Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows • Hacker News Board

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#191

Post by wayoutthere » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

deathgrips wrote: post #147

vzidex wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> instead there's a winner take all effect where a small number of men are having a lot of sex with a lot of women If true, I wonder how much of that is due to self-selection by men who aren't having sex. Having once upon a time been lonely and bitter, I know that men often end up in positive feedback loops that strengthen their not having sexual partners - due to the attitudes they develop towards women.

Regardless of the real quantity, society will blame all sexless men for their lack of sex because to acknowledge any other reality would mean that something is wrong with how we are dating.

App dating doesn’t work well for a whole lot of people — it‘s really bad if you’re fat, trans, disabled, or even just socially awkward. App culture is about looking for a reason to swipe left rather than finding someone you like and accepting their flaws. It sucks for everyone, it’s just easier for straight cis women under 35 who are able-bodied and of a certain size to get laid.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#192

Post by codingslave » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

Vysero wrote: post #165

codingslave wrote: post #50

This is a widespread societal change that I think most people are completely unaware of. The majority of women are sleeping with the top 10% of men, sometimes only the top 3-5%, with the rest barely getting any at all. the sexual revolution was never about free love or sexual freedom, it was about womens rights to sleep with the few men they are all attracted to. The lower 80% of men instead saw their sexual freedom…

I am not sure I can buy this. Most "hot" guys aren't going to sleep with ugly girls just because the can. Perhaps the OP's answer does not hinge upon that concept, but it certainly seems relevant. I think the issue is much more complex than this, and has far more to do with male insecurity than anything else.

Its really this simple. Its the two universe thing, if you haven't experienced how easy it is for some men to get women, then you cant understand it. I spent my whole 20s doing this, this was my identity. I'm not even proud of it, its just what it is

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#193

Post by malcolmgreaves » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

Vysero wrote: post #47

It's become harder to approach women. Based on my experience, they are far more likely this day in age to reject you than ever before. That coupled with the constant barrage men receive on the sexual misconduct front coupled with the notion that women only want exceedingly wealthy, attractive, muscular men makes it very easy for men to slink away into their rooms after work, and play video games all night rather than…

Men don't receive a constant barrage of sexual misconduct. Where did you get this idea?

There's countless data and evidence showing instutionalozed sexual discrimination from men against women. If you want an enlighting read as it pertains to tech, read Brotopia. Or read about how Uber only bought leather jackets for it's men SREs and explicitly chose to not buy the same jacket for their women SREs.

Or simply ask any woman about an instance where a man pressured her for some sexual act. Or made them feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Or where a male boss of theirs made sexually discriminatory or otherwise hostile remarks against them in a workplace (dismissing a woman's perspective on a topic definitely counts here).

And really - where is your perspective that "women only want exceedingly wealthy, attractive, muscular men" come from? Listen to straight women when you ask them or read what they wrote on what they want in a romantic partner. I am pretty sure this idea you have isn't actually reflective of what women want, at all. This really reads as what a straight man thinks a woman wants.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#194

Post by vzidex » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:49 PM UTC

mmsimanga wrote: post #87

vzidex wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Young man here. "Ladies first" is flat out weird to me, the only time I ever use it is jokingly with my girlfriend, sisters, or close female friends. I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to call it sexist, but it's an odd thing to say for sure.

I am curious, as you approach a door with a woman, do you open the door for her and let her through first or it's a matter of who get to the door first goes first? Is it saying the words that is weird or the action of letting ladies go first that is weird? I am in my forties and let the ladies go first.

Echoing what bobthepanda also replied - I hold the door open for _everyone_ when it makes sense for me to do so. It becomes weird when you specifically do it for women, or say words indicating that you're doing it because she's a woman - it comes across as patronizing, in my opinion.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#195

Post by LordFast » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

NickM wrote: post #176

dundarious wrote: post #143

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It seems pretty clearly targeted at the insecurities of incels, what with your, 10% or perhaps 3-5%, comments - all based on your anecdotal experiences with your own two eyes.

Yes, I was going to comment something similar. "The majority of women" is clearly not the same as "the women you've personally witnessed hooking up with your friends at bars in NYC".

One thing that seems clear is that the hyper-connected world makes the minority look like the majority, and vice versa.

In all aspects of society.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#196

Post by cortesoft » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

csharptwdec19 wrote: post #166

eigenvalue wrote: post #43

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think this is exactly right. Apps like Tinder that normalized online "dating" (before the apps it was much less common among younger people) have allowed the "apex predator" men with good jobs/looks/personalities to have sex on demand with virtually unlimited numbers of women. This has also been made possible because a lot more women are now willing to be in non-exclusive sexual relationships at the beginning when…

> It is these men who are having all the sex. Seems like a powder keg over time as the excluded men become bitter and forced to postpone getting married and starting a family. I believe many of these men will eventually find someone once enough of the women who are now rejecting them face biological realities and are forced to settle if they want to have children. Yep. The problems will be generational. On one hand y…

> any relationship they find will be tainted by knowing they weren't good enough to party with but good enough to marry.

I am confused by this.... I would feel much better about myself knowing I was the one good enough to marry rather than the one who was only good enough to party with.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#197

Post by Mizza » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

ponker wrote: post #139

Mizza wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Incels call this "hypergamy": https://incels.wiki/images/thumb/c/c8/C57f84720fff59cf295616... Although misogynistic incels are obviously abhorrent, I believe that they're probably right in their assessment of their own social status. It just seems like rather than trying to better themselves, they turn it into outward hatred. I've also seen calls by right-wing thought leaders for "enforced monogamy," which obviously…

If sex and wealth are both things that are desired by people and unequally distributed, then “sex redistribution” will likely becomes a political concept the way that wealth redistribution is today.

Bizarre as it seems, this has already been a topic of political discussion:

https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/02/opinion/incels-sex-robots...

http://www.overcomingbias.com/2018/04/two-types-of-envy.html

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/a20138446/redistributi...

It has become a genuine struggle to separate reality and parody.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#198

Post by empthought » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

mmsimanga wrote: post #87

vzidex wrote: post #14

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Young man here. "Ladies first" is flat out weird to me, the only time I ever use it is jokingly with my girlfriend, sisters, or close female friends. I'm not sure if I'd go so far as to call it sexist, but it's an odd thing to say for sure.

I am curious, as you approach a door with a woman, do you open the door for her and let her through first or it's a matter of who get to the door first goes first? Is it saying the words that is weird or the action of letting ladies go first that is weird? I am in my forties and let the ladies go first.

The person who holds the door is the one that arrives first, or has a more convenient angle on holding the door open.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#199

Post by doorstar » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

> The survey found that from 2000 to 2018, nearly one in three U.S. men aged 18 to 24 reported no sexual activity in the past year.

> Sexual activity was largely unchanged among unmarried women

The first reason that occurs to me is that women are showing more of preference for monogamous relationships. Perhaps the 'hookup' culture is starting to lose it's appeal. I find it a bit stomach-churning that we are presented below with

> Given a preference for men of higher socioeconomic status

Which has no references and feeds into a very unpleasant stereotype. Particularly with the followup

> larger number of college-educated women than men

Why not say that women prefer men with a matching socioeconomic status? It moves the implication from "gold-digger" to "seeking equal partner".

> The trend is concerning as sexual relationships are important for well-being and health, researchers note.

Sexual relationships also have a lot of downsides and negative impacts on well-being and health. If this outcome of this study was "men are having fewer healthy relationships" it might be more useful. Without that distinction, you could conclude men need more one night stands. That may be true - but if ( many ) women aren't interested then it is what it is.

Re: Young U.S. men having a lot less sex in the 21st century, study shows

#200

Post by aswanson » Fri, Jun 12, 2020, 7:50 PM UTC

kelvin0 wrote: post #9

I wonder how much of an impact the pervasive availability of digital pornography has on this.

There are studies out showing that pervasive pornography usage by young males is causing impotence at an incredible rate for their age cohort (teens through 20s). It's literally rewiring their brains to want false stimulation more than the real thing.