's similar to saying that technology isn't about liberating the worker, but rendering most of the work force obsolete and only hiring the top 20% of performers. Your freedom does not compel anybody to be in a relationship with you, just like your freedom does not require somebody to hire you. I agree that there are larger societal changes at play, but saying this isn't strictly more free than before isn't paintin…

Its a zero sum game. When one side wins, the other side loses. Sexual freedom for women means essentially no sex for alot of men.