One of my biggest problems is with #18. I don't know any social places that are 'comfortable' to me (heck, I get nervous when I go to new IRC chat rooms...), so I don't really have a place to practice any of the other things they talk about.
20 Ways to Attack Shyness
11–20 of 46 posts
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#12I had a great time with Salsa dancing. In the right place, you dance with lots of different girls all evening long. Since you can take classes, you can get reasonably good at it so as to make a good impression. Lots of girls will dance, some won't, but because each song only lasts so long, you can meet lots of people. Furthermore, it's fun in its own right, nice music, doesn't cost much, and you can learn a surprising amount about someone from 2 or 3 minutes of dancing with them.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#13I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach. I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.
"persistent, stinging loneliness"
I vividly remember that phase of my life. I would not want to live it again. It was a combination of shyness, geekiness, being a foreigner in a new land and persistent rejection arising out of the first 3. In hindsight, the big mistake I made was to try to fish in over-fished waters (typical engineering graduate school, where every female has numerous suitors). There exist overstocked ponds, demographically speaking, where you will have much better luck. School teachers, nurses and the like come to mind, but there are many other demographics. The school teacher demographic is a good one: they tend to be bright and idealistic (and many of them are pretty too!).
The good news: I eventually came out of that phase, got on with life, found a wonderful woman (my wife now), and even made decent money ... so there is light at the end of the tunnel. If I can do it, you can do it too.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#14One of my biggest problems is with #18. I don't know any social places that are 'comfortable' to me (heck, I get nervous when I go to new IRC chat rooms...), so I don't really have a place to practice any of the other things they talk about.
you are comfortable on these forums. Or at least comfortable enough to post comments.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#15One of my biggest problems is with #18. I don't know any social places that are 'comfortable' to me (heck, I get nervous when I go to new IRC chat rooms...), so I don't really have a place to practice any of the other things they talk about.
you are comfortable on these forums. Or at least comfortable enough to post comments.
Yes. After a year(ish) of lurking with no account, and 130 days of having an account here, I have finally settled down to a state where I type out at least 1/10 the comments I think of, post at least 1/5 those I type out, and leave the majority of those undeleted!
And after working with my current co-workers for a few months, I finally have courage to say something once in a while.
But attrition doesn't work in most social settings... It's a difficult way to make friends (though the friends you do eventually make are good) - I made one friend in 4.5 years of college. And it's downright horrid for getting girlfriends...
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#16I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach. I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.
try to observe it from a non-judgmental standpoint (and definitely don't push it away). you might then be able to figure it out.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#17I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach. I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.
If you're so shy, how'd you manage to post personal information in a public forum, like this?
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#18My wife calls shyness a form of selfishness, as we decide not to share of ourselves with others.
Personally, I disagree. It's more of a form of self defense to prevent ourselves from getting hurt. I feel like a lot of shyness comes from being afraid showing people our true selves and being ridiculed or criticized for it.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#19I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach. I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.
If you're so shy, how'd you manage to post personal information in a public forum, like this?
It may be similar to the "its easier to be an asshole online than in person" phenomenon. It's easier to talk about personal things online than in person, or so my experiences show.
Re: 20 Ways to Attack Shyness
#20I had been shy as a teen and got over it. But since my last girlfriend left around a year ago (my first serious relationship), I've been thrown back into the breach. I had forgotten how diabolical this torment was, actually. Inability to connect with any other person. No interest in meeting new people, despite a persistent, stinging loneliness. It's really fascinating to revisit this state as an adult. And painful.
If you're so shy, how'd you manage to post personal information in a public forum, like this?
Somehow I feel comfortable here. Not sure why. I wouldn't have posted this anywhere else.